Discussion Disassociating Too Often?

[Achromatix]

Do you ever just disassociate so much you spend your whole life as someone else somewhere else? Every time I come to realize what my life is like in the negative ways I always relapse and feel the need to ctb again. It's a feeling of panic, like the "oh shit, she realized, we gotta bring her back" and then I end up in the land of make believe again. I'm not even aware of what im disassociating. I just live on auto pilot until a decision in life needs made and I remember who I am. Does anyone else do this? I'm not even sure who I am, but I can't think of who else I could be.

 

[divinemistress87]

All the time . Trauma response

 

[MiMif]

I relate to this alot

 

[BrainShower]

Yeah, I could have written this.

 

[RedHates]

Almost every day I am on autopilot. It feels like my consciousness is behind my head just kind of watching my life like a movie. I often spend my time in a daydream of a story I made.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i spent several years straight dissociation without a break. nothing but black. now i do it multiple times a day anytime i look in the mirror, try to interact with someone. basically anything and my world starts to go black again.

its not fun spending your whole time dissociated

 

[whotookmylexapro]

Every day of my life. I maladaptive daydream a lot. My own little world in my head is easier to process than this world

 

[Achromatix]

I haven't decided if it's a good or bad thing to do/have happen. I feel a sense of identity crisis yet it's super peaceful. I feel like I never know how to act around anyone. I feel so lost yet so safe. Wants to ctb

 

[_Broken_alice]

All the time. It is so hard to even tell what is real anymore between the nearly nonstop disassociation and the periods of psychosis. Months pass like an unpleasant but vague dream until something snaps us to miserable reality which also doesn't feel real aside from the pain. One member of our system outright can't come out anymore. She just instantly breaks down every time anymore.

 

[EyeWish...]

I don't feel real. This shell of skin people call a person or by "my name" doesn't have an identity. I'm so detached from this shell of skin and everything. This world that surrounds me, is it real? Hell, it doesn't feel real. What's wrong with us?

 

[pasho25000]

I don't feel real. This shell of skin people call a person or by "my name" doesn't have an identity. I'm so detached from this shell of skin and everything. This world that surrounds me, is it real? Hell, it doesn't feel real. What's wrong with us?

same here, it's hard to explain it this way to a normal person, I don't think they would understand or think you are a monster
when I see someone full of life, good in their sneakers, it's so beautiful to see, I imagine being that person and say to myself, it must be nice, I know when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old, I felt this well-being

 

[EyeWish...]

same here, it's hard to explain it this way to a normal person, I don't think they would understand or think you are a monster
when I see someone full of life, good in their sneakers, it's so beautiful to see, I imagine being that person and say to myself, it must be nice, I know when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old, I felt this well-being

I used to try to explain it to people irl. The responses were either "You're crazy" or "Yeah, I was like that". I find it kinda funny that no one IS like that. Maybe I'm just paranoid or everyone feels like it sometimes but don't wanna admit it. I don't see it as bad to admit, for me personally it doesn't cause suffering.

 

[hannila_m]

finally somebody described what is going on with me.

I am dissociating to that point, that quite often I'm lying in my bed, closing my eyes and repeat to myself in my mind "I do not exist, I do not exist, I do not …" or "I will not wake up tomorrow, I will not wake up.." - even though a logical part of me KNOWS that I will wake up, that dissociated part of me really believe that I won't and feels soooo relieved about it.

What a MINDFCK