Venting Do I tell my boyfriend about the SN

[SaintMary]

I feel like I'm hiding something. Because I am. I'm planning on taking the SN this Sunday. I'm feeling happy even though I'll be leaving him. I'm happy to move on and have him finally find the right partner. I don't want to say anything now in fear of my plan being foiled early. our relationship is already complicated. We're in a long distance relationship and mostly talk through video chats. I feel like I'm just detaching all around which hurts me. He's trying but I'm already checked out. I mean since he's so far away he can't do much but I don't want to traumatize him and be dead in a vc with him but I don't want him to feel like I disappeared because that's just worse. I don't want to be toxic but no matter how I play this out, it is. I could tell him right before and hang up, I could tell him now and ruin things and maybe have my plan foiled, break up and never be able to be reached...idk it all hurts but will not stop me. My will to stop my sadness is too strong

 

[faust]

I feel like I'm hiding something. Because I am. I'm planning on taking the SN this Sunday. I'm feeling happy even though I'll be leaving him. I'm happy to move on and have him finally find the right partner. I don't want to say anything now in fear of my plan being foiled early. our relationship is already complicated. We're in a long distance relationship and mostly talk through video chats. I feel like I'm just detaching all around which hurts me. He's trying but I'm already checked out. I mean since he's so far away he can't do much but I don't want to traumatize him and be dead in a vc with him but I don't want him to feel like I disappeared because that's just worse. I don't want to be toxic but no matter how I play this out, it is. I could tell him right before and hang up, I could tell him now and ruin things and maybe have my plan foiled, break up and never be able to be reached...idk it all hurts but will not stop me. My will to stop my sadness is too strong

Hello,
I can relate: broke up with my gf a few days ago. I just know that I have to be alone on my way. That might be a hard decision, but in the end nothing matters. However, if you feel there is no need in breaking up, you are welcome. That is up to you.
And sorry life brought you to this point...

 

[MissingIt]

If you are really intent on doing this, you should not tell him before. That is going to cause him a great amount of anxiety knowing that you are currently alive but will be dead soon and he will probably try to do everything he can to stop you. He may not be able to reach you in time but he can certainly call the local police.

If you really want to do this, you should download EM client which is an email client that can send delayed emails. Write out your peace there and schedule it to send after you will have passed. That way you can say what you need to say and you don't have to put him through the pain of feeling like he could have done something.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

NO !!! I do not recommend it. If you are truly serious about CTB. I hope you can find peace whatever you decide. If you change your mind you are always welcome here.

 

[Lady black]

Be careful: You could be rescued also after taking your SN. Only tell him if you know for sure he will let you die

 

[MsMaudlin]

Don't forget that once you tell him, you can't take it back.
❤

 

[SaintMary]

Hello,
I can relate: broke up with my gf a few days ago. I just know that I have to be alone on my way. That might be a hard decision, but in the end nothing matters. However, if you feel there is no need in breaking up, you are welcome. That is up to you.
And sorry life brought you to this point...

You're right...I do need to do this alone. I want him to know how much he's helped me and how I truly did have love but the timing is bad and I cannot jump the upcoming hurdles. It's scary but I know it's the right thing. Thank you for sharing that this resonated with you. It feels good to not be completely alone.

 

[Lady black]

Here you will never be left alone with your feelings and problems

 

[sadgirl2002]

If you're in a long distance relationship with your boyfriend and he has no chance of contacting your family into stopping you then it's probably harmless. Although, you don't want him calling the police and somehow the police stop you and you get trapped but you wouldn't want to leave him hanging because it's sad on him. I don't think you should tell him you have SN or that you're going to kill yourself, if you're certain about ctb then you should break up with him without telling him about your plans. Maybe you can tell him right before you kill yourself because he won't have much time to do anything about it and I'm pretty sure his response will be painful for you. I'm sorry you've come to this and I wish you peace

 

[faust]

You're right...I do need to do this alone. I want him to know how much he's helped me and how I truly did have love but the timing is bad and I cannot jump the upcoming hurdles. It's scary but I know it's the right thing. Thank you for sharing that this resonated with you. It feels good to not be completely alone.

I cannot say I am alone, I have a huge family called SS forum And you too are not alone there, you have us

 

[HelensNepenthe]

It's confusing that you would keep a relationship going when you noticed that your relationship isn't stable. In your words it is "complicated". A relationship causing you these strong emotions isn't healthy, and personally I would look at your available options. Breakups are difficult and hard to process — yet you can do it if that's something you are wanting. Breakups are not about your significant other but are for you.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If you tell him, he will likely take on the knowledge as responsibility. The choice to ctb is only yours.

Hope this perspective helps.