Did you ever think you’d get to this point ?

[ineedtoctb]

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason and that you would end up on this forum looking for ways to end it all?

 

[Zebedee]

I didn't think I would end up on a site like this but lo and behold here I am. I don't believe everything happens for a reason as quite often we're given a choice, in my case I've made poor life choices which have led me to where I am in life.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

I didn't think I would end up on a site like this but lo and behold here I am. I don't believe everything happens for a reason as quite often we're given a choice, in my case I've made poor life choices which have led me to where I am in life.

What happened
Not in a million years. A year ago if you asked me i would have said im happy as a clam.

Now here i am contemplating daily while still holding onto some sort of hope

 

[symphony]

I guess not, but really it's all led to this. I looked into suicide methods when I was a kid and have been seriously considering ctb for several years. I never thought for sure I wouldn't end up on a site like SS again, I kinda just never thought about it.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Yes since I'm desperate and can't enjoy much of anything, it makes sense I'd want to off myself and makes sense I'd eventually find a forum with information on it related to this, since I was already looking up the information elsewhere regardless. I'm not sure I believe everything happens for a reason though. In this case things just seem inevitable for me, since it's what I've been seeking.

 

[HubbaHubba]

I never thought about it, but I have a very challenging life. Depression, anxiety, money-work-health-life issues all happening continously can take a toll after decades.

I tried for years to fix this but to no avail.

 

[ineedtoctb]

I didn't think I would end up on a site like this but lo and behold here I am. I don't believe everything happens for a reason as quite often we're given a choice, in my case I've made poor life choices which have led me to where I am in life.

What happened
Not in a million years. A year ago if you asked me i would have said im happy as a clam.

Now here i am contemplating daily while still holding onto some sort of hope

Same here just hanging on to false hope

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

For most of my life I was unhappy and had several depressions. I blame my crappy parents for that. But of all the times I have been down this time I fell right into the pit. And I first started thinking about suicide and have already chosen my method. I am only sorry to leave my cat alone. I hate society and people.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I have never wanted to live and even at a young age I found death to be comforting. I cannot imagine myself dying from anything else other than suicide, wanting to die is who I am, nothing would ever make me want to live. I simply do not want to exist in a world where there is so much suffering.

 

[Shu]

6 months ago. No not at all.

 

[ineedtoctb]

Yes since I'm desperate and can't enjoy much of anything, it makes sense I'd want to off myself and makes sense I'd eventually find a forum with information on it related to this, since I was already looking up the information elsewhere regardless. I'm not sure I believe everything happens for a reason though. In this case things just seem inevitable for me, since it's what I've been seeking.

Not being able to enjoy things anymore is one of the worst feelings ever. That desperation definitely takes a toll.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

Back of my mind I think I always knew. Actually planning it and preparing myself for it is surreal though.

 

[ineedtoctb]

Back of my mind I think I always knew. Actually planning it and preparing myself for it is surreal though.

I know what you mean. it does seem surreal like is this really how it's supposed to end

In my case I have never wanted to live and even at a young age I found death to be comforting. I cannot imagine myself dying from anything else other than suicide, wanting to die is who I am, nothing would ever make me want to live. I simply do not want to exist in a world where there is so much suffering.

You are right there is So much suffering in this world it's hard to see the silver lining at times.

I never thought about it, but I have a very challenging life. Depression, anxiety, money-work-health-life issues all happening continously can take a toll after decades.

I tried for years to fix this but to no avail.

It's like a domino effect when all those areas are not in alignment. I hope you can find some comfort and peace.

 

[EndofEternity]

I've been planning to CTB for so long, guess I always knew I'd end up in a place like this. Life hasn't been kind, and I think deep down, I always knew I would die by my own hand. My entire life has led up to this

 

[LookingforAnswers]

Not being able to enjoy things anymore is one of the worst feelings ever. That desperation definitely takes a toll.

Agreed 1000%. Not even sure why the brain would/could do that to a person

 

[whatevs]

It made sense for me since at least my teens that my life would have a tragic end. I never really fitted in anywhere and deep down always carried self-doubt and loathing, for myself and everyone else.

I've always seen the negatives in life more prominently than the positives, for whatever reason. I understand that optimism is better in most situations but that's just not who I am, and I don't think I can change.

