Venting discouraging

[devil]

I need to vent, read or not read... doesn't matter.

I was in an inpatient hospital not too long ago for about 2 weeks.
It was for a partial hanging attempt, thanks to a lot of alcohol and cocaine
I was able to get further than my previous attempts but it didn't work
obviously. I think I rushed it because I wasn't thinking straight and I
didn't plan ahead. I have been sober for 2 months now though, but today I bought
alcohol. For the past week I've been cutting pretty badly. I just feel like the
inpatient hospital was so fucking pointless. I still feel like shit, I cannot stand
to be alive in this world. Oh and on top of the suicidal thoughts, i've been having
homicidal thoughts as well. They get pretty vivid and violent, deep down I know
it should scare me but then there's a side of me that finds it intriguing. Sounds insane
but yeah who knows what the hell is wrong with me.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Are you on SSRI's?

 

[devil]

Are you on SSRI's?

Yes

 

[ThriveOrDie]

SSRI's cause homicidal thoughts in some people

 

[gingerplum]

For me, I honestly had to stop drinking. That's not to say I won't ever again, but the last couple of times my behavior was so inexcusable and unforgivable it actually frightened me.

I have enough shame and guilt to deal with without the addition of shitty things I do when I'm drunk.

 

[Are you lost too?]

I need to vent, read or not read... doesn't matter.

I was in an inpatient hospital not too long ago for about 2 weeks.
It was for a partial hanging attempt, thanks to a lot of alcohol and cocaine
I was able to get further than my previous attempts but it didn't work
obviously. I think I rushed it because I wasn't thinking straight and I
didn't plan ahead. I have been sober for 2 months now though, but today I bought
alcohol. For the past week I've been cutting pretty badly. I just feel like the
inpatient hospital was so fucking pointless. I still feel like shit, I cannot stand
to be alive in this world. Oh and on top of the suicidal thoughts, i've been having
homicidal thoughts as well. They get pretty vivid and violent, deep down I know
it should scare me but then there's a side of me that finds it intriguing. Sounds insane
but yeah who knows what the hell is wrong with me.

I'm sorry you feel this way.
I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to fail an attempt and to go to the hospital. But it's a good thing you're already out of there. And that you don't want to end up there again...

Please don't take what I'm saying to the wrong way. Maybe staying clean could help you?

hope you can find peace.
Sending you good thoughts

 

[Are you lost too?]

Sorry but almost a million people die from killing themselves. What I have is something most don't understand or will every understand sadly. I felt the worst pain you can imagery when I overdose and cut on myself but that is not noting how I feel everyday. No matter how intelligence are dumb you are this pain without a doubt is real. But who knows maybe I might get better or maybe not only time can truly tell. However, I wonder how many people will have to die until they actually spend time to help people like me I wonder.

I'm really sorry for any misunderstanding, but what I wrote was meant to the original poster .. I'm sorry I hadn't quoted, but now I already corrected that. So I'm really sorry if you thought the message was directed at you, because it wasn't.

I'm sorry you're feeling all this pain. I do hope you find a way to find peace.

 

[Are you lost too?]

Huh? oh it is cool why are you apologizing for dude ? (～﹃～)~zZ just relax man.

I got the impression you thought was trying to pro life you lol
Ok, all good then :)
And I'm a woman! Heeheh