Disillusioned with love

[ebg]

When people are in a relationship, they convince themselves that the person they're seeing is "the love of their life". Then, when the relationship ends, they convince themselves that their ex-partner "must've not been the one" and starts thinking of all their negative aspects. Then, even later, they convince themselves that they weren't ever actually "truly" in love with the person and that it wasn't love at all. Then the cycle repeats. I'm thinking that love is all just an illusion. Circumstances and timing have the most influence in determining who you "fall in love" with, not their personal characteristics. You could be anyone else, it's just when you're in a relationship, you believe you aren't to your partner and they believe that too. But it's always just said in the moment. People's narrative is always changing to suit their current circumstances. I like referring to my husband as my close friend instead, so that way I don't project this "true love" idea onto me or him and don't expect him to have never loved anyone else, so I avoid all jealousy and lower my expectations. It is a realistic view of him. He gets upset at my trivializing of relationships, but I've seen enough evidence to know that we all just act out some role in a relationship for which your partner projects their desires onto. I like viewing him instead as my close friend, because it makes me less selfish and I value him more instead of finding ways to just make myself get jealous due to an unrealistic view of love, which then overshadows any appreciation and value I have for him. He has always been kind to me and he has played a large positive role in my life, I just don't ever want to partake in romantic relationships because they just feel hollow to me and I can't shake off the feeling that when he uses the pronoun "you" to me, which is supposed to refer to only one unique person, I feel like he is referring to the idea of me and that role I play in his life instead of "me". I don't even know what "me" looks like. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[casual_existence]

We all need to cope with how the world works. Simply saying that it's all biological is too abstract and doesn't quite fit how we experience things.
"The one" is a way to deal with uncertainty. Horoscopes is another.

I think that understanding and getting as close as possible to the truth of your partner is the best way to love. This really shouldn't diminish the love or at least for me it doesn't. Having a million dollars is pretty great no matter how it was gained.