Ceterum
Member
- Aug 10, 2022
- 84
Hey there,
I've been browsing the forums a lot. Many of you are suffering from trauma, severe physical illness, are broke or whatnot.
I can claim neither... yet from early adulthood on for about a decade my life has much revolved around suicidal thoughts, emptiness and fears. I have not really participated in what normal people would consider "life". Yet I have no financial stress, no severe history of abuse, no major, life-defining physical condition.
Despite being suicidal I have always wanted to have children and have a family, a place to belong. Life got a little better in recent years with regards to constant suicidal thoughts, which have been less ... now I come to realise that I probably never will have a family and children of my own and my thoughts are getting darker again. sometimes I even feel triggered by people with children :/
Yet I often wonder, if I have a right to CTB, if so many people have so much more trouble at hands ... I am really torn on that and this torments me even more.... Am I even entitled to CTB, just because a luxury wish of mine doesn't bear fruit? I don't know, I guess I just wanted to get this one out. Sorry for stealing your time.
I've been browsing the forums a lot. Many of you are suffering from trauma, severe physical illness, are broke or whatnot.
I can claim neither... yet from early adulthood on for about a decade my life has much revolved around suicidal thoughts, emptiness and fears. I have not really participated in what normal people would consider "life". Yet I have no financial stress, no severe history of abuse, no major, life-defining physical condition.
Despite being suicidal I have always wanted to have children and have a family, a place to belong. Life got a little better in recent years with regards to constant suicidal thoughts, which have been less ... now I come to realise that I probably never will have a family and children of my own and my thoughts are getting darker again. sometimes I even feel triggered by people with children :/
Yet I often wonder, if I have a right to CTB, if so many people have so much more trouble at hands ... I am really torn on that and this torments me even more.... Am I even entitled to CTB, just because a luxury wish of mine doesn't bear fruit? I don't know, I guess I just wanted to get this one out. Sorry for stealing your time.