 

[HubbaHubba]

It's like a domino effect when all those areas are not in alignment. I hope you can find some comfort and peace.

Thank you.

The interesting part: I tried my best for years, I really did. E.g. Talked to people, went to therapy, tried to find a better job with better pay to cover alimony, etc.

At the end, things just get worst and I just can't keep up. I am also old and no longer have the energy

 

[rationaltake]

Thank you.

The interesting part: I tried my best for years, I really did. E.g. Talked to people, went to therapy, tried to find a better job with better pay to cover alimony, etc.

At the end, things just get worst and I just can't keep up. I am also old and no longer have the energy

Similar.

 

[Of The Universe]

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason and that you would end up on this forum looking for ways to end it all?

No. I didn't think I'd wind up this way. Question is,how low am I gonna go?

 

[ThisIsNotMeR]

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason and that you would end up on this forum looking for ways to end it all?

Nope, not until August 2021 did I ever imagine I'd end my life.
However I've always been weird in that I'm well aware that there are worse things than death, and even in the happiest periods of my life thought of how to kill myself if it ever came to it (without ever believing that it actually would). Which is why I think I took it reasonably well now it really has come to it!

 

[Shouldhavebeendone]

I always thought it was a possibility. I tried to get away from it many times but I'm tired trying now. If things happen for a reason then I hope my passing will improve stuff for others in the long term. At least there's one less patient for the nhs haha

 

[VoidDesirer22]

For the last 5 years I have had a sense that anyone talking to me was talking to a future suicide victim. So this site was a welcome discovery.

That feeling has become prominent in the last 5 months. I know that they are talking with a temporarily alive corpse and I sometimes think about the absurdity and awkwardness of it all.

 

[Leiden]

Never could I of imagined life would be this horrific for me.

 

[Zegers]

I guess not, but really it's all led to this. have been seriously considering ctb for several years.

Same.

I think if your life is fundamentally problematic or you have serious health, economic or social problems, the probability of ctb is high.

I used to be optimistic, I thought things would get better, well, it's not the case, barely 30, the emptiness and loneliness as mental health got worse so I feel it's last years but I feel hope in some way. I think leave this earth is a new beginning.

 

[deletednumber]

For most of my life I was unhappy

I blame my crappy parents for that.

Same for me.
I was born in the wrong environment and the wrong family I just got unlucky, all the shit i've been through since birth until now led me to this tragic ending.

 

[burglarlydante]

at some point, yes. My life is fucked since i was 3, so it's not unexpected to me been stuck in a depressive mess in like... 10 years

Being unwanted and mistreated by everyone that comes to me, also all my relationships were abusive at some point.
I am a trans autistic man so my life was kinda meant to be hard, even if didn't born in a abusive family and had a p3d0ph1l3 "father"

I've became so lonely in my teenagehood, i had no friends and my family didn't care about me, so I ended up spending a lot of time on internet

So... Yeah ending up in a pro suicide website is kinda predictable

 

[.............]

I never expected to get here. I really thought after seriously contemplating this stuff when I was 14, and being able to cope with a lot of things for a good chunk of the rest of my teens, I'd be okay. But things just got worse, I spiraled, and now I'm here. I kind of hate myself for it, but I'm lucky everyone's nice here.

 

[orange]

I've always known I was going to kill myself tbh

 

[Infiniteloop]

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason and that you would end up on this forum looking for ways to end it all?

Perhaps, i wouldn't discount the idea completely. The right genetics/environment can influence where one can end up in life. If this is a simulation im sure our environment is heavily manipulated to influence an outcome.

Though, i sometimes wonder if the world wants me out, and purposefully imposes suffering on me. But, that's most likely just me thinking we have a higher purpose in this universe, and we are at the center of it. Whereas, there is little evidence the world even slightly cares about us, any more than the ants beneath our feet.

 

[TheEndTimes]

I first felt a deep desire to kill myself at 16. I'm 50 now. I've attempted a few times before but never had a resource like this. Honestly, it's amazing. The guys who thought this up and the people who maintain it deserve the Nobel Peace Prize imho

I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that assigning reasons to things that happen, especially traumatic things, is something that humans have evolutionarily been bred to do—it's an effective survival strategy, but I'm not trying to survive anymore