H
H0110W
Member
- Sep 22, 2021
- 71
In what feels like my final months, I am being a bit more distant to everyone. I don't answer the phone and if my family interacts with me I am dismissive and give short answers. I am talking much less than usual and spend all my time in my room. At work I am being a slave, I do everything that I'm told without giving any opinion. Colleagues are starting to just say "hi" to me, and are no longer interested in small talk with me. But I don't care about them, I only care about my family.
As for my friends, I have none, so it doesn't really matter. I had a long distance friend, a girl I met online 7 years ago who stuck with me through everything good and bad (mostly bad) that happened to me during that time. I sent her a message claiming I was recovering from the depression and that not being able to be with her and not being able to have a real friendship with her made me feel worse. It took some convincing but eventually we said goodbye and she accepted it. Of course the recovery part was a lie, I was tired of her "seeing" me getting worse and worse every time we talked, and we already talked very rarely due to her studies and busy life.
Hopefully by behaving this way (I'm not even doing it on purpose anyway, it's coming natural to me to be this way now) they'll be used to me being a ghost by the time I kms, and realize it was my choice and what I truly wanted.
As for my friends, I have none, so it doesn't really matter. I had a long distance friend, a girl I met online 7 years ago who stuck with me through everything good and bad (mostly bad) that happened to me during that time. I sent her a message claiming I was recovering from the depression and that not being able to be with her and not being able to have a real friendship with her made me feel worse. It took some convincing but eventually we said goodbye and she accepted it. Of course the recovery part was a lie, I was tired of her "seeing" me getting worse and worse every time we talked, and we already talked very rarely due to her studies and busy life.
Hopefully by behaving this way (I'm not even doing it on purpose anyway, it's coming natural to me to be this way now) they'll be used to me being a ghost by the time I kms, and realize it was my choice and what I truly wanted.