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fsociety
Member
- Mar 25, 2024
- 59
Hello community!
It's is now exactly 1/2 year since I lost everything, my perfect relationship, my father and my best friend… People always tell me to wait and sit it out. But in the last 1/2 year my life just went worse.. each day is just surviving, looking forward to the day survival instinct isn't that great I can finally end my life.. I'm 32 now and I am not a stupid dumb kid who's life will possibly change in the future.. I can't get new friends because of my social anxiety, I can't meet a girl because nobody is interested in a life that is fucked up.. I know exactly what I've lost and don't think life could change for the better.. My mind constantly reminds me of what I've had and what I've lost… each day and even in my dreams… still I'm here and didn't bought SN which would be no problem in my country.. Why continue, I don't know why I've already took my own life.. is it just a matter of time till everything gets to exhausting to continue and take the final steps?.. I don't know..
I just wish for a lethal disease or a fatal accident that take my life.. I can't continue like that.. there are a lot of people who has it worse a lot longer, but they had it always worse - so I keep thinking everything positive in their life is a big breaking point.. for me.. I had the best life Someone could think of and I ruined it and it was up to me, it was my fault.. I don't want to continue living like this knowing I had a good life and now everything will be worse than I've had..
It's is now exactly 1/2 year since I lost everything, my perfect relationship, my father and my best friend… People always tell me to wait and sit it out. But in the last 1/2 year my life just went worse.. each day is just surviving, looking forward to the day survival instinct isn't that great I can finally end my life.. I'm 32 now and I am not a stupid dumb kid who's life will possibly change in the future.. I can't get new friends because of my social anxiety, I can't meet a girl because nobody is interested in a life that is fucked up.. I know exactly what I've lost and don't think life could change for the better.. My mind constantly reminds me of what I've had and what I've lost… each day and even in my dreams… still I'm here and didn't bought SN which would be no problem in my country.. Why continue, I don't know why I've already took my own life.. is it just a matter of time till everything gets to exhausting to continue and take the final steps?.. I don't know..
I just wish for a lethal disease or a fatal accident that take my life.. I can't continue like that.. there are a lot of people who has it worse a lot longer, but they had it always worse - so I keep thinking everything positive in their life is a big breaking point.. for me.. I had the best life Someone could think of and I ruined it and it was up to me, it was my fault.. I don't want to continue living like this knowing I had a good life and now everything will be worse than I've had..