Help Divorce, failed..........again

[Life_and_Death]

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Why do i have to keep telling you this!? We made it very clear, we are breaking up. We are only contining to have sex to prevent problems. Problems that honestly, only you have. Im an adult. If i get pregnant or an STD or whatever, then thats my problem. Honestly you dont even fucking need to know about it. If i had another place to go in this fucking town id so be gone.

Im sorry but what!!!? "We need to get land so i can have a room for my stuff" (thats not as bad as it sounds, i just have a lot of hobbies and we're currently in a small place). We need to get fucking land for my stuff!!??? Thats not fucking divorcing!!!!!

Was the last time not enough for you!? The yelling and the screaming!? I never should have let you touch me! This never would have fucking happened AGAIN if i could just stand my grounds with that, but i cant . Yelling, screaming, crying, repeatidly reminding, wanting to kill myself. When the fuck is it enough for you!? When is it going to fucking sink in!? I cant take this!!!!!!

Idk what to do and im tired of putting my foot down but theres nothing i can do......

 

[timf]

There are two main ways to experience relationship pain. The first is when two people become trapped in an escalating cycle of being hurt and striking out to hurt. The second is when one person for whatever reasons strikes out at the other.

The problem with a cycle of hurt is that one builds a lists of grievances such that even if new hurt is managed, old feelings of hurt can start new cycles.

It is possible to pull back from the ragged edge of such a cycle, but both parties need to work at learning new skills to reduce the hurt to manageable levels. Sort of like first agreeing to a cease fire.

 

[Life_and_Death]

It's not failure
I'm sure you learned many valuable essons,things about yourself and had some great times

again. did you not read the post?

 

[Kattt]

again. did you not read the post?

removed. apologies

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Sex can make problems. No matter what don't get pregnant.

Stay safe and I hope you can get out.

 

[summers]

Wow, my divorce was so different. I just said, I'm sorry, this isn't working. Neither of us are happy. And that was that.

Now, me and my ex are best friends.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Wow, my divorce was so different. I just said, I'm sorry, this isn't working. Neither of us are happy. And that was that.

Now, me and my ex are best friends.

Gee good for y'all!!!!! How does this comfort the person posting? They are obviously experiencing something completely hellish and different.,

How is this not just a trigger? It's almost like saying to someone wanting to croak: wow, I'm living the best life and it's so awesome

 

[summers]

Gee good for y'all!!!!! How does this comfort the person posting? They are obviously experiencing something completely hellish and different.,

How is this not just a trigger? It's almost like saying to someone wanting to croak: wow, I'm living the best life and it's so awesome

First, you need to calm down. You don't know shit about my life.

My point was that obviously they held on too long, and there was no good feelings left. Sometimes you have to know when to throw in the towel. Lose the battle win the war.

Also, I have no idea what @Life_and_Death is even trying to say. I'm assuming cheating and resentment. Maybe I'm wrong in this.

Finally, maybe someone on here is considering divorce. I wanted to share my experience that sometimes it's the best option, and things can actually work out for the better.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

First, you need to calm down. You don't know shit about my life.

My point was that obviously they held on too long, and there was no good feelings left. Sometimes you have to know when to throw in the towel. Lose the battle win the war.

Also, I have no idea what @Life_and_Death is even trying to say. I'm assuming cheating and resentment. Maybe I'm wrong in this.

Finally, maybe someone on here is considering divorce. I wanted to share my experience that sometimes it's the best option, and things can actually work out for the better.

First: you didn't explain all that which you are doing now...you had no point expressed other than your pleasant experience
My point: it just comes off as insensitve bragging
Also, I am calm and true I don't know shit about your life except that your divorce went awesome and you have a new best friend
Finally: your experience weighs 0 on anyone elses.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I am calm and true I don't know shit

werent you the same person i talked to previously about how certain words reflect the tone of your message because you dont sound calm. i appreciate you standing up for me but before you did i had already read their comment and had no problem with it. if i did well, we talk off site, im sure it could have been dealt with like adults.

also if we want to start deconstructing things

.you had no point expressed other than your pleasant experience

Neither of us are happy

neither of them being happy, sounds really pleasant (sarcasm)

My point: it just comes off as insensitve bragging

youre "point" doesnt really stand as I didnt find it insensitive or like bragging, probably because their choice of wording.

