LiveSlowDieFast
Specialist
- Nov 14, 2018
- 338
I'm still pretty young (early twenties) and while I completely understand when people on here say that those of my age still have a good chance of seeing things get better for them, I simply cannot see anything good happening in the future. I explained why I feel that way in a text I initially wrote to a friend on here, but now I was wondering if others can relate as well:
"I guess it's of course to a degree the usual depression stuff (no joy, self-hate, no motivation etc.), but recently I also felt this sense of utter hopelessness more strongly than ever before. I dunno if I ever talked about what's going with my family, but in the past months 2 of my grandparents have already died, one was my paternal grandfather and one my maternal grandmother. Of course it's natural since they were quite old, but especially my grandmother suffered immensely due to cancer in her last few months, which of course especially took a toll on my mom.
Left behind are my maternal grandfather, who is just extremely sad to look at because he is so lonely and hasn't really got anyone to talk to, except my mom and one of my uncles. The other person is my paternal grandmother who is suffering from dementia, which is brutal on my dad and the rest of the family. She isn't so far gone that she is completely unaware either. She mostly doesn't recognise us anymore (including my dad and his brothers), but she is also aware that something is "wrong", which in turn makes her suffer and that of course takes a toll on my dad and so on.
What I'm trying to get at is that my parents are watching their parents die horribly and it's been pretty awful on them. My parents are nearing their 60s now and they've had me quite late. Basically I know that what happens or has happened to my grandparents will happen to my parents soon too. They'll get cancer and die in pain in a death that will drag on for months or years, or they'll helplessly watch as their mind decays and they eventually forget who me or my sister are. My mother is already getting much more forgetful than before.
I know everyone goes through this eventually, but I just don't think I'll be able to deal with it.
But that's not all.
There is also stuff that isn't related to me personally. The past few months I have completely stopped following the news, because they make me so anxious. Occasionally something will slip through though.
I've been reading more and more about climate change and its effects and it gives me a sense of terror I can't quite put into words. Every terrifying prediction scientists make is follow by one that is even more terrifying in the light of new data and such. We can already feel the effects today and it will only get worse. We genuinely are going to see a ecological and sociological collapse within our lifetimes unlike anything humans have ever experienced.
I just don't see anything positive that will happen in my future. Even if I do recover, how much time is there left before I'll watch my parents die horribly and until the effects of climate change will have made life unbearable? The more I think about all of this the more I just want to kill myself. Selfishly so, just so that I won't have to go through that pain."
"I guess it's of course to a degree the usual depression stuff (no joy, self-hate, no motivation etc.), but recently I also felt this sense of utter hopelessness more strongly than ever before. I dunno if I ever talked about what's going with my family, but in the past months 2 of my grandparents have already died, one was my paternal grandfather and one my maternal grandmother. Of course it's natural since they were quite old, but especially my grandmother suffered immensely due to cancer in her last few months, which of course especially took a toll on my mom.
Left behind are my maternal grandfather, who is just extremely sad to look at because he is so lonely and hasn't really got anyone to talk to, except my mom and one of my uncles. The other person is my paternal grandmother who is suffering from dementia, which is brutal on my dad and the rest of the family. She isn't so far gone that she is completely unaware either. She mostly doesn't recognise us anymore (including my dad and his brothers), but she is also aware that something is "wrong", which in turn makes her suffer and that of course takes a toll on my dad and so on.
What I'm trying to get at is that my parents are watching their parents die horribly and it's been pretty awful on them. My parents are nearing their 60s now and they've had me quite late. Basically I know that what happens or has happened to my grandparents will happen to my parents soon too. They'll get cancer and die in pain in a death that will drag on for months or years, or they'll helplessly watch as their mind decays and they eventually forget who me or my sister are. My mother is already getting much more forgetful than before.
I know everyone goes through this eventually, but I just don't think I'll be able to deal with it.
But that's not all.
There is also stuff that isn't related to me personally. The past few months I have completely stopped following the news, because they make me so anxious. Occasionally something will slip through though.
I've been reading more and more about climate change and its effects and it gives me a sense of terror I can't quite put into words. Every terrifying prediction scientists make is follow by one that is even more terrifying in the light of new data and such. We can already feel the effects today and it will only get worse. We genuinely are going to see a ecological and sociological collapse within our lifetimes unlike anything humans have ever experienced.
I just don't see anything positive that will happen in my future. Even if I do recover, how much time is there left before I'll watch my parents die horribly and until the effects of climate change will have made life unbearable? The more I think about all of this the more I just want to kill myself. Selfishly so, just so that I won't have to go through that pain."
He lives in my home state still so I can't see him, but my mom helps him out, and he manages to keep a pretty decent social circle all things considering, so there's that.
