Do not want to die but...

[YellowNeko1908]

I don't want to kill myself but what else can I do? This world sucks and my life sucks. 28 years old, neet, highschool drop out, chronic IBS, 6000€ to fix my dental and jaw issues but worst of all I spent 14 years drowning myself in fiction because it's all my illness allowed me to do.

I can't live like this anymore. I can't live in the real world. I can't even become an author or artist thanks to AI. I can't imagine working 9-5, especially chronically ill. I can't accept such a pathetic life. I should have had a good career... I went to good private school. The reason everything went to shit is hilarious too.

Probably should write more but I really can't muster the strength. Besides I'd just rant about how my parents ruined my life with their stupidity.

 

[Chaosire]

That sounds like a rough life indeed. I know hard it can be to have your childhood dreams fall out of reach. I share some of the parts of your story. I don't have experience with the parts haven't experienced myself, but it sounds extremely difficult to deal with.

I believe that everyone deserves a shot at happiness. And my own journey has taught me that some hopeless situations can still turn around. A lot of people here are in a similar boat, where they don't necessarily want to die but just don't want to live as they do anymore.
You're not alone here.

 

[Unspoken7612]

It sounds like are in a lot of pain, and that pain is causing your situation to seem hopeless. You could be someone who would benefit a lot from therapy, as it seems some of your feelings of worthlessness and despondency are unrealistic and could benefit from being re-examined with the help of a professional. For instance, spending 14 years "drowning in fiction" as you put it doesn't actually seem all that bad, especially if it was all your illness would allow.

There are many options other than suicide, which should only be taken by those of us with a very settled desire.

 

[YellowNeko1908]

There are many options other than suicide, which should only be taken by those of us with a very settled desire.

I have suffered too much. The real world is scary. I have to pick up the mess left behind by my parents... I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. I want someone to save me. I want someone to turn back time. Both are equally impossible.

I'm almost 30... I have no friends, my relationship with my family is shit and honestly about to be all alone. I can't do this anymore. I cannot stand the disgusting world I'm about to be thrust in. I don't have the strength to pull myself up. The world is too competitive but I don't want to rely on neetbux anymore (assuming I keep getting them). It's only darkness wherever I look.

I'm on antidepressants and even have a phone therapy thing going on. Thing is it doesn't matter because it's too much. I need to catch-up but I hate this world. All I do is think about the past and how my parents ruined me and how I made stupid mistakes. My only joy is anime and manga, but even that I cannot enjoy it I keep being pathetic. It's just too painful.

I tried reaching out, but all the help is garbage. I should have reached out way sooner. Fuck my family. I should called a domestic abuse hotline as kid, and accepted help instead of pushing people away. I did the best I could give the circumstances but it wasn't enough.

I don't want to be old. I'm don't want to be alone. It's unfair. I didn't waste my youth. It was stolen from me by physical and mental problems. It's all a blur.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't distract myself anymore and whatever I'm trying to improve my health doesn't work out. I should be doing an exercise for the psoas muscle but I'm too anxious and stressed to lie down. I need to go to the bathroom too but that is stressful too. I'm really at my limit.