Finally: your experience weighs 0 on anyone elses.

also this isnt true and actually really hurtful. if anyone should be apologizing, its you. i know if this was said to me that i would hurt. i would have taken it to mean "fuck off, no one cares, go deal with your shit and dont bother others with it". is everyones situation exactly the same, no. but that doesnt mean that people dont overlap with experiences so it can weigh on another person.

also i do hope to stay friends with my husband as its a very complicated situation that just isnt working out to an extreme.

again, i thank you for standing up for me, but you should probably look at yourself before you do as you were a bit hypocritical about it. you told them to not be insensitive while being insensitive yourself when what they said really wasnt that bad even if it was insensitive and again if it was, im sure it could have been dealt with, i do also know where the report button is and have used it many times.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

My point: it just comes off as insensitve bragging

Who tf brags about getting divorced?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Who tf brags about getting divorced?

oh yeah, i had like 5 divorces this part year

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

werent you the same person i talked to previously about how certain words reflect the tone of your message because you dont sound calm. i appreciate you standing up for me but before you did i had already read their comment and had no problem with it. if i did well, we talk off site, im sure it could have been dealt with like adults.

also if we want to start deconstructing things




neither of them being happy, sounds really pleasant (sarcasm)

youre "point" doesnt really stand as I didnt find it insensitive or like bragging, probably because their choice of wording.

also this isnt true and actually really hurtful. if anyone should be apologizing, its you. i know if this was said to me that i would hurt. i would have taken it to mean "fuck off, no one cares, go deal with your shit and dont bother others with it". is everyones situation exactly the same, no. but that doesnt mean that people dont overlap with experiences so it can weigh on another person.

also i do hope to stay friends with my husband as its a very complicated situation that just isnt working out to an extreme.

again, i thank you for standing up for me, but you should probably look at yourself before you do as you were a bit hypocritical about it. you told them to not be insensitive while being insensitive yourself when what they said really wasnt that bad even if it was insensitive and again if it was, im sure it could have been dealt with, i do also know where the report button is and have used it many times.

Comment was triggering to me...Honestly many of your posts don't make sense...

Many people can never divorce...so to say it was easy and things are great is triggering.

You spent a ton of time focusing on me...I think I will ignore you...I really hope you don't have any kids/pets to witness you and your husbands dysfuction and abuse.

'Only having sex to prevent problems' and you want a divorce? Good luck.

I have nothing to be sorry for. Divorces are not all easy...and that was my point.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You spent a ton of time focusing on me.

dude ive said 2 things to you. maybe you should use the ignore button.

Honestly many of your posts don't make sense

also not my problem. another reason to use the ignore function actually. my posts arent for you. my posts are for me, i really dont care how you feel about them as long as you arent causing a problem.

.I really hope you don't have any kids/pets to witness you and your husbands dysfuction and abuse.

'Only having sex to prevent problems' and you want a divorce? Good luck.

wow, maybe you didnt read what i had said, or just skipped that part

its a very complicated situation that just isnt working out to an extreme.

again, what you said was hurtful, this time directly to me

I have nothing to be sorry for. Divorces are not all easy...and that was my point.

also i didnt say you had to be sorry about your comment in general, just that one sentence, hence why i quoted that one part. in case you missed it though here:

Finally: your experience weighs 0 on anyone elses.

also this isnt true and actually really hurtful. if anyone should be apologizing, its you. i know if this was said to me that i would hurt. i would have taken it to mean "fuck off, no one cares, go deal with your shit and dont bother others with it". is everyones situation exactly the same, no. but that doesnt mean that people dont overlap with experiences so it can weigh on another person.

now thats twice youve said something offense, if you dont understand how your wrds effect others, which youve clearly showed to not understand, please use the ignore function, i actually beg you to because i dont need people like this in my life

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Who tf brags about getting divorced?

People who profit from their ex spouse, financial settlements, divorces that were quick and easy, being best friends with your ex....knowing ex is doing worse than before and feeling a sense of 'ha ha'....

A divorce can sometimes feel like a win....and that can feel satisfying.

