Deleted member 18655
Enlightened
- Jun 4, 2020
- 1,422
I was labelled as DID-NOS about a year ago - but I've known since I was a teenager that this was my problem. Each time I try to get help for it (including now), it proves too painful and nothing ever changes. I know which fragmented parts are which blah blah blah
In the middle of the night last night (I really don't sleep any more) I began to think about creating another fragment, with the purpose of B.S.-ing my way through life: confident, emotionless, driven, ruthless, greedy, shallow, etc. I'd just "kill" the others and hide behind someone who'd work and earn and succeed. Right now, I'm stifled and it's not going to change. But if there were a way I could create another identity, I could at least feel like a contributing human until I ctb.
If only that were possible. It's not. I am who I am: pathetic, a failure, a foolish overgrown child who can't get past deep wounds of abandonment. But the thought was a nice escape even for only an hour or two in the wee hours of the night.
In the middle of the night last night (I really don't sleep any more) I began to think about creating another fragment, with the purpose of B.S.-ing my way through life: confident, emotionless, driven, ruthless, greedy, shallow, etc. I'd just "kill" the others and hide behind someone who'd work and earn and succeed. Right now, I'm stifled and it's not going to change. But if there were a way I could create another identity, I could at least feel like a contributing human until I ctb.
If only that were possible. It's not. I am who I am: pathetic, a failure, a foolish overgrown child who can't get past deep wounds of abandonment. But the thought was a nice escape even for only an hour or two in the wee hours of the night.
