Disability and jobs

[woofwag]

I have POTS, which is a disability where I can't be standing up for a prolonged period of time or I will feel like I'm dying/pass out. I'm also autistic, so I can't work public-facing jobs or jobs where I have to talk to people all day (like call centers). Since I have never had a job before, I don't have enough experience to get any sort of remote work since all of them are like "65 years of experience in quantum mechanics and proficiency with Javascript." The others are scams.

So, I have very little options since I can't do a physical job and most remote jobs. Even most physical jobs I'm not qualified enough for anyway. You'd think, oh, apply for disability, yet it takes a year MINIMUM to get approved, and I don't have a fucking year. I have a bachelors in creative writing, but I haven't been able to write in months because of extreme burnout/depression/trauma recovery/general self-destruction. I will be running out of money for rent by the end of this month. After that, my options are A. become homeless, or B. move back in with my mom, which is a death sentence because that was the house I was abused in and she did little to prevent that, as well as being manipulative and gaslighting me often. I will kill myself if I go back. It is not a question of "if." The only reason I survived living last summer with her was because I was waiting to have enough of my meds prescribed to die, and I happened to fall just one week short of that before I moved out.

So basically, I'm fucked. I've been applying to caregiver jobs for the elderly, but even that I have a feeling will destroy me physically. I can move around more than I can stand (moving keeps the blood moving in my legs, whereas being stationary will make all of the blood pool and I will pass out), but moving around for extended periods of time is still very difficult for me. If I get hired and I can't do it, I'm going to use what money I have left to either try to get some SN or just a rope at this point. Oh how amazing it is to be an American...

 

[unluckysadness]

I'ms sorry for your situation. I'm disabled too (rare disease called cervical dystonia) and neurodivergent (probably 90% autistic but not diagnosed). I didn't know POTS disease, so I googled it and it seems awful as my disability is. Do you have muscle spasms too ? I left my work in 2021 because I could not handle it anymore (burnout because of several things like harassment). You're right, we have only shitty options. I hope you can find some relief. This forum is a good place to talk about our problems.

 

[CutePrincess]

I get you. I couldn't endure having a job and it's one of the reasons I decided to cbt. I don't want to live struggling with money and be a financial burden. I was homeless for some time and I considered doing sex work. I believed it will get better somehow if I focused on spirituality and self improvement but I faced reality. I got a job as a Tarot reader but I didn't have enough clients it was pocket money not real income. My parents belive I will be able to work after therapy but I know I won't. I can't live without money and with expectation to do something I'm unable to do.