 

[Life_and_Death]

People who profit from their ex spouse, financial settlements, divorces that were quick and easy, being best friends with your ex....

A divorce can sometimes feel like a win....and that can feel satisfying.

ignore function please, then all my threads will be gone from your sight and youll never have to not understand something that doesnt even concern you again

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

People who profit from their ex spouse, financial settlements, divorces that were quick and easy, being best friends with your ex....

A divorce can sometimes feel like a win....and that can feel satisfying.

Shit, I guess. Just so far away from my own perspective that I couldn't really grasp this, thanks.

 

[Life_and_Death]

She's been raging about this supposed impending divorce for at least a year. Perhaps, it's best to just let her rage on, even if it doesn't make any sense. Just be glad you're not involved.

why cant people follow the rule "if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all"

raging on? i have BPD. i have been abused since before i was even born. please take your judgments elsewhere they really arent needed here. apparently my life isnt hard enough i have to deal with insensitive pricks ass well. maybe i should just fucking kill myself, its better then dealing with the human race.

i would have thought you had me on ignore. if you dont please do so

 

[MartyByrde]

why cant people follow the rule "if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all"

raging on? i have BPD. i have been abused since before i was even born. please take your judgments elsewhere they really arent needed here. apparently my life isnt hard enough i have to deal with insensitive pricks ass well. maybe i should just fucking kill myself, its better then dealing with the human race.

i would have thought you had me on ignore. if you dont please do so

No dear, you supposedly ignored me--months ago. I hope you get some help. BPD doesn't excuse your habit of raging on anyone who doesn't say exactly what you want to hear. Threatening me with your suicide is ridiculous. You're grown--do what you want.

 

[Life_and_Death]

No dear, you supposedly ignored me--months ago. I hope you get some help. BPD doesn't excuse your habit of raging on anyone who doesn't say exactly what you want to hear. Threatening me with your suicide is ridiculous. You're grown--do what you want.

im not raging on anyone. i made a post. they made a comment. that i actually remained fairly calm about. and then you came here and said something highly offensive, then i had a problem. also im not threatening you wth anything. it was a comment because im done dealing with the bullshit of the human race, theyre heartless pos and every day just proves it to me more and more. this is directed at you, thank you for being a part of it.

this supposed impending divorce for at least a year

really? i have bpd and hes being 'manipulative'. go away please. seriously find the ignore button and use it

BPD wasnt my "reason" for "raging". BPD is why im still in the relationship. my reason for "raging", here....let me poke you for a year straight, sooner or later youre gonna snap and get tired of the bullshit. well guess what, im tired of the fucking bullshit. but thats ok, ill just let people treat me like shit next time. sorry im tired of being invalidate. im sure you would just love it if you were treated the way people treat me. humans really dont give a shit about others

 

[fiona apple juice]

No dear, you supposedly ignored me--months ago. I hope you get some help. BPD doesn't excuse your habit of raging on anyone who doesn't say exactly what you want to hear. Threatening me with your suicide is ridiculous. You're grown--do what you want.

You're grown as well, correct? Stop causing drama and just leave her alone. She is allowed to rant about her divorce whenever she wants because this website is a support system.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You're grown as well, correct? Stop causing drama and just leave her alone. She is allowed to rant about her divorce whenever she wants because this website is a support system.

supposedly

 

[MartyByrde]

You're grown as well, correct? Stop causing drama and just leave her alone. She is allowed to rant about her divorce whenever she wants because this website is a support system.

You joined 2 days ago. Do tell me more about this site...

 

[summers]

@Life_and_Death in rereading my first post, I do think it came across as insensitive. My apologies. I hope your situation works out as best it can.

@Alwaysbadtime sorry I was so defensive. You're right, I definitely should have offered more of an explanation in my first post.

I just want to clarify, I was a terrible husband and boyfriend over the years. I constantly broke the trust of the people who loved me. Please don't look to me for an example. All I was trying to say is that sometimes, people can be best friends, but just don't work in a relationship. I wish I had realized that sooner with my ex-wife.

As for me, I know it's best for me to stay single, for a multitude of reasons.

 

[fiona apple juice]

You joined 2 days ago. Do tell me more about this site...

I'm not telling you about this site? I'm saying stop being such an ass...lmfao.