Oh that's me too, what happened to me, oh my goodness this is uncanny. I have a pattern where I introduce friends to each other and I end up losing them because of jealousy or sometimes there was romantic feelings, but they bond so hard over me where I would tear them down to one another privately, or complain/gripe about them as I tend to just want to be one on one, I get pathologically insecure and jealous, and then a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy when I run away/avoid due to PTSD crap and maybe innately how I am, and I get cucked and end up perverting it and just it's supernatural in a way isn't it, this pattern it's so painful too, they're the ones I never get over. This has happened three times to me now I think, they just call me crazy/bad/drug abuser/slander me and move on. I end up feeling like I was a bigger victim though I end up being quite amenable and self-sacrificial but yes. At some point I sort of demonize them to use the phrase loosely, and then they come back but it's 10 times worse, like the universe is punishing me, maybe with love, but suicides to me are evident that it's not always meant to be. This last go around has about done me in, they even said I am due to die as per astrology they did on me, one of them seems quite happy seeing me suffer, their words haunt me every day. I cannot get free, but perhaps it is what I brought on myself. So strange how it works.
This friend was a Spiritual Satanist, told me she wanted me to know who is in control. I took that to mean Satan is in control of this world, and since I am too afraid to dedicate, this is what is happening to those of us who are unprotected. Angel and Demon attacks. and I've been playing a dangerous game of being sinful despite being a lukewarm Christian. It's just too much to believe it's all real, it's scary. But how they acted and the gaslighting and everything, to me that's evil, but I'm seeing it from my perspective, and what I did was pretty evil too, but I have no justification I just have problems. I never change. I never listen. And now since they basically explained it would take months just to have some sort of basic protection, and they predicted my death before the end of this year, I am sort of just throwing my hands up. Struck me at my most vulnerable, when I was being deliberately, what would be considered "sinful" so yes, all this might be very real. I make myself detestable to all things when I live for the senses perhaps, because I am no more than an animal. I am trying to love the one who loves me but I feel stuck in my past, and hollow, and I worry about him too. They told me I don't love him, said I would be pierced by two I loved, indeed they bonded over my hurting the one who loved me. It's just, you can't make this shit up. It's just overwhelming. Lord laugh in derision at my calamity, as well as Satan and all the entities. Worst of the worst, so on.
