Did you have a perfect time to go?

[Feline Fine]

One of the two scenes in Breaking Bad that I think affected me most is when Walt is musing to Jesse about when would have been the perfect time to die (the other is this scene, which always has a big impact on me) and I was wondering if anyone else had done the same thing.

It was hard for me to work out when I should have, before I was 18 and left my family every day was a struggle, but most days after have been too, so unfortunately I don't have a time where things went from good to bad. But I have had one actual good day, or few hours at least, and when that time was about to end, it would have been the best time to die I could hope for, except maybe before birth.
That night I candyflipped with a friend and we went to the nearby forest, it's the only time I've ever felt like I had any connection with someone in real life. I was able to talk with them like I've never been able, I was able to be the best version of me, even if I still had anxieties and sadness clouding up inside my head, I could work past them, at least in the moment. Everything was able to be beautiful for a little while.
But as soon as I opened the door to get back home, all of those good things disappeared and I just fell to the floor and didn't know what to do. It was like everything that night was had disappeared, the only time in my life anything felt truly good felt like it never happened.
So I wish I never got to open that door, that was as close to a perfect time as I ever had.
It was still after everything throughout my childhood, and it was still after my old best friend and shortly after my now ex both ghosted me, which really ruined me
But it's the best I have.

What about you?

 

[not_a_robot]

I was 11 the first time I ever talked to anyone about wanting to ctb. Perfect time would be before I ever talked to anybody, just did it.

 

[RM5998]

That time when I had my mom's sleeping pills. Would have worked out better for all parties involved.

A close second was last November, which was actually part of a plan I was too scared to execute.

 

[blanketyblk]

Thinking about it. i should never had gone for treatment for cancer, it would of knocked me off pretty quickly. but i think of the pain that would of caused my parents and it hurts. while i wouldn't be in pain. i know they would of been. kind of seems unfair to do it. but it would of been the best time. truly before the world have broken me down.

 

[BangBangBang]

When I was 10 years old. I had IV stage hodgkin's lymphoma (one of the better childhood cancer's, yay !)
I was on my last breathes back then, my heart was giving out. A couple more weeks left undiagnosed& untreated and I would be dead.
But I begged them to take me to the hospital... sometimes I wish I hadn't.

 

[Laststop]

When I was 15. I was alone at my mother and step-father's apartment, sitting on their bed, with his .44 magnum revolver. He had shown it to me, along with his other guns, and I knew where he kept them. When I went and took it out it was to play around with it, as it was the first time I had been alone with a gun like that. I went to stay with them for the first time, having just met them since my mother abandoned me as a child. I spent half a school year with them. My father back home was an abusive asshole, and things had fallen apart, so I thought going to stay with my mother would be better. Turned out she was being nice when I visited, but not so much when living with. And, the step father turned out to be an alcoholic dick too. The thing is, I rarely felt sorry for myself. I always believed the adults when they made it out to be me that was the problem. Never them. I didn't think it through. I could have saw what things were, and decided to make a better life for myself when I got away. Or realized I was with bad people, and I could feel angry about it. I didn't think that way. But, I had that gun in my hand, and I thought about shooting myself in the head. It wasn't a regular thought for me. But it felt natural.