hyacinths
Member
- Sep 25, 2021
- 70
i have a group of friends that i adore - truly. we spend a lot of time together hanging out and playing video games, as we're all online friends. ive known them all for almost a year now. i have really bad social anxiety and depression which makes it extremely difficult for me to make and keep friends, as well as even communicate properly with the friends i do have. while i love them all, i have a bad feeling that they all secretly just tolerate me and don't want to kick me out of the groups because they know i have depression and would feel guilty. but the rational part of me is like "oh why would they invite you to watch movies with them" or "why would they still keep playing games with me" but it's just such a nagging feeling in my heart. i have such a difficult time talking to them despite how much i care about them, and whenever i feel like i start feeling comfortable i get that same nagging feeling once again. it's getting harder for me to be able to suppress these feelings without saying anything, but i also don't really want to nag them about my dumb personal feelings.
we're all making plans to meet sometime this year and i got invited to come fly out to visit, but it's another feeling of obligation. i was the last person to say i could come due to money issues, but my friend sounded very unenthusiastic about me coming. i feel like they feel as if they needed to invite me, but it's their home i would rather them be comfortable and not take me if they don't want me to go. i just have so much doubt about everything and it's driving me fucking insane. i hate having social anxiety.
we're all making plans to meet sometime this year and i got invited to come fly out to visit, but it's another feeling of obligation. i was the last person to say i could come due to money issues, but my friend sounded very unenthusiastic about me coming. i feel like they feel as if they needed to invite me, but it's their home i would rather them be comfortable and not take me if they don't want me to go. i just have so much doubt about everything and it's driving me fucking insane. i hate having social anxiety.