Both from people you know and, more or less, strangers? Obviously, it's nice when people express concern and care. Better than being insulted or ignored! Does it really help though? I think it helps most when it feels genuine. A really genuine concern that a person is struggling and an intention to help them.
One of the most profound conversations I had was with a friend of my Mum's. During a brief conversation, it was like she had me all figured out. She also gave me enough space to be me unapologetically. That it was understandable and ok that I was struggling. It helped me so much.
I suppose back then, I was open to 'recovery' and being helped. The negative to that was that I so badly wanted to latch on to a person that offered me help but, I quickly worked out people don't want to provide that much support. I don't blame them either. It's hard to live carrying another. But, it was in words this came out.
The same person I mentioned got in touch later on and, from what they wrote, it was obvious they hadn't remembered what we talked about. Not that I should have expected them to but, it made me realise: Words can make it seem like you mean so much to a person when the reality is different. I guess it's like that phrase: 'Talk is cheap.'
I guess also, even when you know they're genuine, they don't always help. My Dad is very appreciative and affectionate in his language- which is lovely- of course. Again, much nicer than being abused! He'll try to make me feel appreciated and of value. It's an odd response I feel now though. It's a reminder of a relationship I need to honour. It's not entirely true though for one. I'm by far, not the greatest daughter. We are both pretty selfish in our own ways. Plus, while it's a sweet sentiment, it doesn't help me live. It only ties me to life with just a few words as support.
So, it's a question I suppose of how truly loving and caring it is. It's more of a warning in a way. As in- you're of value to me so- don't take that away. Whatever you're going through- my needs are greater. So, that isn't really giving love. It's more of an insistant/ imposed need. So, the words become in equal part manipulative as they are appreciative.
But then, is it ok to insist we need someone? Maybe. It's honest I suppose but, it doesn't consider them so much.
One of the most profound conversations I had was with a friend of my Mum's. During a brief conversation, it was like she had me all figured out. She also gave me enough space to be me unapologetically. That it was understandable and ok that I was struggling. It helped me so much.
I suppose back then, I was open to 'recovery' and being helped. The negative to that was that I so badly wanted to latch on to a person that offered me help but, I quickly worked out people don't want to provide that much support. I don't blame them either. It's hard to live carrying another. But, it was in words this came out.
The same person I mentioned got in touch later on and, from what they wrote, it was obvious they hadn't remembered what we talked about. Not that I should have expected them to but, it made me realise: Words can make it seem like you mean so much to a person when the reality is different. I guess it's like that phrase: 'Talk is cheap.'
I guess also, even when you know they're genuine, they don't always help. My Dad is very appreciative and affectionate in his language- which is lovely- of course. Again, much nicer than being abused! He'll try to make me feel appreciated and of value. It's an odd response I feel now though. It's a reminder of a relationship I need to honour. It's not entirely true though for one. I'm by far, not the greatest daughter. We are both pretty selfish in our own ways. Plus, while it's a sweet sentiment, it doesn't help me live. It only ties me to life with just a few words as support.
So, it's a question I suppose of how truly loving and caring it is. It's more of a warning in a way. As in- you're of value to me so- don't take that away. Whatever you're going through- my needs are greater. So, that isn't really giving love. It's more of an insistant/ imposed need. So, the words become in equal part manipulative as they are appreciative.
But then, is it ok to insist we need someone? Maybe. It's honest I suppose but, it doesn't consider them so much.
