Discussion Do I actually want to die

[Bananaman]

Today I saw a post on reddit about a person who survived jumping in front of a train with just both his legs broken. That was one of the methods I was considering since there are a lot of videos of people dying after being hit by a train. But that guy survived and wasn't even left crippled or anything, just his legs, which can be fixed I think. So then I thought, "wouldn't it be nice if I also survived like him". I realized that the train method must be unreliable so I guess I'll just look for a tall building with access to it's roof or something idk. But still, the fact that I thought that surviving would be nice is worrying me. I think I might have been considering the attention and caring feelings I'd get from a particular person but thinking about it rationally she doesn't gaf about me so I guess I was just being delusional. I also think maybe I just want to be loved, idk. Been like this for the last 3-4 years kinda on and off, but it's gotten a lot more serious lately and I've also had a few realizations about people, which makes me pessimistic about being able to recover unless I choose to be ignorant. In any case, I still think I can go through with it, although this has me worried a little. Worst case scenario I guess I'll just have to wait until I can get my hands on more reliable methods to ctb, although I'd like to hurry up.

Really hope what I said makes sense. So yeah I'm just wondering what do you guys think, do I actually not want to die maybe like subconciously or something? Or maybe I crave for attention and am just a poser? I still want to ctb but I want to know what's up with all that.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

No one can tell you whether or not you truly want to die because we aren't you. Only you will be able to truly know what is best for you. I would recommend reflecting on this more and even looking some mental health services in the meantime. If you want to try recovering then I'd say just go for it. There's no harm in trying it if that's what you feel like you want deep down inside. You should only ever attempt to ctb if you are completely certain that you want to die.

 

[HopelesslyAlive]

I think it seems like a little bit of both, and I think 80% of cases are a little bit of both tbh. As the person above said, we can't be for certain as we aren't inside your brain but I also agree with them in the sense that you should at least try recovery, if that's what you want to do and really try and give it a proper go and then if that doesn't work out after trying then I guess you know what to do.
Also, little sidenote, trains are definitely more effective than less effective, however jumping in front of one as they leave the platform isn't that smart since they tend to be the slowest when arriving and leaving a platform, however they also tend to be quite inaccessible otherwise so.

 

[Worndown]

Only you will know if it is time to leave or not.
Train and other methods involving others directly are unfair to them.

A lot of people get hit by trains accidentally. Some die, a lot get busted up but live.

Looking for something else would be good.

 

[nux_walpurgis]

I just wanted to say I feel the same sometimes. I dream of commiting suicide and surviving, so my family gets a shock. They realise in how much pain I am in and then take care of me without having expectations from me. So I get you.

 

[agony1996]

No one can tell you whether or not you truly want to die because we aren't you. Only you will be able to truly know what is best for you. I would recommend reflecting on this more and even looking some mental health services in the meantime. If you want to try recovering then I'd say just go for it. There's no harm in trying it if that's what you feel like you want deep down inside. You should only ever attempt to ctb if you are completely certain that you want to die.

I completely agree, you have to be absolutely sure you want to die in order to attempt ctb, also I definitely think you should wait until you find a more reliable method, which will take some of the worry and pressure you have about failing.
I recommend that you see a therapist, you might realize that you don't want to die and possibly find some recovery and healing.
Whatever you decide I wish you the best

 

[Bananaman]

I completely agree, you have to be absolutely sure you want to die in order to attempt ctb, also I definitely think you should wait until you find a more reliable method, which will take some of the worry and pressure you have about failing.
I recommend that you see a therapist, you might realize that you don't want to die and possibly find some recovery and healing.
Whatever you decide I wish you the best

I might try therapy actually idk. Because like, I really love cars and I think I want to continue living for them. I'd certainly be a lot worse if I hadn't found my passion for them. Guess in the end time will tell

 

[null_blank]

Hoping the best for you c:

 

[agony1996]

I might try therapy actually idk. Because like, I really love cars and I think I want to continue living for them. I'd certainly be a lot worse if I hadn't found my passion for them. Guess in the end time will tell

If you still have a passion for something and want to still pursue it then I would say it's definitely not your time to go.
Seek therapy it could help you a lot to work through the things you're going through

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I think it's just your SI.

 

[NotesFromTheShadow]

If you have even the slightest bit of a will to live in you - don't do it, get help, try recovery. Honestly, no one ever truly wants to die. When someone ctbs it's because they can't stand the suffering any longer. That's a different story. Also death is irreversible, once you're there there's no way back, don't forget that.

Have you seen videos on youtube about Kevin Hines, the guy who survived jumping off the golden gate bridge? He describes how, while he was falling he realized how he actually didn't want to die and prayed for something, for god to save him. Which somehow miraculously happened.

This shit gives me the chills. I think there's nothing worse than being in the middle of it, with no way back and realizing you don't wanna die.