Discussion Do some men/ fathers simply prefer sons?

[MeltingHeart]

Is it possible that a man could simply have wanted to have / preferred having sons - coming from a sad, somewhat bitter, angry, but mostly broken grown women (never ever wanted to be this way & in no way feel bad to my step- brothers per se) - as I was left from a very young age & then pretty much ignored for most of my life- it wasnt even as if I had no physical or emotional contact but then got given 'guilt' money or anything- like as in- 'I cant be there for you' - but 'here have some cash'- I didnt even get that! & he knew my mother was mentally abusive and that id had to escape from her- so was all alone very young- yet my half brothers-who also had a mum to care for them too-got looked after, cared for, loads & loads of financial support, whilst I was a young, fragile, emotionally damaged, homeless, vunerable female and got none! - is it because I was part of a past mistake- a marridge that went very wrong-that he wanted to extricate himself from as far as possible? do I remind him of her; who he must have loved at one point but that it all went wrong? or do some men simply find it hard to love & care for daughters in the same way as they do sons- as they cant 'relate' or something strange? also I went to have a v. rare hug (actually maybe first ever) from him as I was desperate and needed someone to hold me- i'd never really had one from him before (fyi-im in my 30s!) it felt really weird-like he held me too tight, for too long -in an odd way-but not saying anything- ergh it just felt so cold & yet creepy at the same time- maybe i am just imagining it because I feel so hurt and broken-but it felt strange!

 

[Rachel74]

Yes my real Dad always preferred by brother and wish he'd had only sons.
I said it doesn't matter he was still a shit dad even to his son!

 

[MeltingHeart]

Yes my real Dad always preferred by brother and wish he'd had only sons.
I said it doesn't matter he was still a shit dad even to his son!

It just leaves me with so many questions - was it cos I was a girl, was it cos I was from a past mistake? Was it cos I reminded him of a women that turned out to be so toxic (obs later realised he wasnt exactly great also) ? What it partly his new wife - who continually complained about her (my mothr) & me, also - as we disrupted her idea of a 'perfect' family - even though she chose to be with a man that already had two children- was he that weak & easily manipulated or would he have ignored , neglected me anyways ... so many answeared questions ....but what his new boys got compared to what me & my sister for - is virtually exact opposite-like some kind of experiment in ACE's and how that can effect you for the rest of the life...

 

[Final Escape]

My father also rejected me completely, but showered little bro with attention. It was very painful and obvious. I couldn't figure out why I had less value and assumed that it was because I was female. So I started becoming more masculine because I formed this belief that being female was less valuable, but adding in some sexual abuse by a unrelated dude added to making me hate being female. My mother rejected me as well so it was like a double rejection. I had a very tough time as a kid and into adulthood. Pieces of shit parents lol!

 

[bea1974]

My grandad told my mum and aunt many times how disappointed he was that they were female.

 

[MeltingHeart]

My father also rejected me completely, but showered little bro with attention. It was very painful and obvious. I couldn't figure out why I had less value and assumed that it was because I was female. So I started becoming more masculine because I formed this belief that being female was less valuable, but adding in some sexual abuse by a unrelated dude added to making me hate being female. My mother rejected me as well so it was like a double rejection. I had a very tough time as a kid and into adulthood. Pieces of shit parents lol!

the double rejection is extra hard isnt it?! like one would be dealable but both! (add in bully of a big sister too-like beyond the usua,l standard big sibling bullying) , cant believe u then had antr crappy male in yr life too-prob took advantage because of yr v. vunerabilty, thats hows those men work..bastards...im sorry
Don't know why they didn't just adopt if they so greatly wanted a boy- that they would then go so far as to abuse / neglect a girl - I mean there was always gonna be a 50/ 50 plus we live in the western, modernised world - where -suppossedly at least its meant to be more acceptable & you didn't need that 'son' to 'tke over from you' as in bygone days & you can have more than one child -(not like in China -when they had the one baby rule & loads of girls got either aborted or abandoned as babies as a result)

 

[Neurodamaged2]

Disclaimer: I am a man, albeit without kids, but I've wanted them and thought about it before. Plus thought about the topic alot before.

I believe it comes down to a couple factors.

One, comfortability. It's easier to treat a little guy like a little you or a tiny one of your guy friends. You assume you'd like the same stuff, etc. It's teaching a little guy to grow up and be a member of the man club. With girls? I'd have no knowledge of how girls act amongst themselves or what it means to be a woman so I'd feel helpless and inept.
Two, roles. I believe the mom showing the girl how to be a woman while the dad shows the boy how to a man is how things generally "are supposed" to roll, whether its active teaching or passive.
Three, intuitively. I just feel like I wouldn't know how to raise a girl, in terms of teaching her to become a woman or grow up.

