Discussion Did you have hope?

[Gstreater]

Did you have hope that things might get better while you've been depressed? Was there a moment in time where you felt happy despite your suicidal thoughts? In my experience I've been thinking about what pushed me so far into this depressive spiral and I it was just every time I found happiness or hope it was dashed away until I'm the shell of that person today.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

I was happy from my birth to the end of 6th grade. My hope has slowly dwindled ever since, 2020 being a major catalyst in my downward spiral. The more that I learned about the true nature of the world and society the amount of hope I had would drop. Life truly is hell.

 

[Hollowman]

Yes

 

[Life]

Some loud music and weed always helps me forget pain

 

[TANETS]

Yeah. And despite it all I still do even though it keeps getting worse and worse.

 

[PlannedforPeru]

In elementary school I thought it'd get better in middle school. In middle school I thought it'd get better in high school. In high school I was surely convinced it'd get better in college, people were claiming it was the best time of their life after all.

I'm out of college and now I know better, there's nothing in the future 40+ years of working age that'd be worth the price of enduring it, especially since I'm dead-set on not having a family; even if there are some drip fed "good moments" that lie ahead similar to that which kept me hopeful through the entirety of my education.

So, in short, yeah for I time I had hope, but it can only be sustained for so long.

 

[Jarring]

Shit I always have hope. Probably shouldn't because Im in an awful position but probably better than thinking about the negatives.

 

[Tharg123]

I did have hope, from time to time. But I never really believed in it or put my whole self into it. I don't blame myself. It is hard. If I had been braver then maybe.... Who knows.

I'm old (ish - mid-50s) and ruined now, but I would suggest to you probable youngsters: if you have any energy for hope, believe in it. I remember writing in my diary in my 20s or 30s something like 'hope keeps sprouting up, like mould. SCRUB IT OUT.' Or something. I can see why I wrote/did/felt that - it was fear of the fall that raising my hopes would lead to - but... I wish I had put more trust in hope while I still had some life in me. And put less trust and energy into doing what I thought I ought to. Although... just because you're young doesn't mean you have energy and courage, I know.

Give hope a go, a really good go, if you can.......

 

[dune_dweller]

Every other day there's a small spark of renewed hope.

I keep trying to draw motivation from various places.

But then I get literally physically and mentally exhausted from nothing ever changing and I become resigned to despair again.

Rinse, repeat.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, the concept of hope doesn't apply to me in this situation since my issues are with life itself

 

[Thanatos.br]

Unfortunately, yes, i plan to ctb with SN in the morning, since everyone here goes to work and i can stay alone for 10h, but everyday i think that maybe, just maybe, today might be the day that everything changes, and postpone the ctb to the next day. Later, i regret not having ctb and promisse myself i'll do next day, aaand this keep happening ever and ever for years. It's stupid, i know, i wish i didnt had hope.

Like George Constanza from Seinfeld said: "Hope? I dont wanna any hope, my dream, is to become hopeless."

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally I'd never wish for the burden of human existence no matter what, I find existing to be deeply undesirable in every way, I'd never wish to suffer in this cruel, torturous existence with no limit as to how much agony I can feel just to be tortured by old age. I see existence as the problem and I find it so dreadful to suffer in this existence, I just want to painlessly die and never suffer ever again, I never would have wished for or chosen this existence, I just want nothingness instead, I just wish to never exist ever again.