I've seen some boys be raised by single moms and they turned out kinda emasculated - no real idea of who they were as a man. I've never seen a girl raised by a single dad so I have no idea how that turns out generally.

These are all ideas I'm throwing out there to build off of as you please, not definitive answers.

 

[Righttodie]

I am a man, and have dreamed of not having a son, but a daughter.

I don't think it says much about you as much about them. Many prefer having daughters, probably not as much as sons, but still. I think it may have do with being able to relate to raising a boy than a girl, for fathers, as to why they may not prefer daughters. I am an oddball in regards to this as this doesn't apply to me as much.

I don't know why your father didn't prefer having a girl, either way it shouldn't mean you don't deserve love and respect, after all you are who you are didn't choose to be born as a girl or a boy.

I hope you find closure and answers. I can imagine it's not easy to have questions and not know much.

 

[Im2high4this]

I think deep down..a fair majority of men actually want sons. Not saying it's everyone, but honestly I can see it being true. Personally, I would love to have a daughter just as much as a son. As a man, there are a few things we crave as fathers, like the craves of mothers.

Mothers want to help their daughter with their wedding. Fathers want to coach their sons sports team. Mothers want to guide their daughters through puberty, then how to be a woman. Fathers like wise. I think there is a genetic calling towards raising a child of the same sex as you. You want your child to be a individual, but you still want to mould them with your own morals and give them foundation to build on. A father can struggle with helping a daughter about woman things, because they have zero personal experience on the matter. They can have trouble connecting because you are not dealing with things as they would, and that intimidates them.

I think it's a parents responsibility to be prepared in handling either a daughter or a son equally, otherwise you are just not ready. Some father lack the maturity to be able to simply raise a human, rather then hoping their skill set will apply to whatever gender their child is.

It really sucks to see that so many daughters here were neglected or worse. I know my dad didn't be the best he could for my sister. Plain and simple, most people are just not fucking ready to have a kid, but do anyway.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I am a man, and have dreamed of not having a son, but a daughter.

I don't think it says much about you as much about them. Many prefer having daughters, probably not as much as sons, but still. I think it may have do with being able to relate to raising a boy than a girl, for fathers, as to why they may not prefer daughters. I am an oddball in regards to this as this doesn't apply to me as much.

I don't know why your father didn't prefer having a girl, either way it shouldn't mean you don't deserve love and respect, after all you are who you are didn't choose to be born as a girl or a boy.

I hope you find closure and answers. I can imagine it's not easy to have questions and not know much.

my closure will be to ctb, he had barely ever spoken to me my whole life, it aint never gonna happen now. I am less than nothing to him. he has shown his cats more love & affection then I have ever received, talked to them more too! fuk it - i really need to ctb

 

[Righttodie]

my closure will be to ctb, he had barely ever spoken to me my whole life, it aint never gonna happen now. I am less than nothing to him. he has shown his cats more love & affection then I have ever received, talked to them more too! fuk it - i really need to ctb

I can understand. I am sorry you are going through this

 

[Sweet emotion]

Of course men want boys. They all do. But my father never tretd me any differently because I was a girl. He loved me to pieces.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Of course men want boys. They all do. But my father never tretd me any differently because I was a girl. He loved me to pieces.

yr lucky for that atleast-that must be such a nice feeling! I cant imagine what it feels like

 

[Élégie]

@MeltingHeart I'm sorry you had to go through this... Being rejected by both your parents must have been a really traumatic, hurtful experience.

Were you able to find a mother substitute or a maternal figure (aunt, grandma, older female friend, etc)? As a girl and young woman, that's probably what you needed the most...

Sending hugs

 

[MeltingHeart]

@MeltingHeart I'm sorry you had to go through this... Being rejected by both your parents must have been a really traumatic, hurtful experience.

Were you able to find a mother substitute or a maternal figure (aunt, grandma, older female friend, etc)? As a girl and young woman, that's probably what you needed the most...

Sending hugs

Thnku. nope never found a substitute-have always kind of been searchin i think- i think ive ruined/ put too much pressure on alot of romantic relationships & friendships too because of it- though i did always try to to not be too needy or anything-ultimately its the main reason i want to ctb...i know some people experience worst in childhood and they still thrive or atleast want to live-but it just seems to have blighted my whole sense of self & in turn every aspect of my adult life-i tried my best to overcome it-but i failed :(