weakest gd player
New Member
- Nov 5, 2025
- 3
I want to start sharing what i write to myself to people but not people that know me irl. so what im going to do each day is post my thoughts on here instead
feel even more stupid than i did yesterday. i cannot believe i smoked spice because i was so desperate to get high. how and why do i feel this bad i dont
understand its driving me crazy. i knew socialising at uni would be fucking hard but jesus christ this is insane. i have to do so much to socialise and try so hard when
others do it so seemlessly and without even thinking. its unfair and i fucking hate it. i want to cut myself so bad to get rid of the weight in my chest because it just
wont go. ive been basically hibernating from people since the weekend just to try and recover from the amount of socialising i endured. not to mention im also
back on sasu, nothing has come from it yet but im begining to start typing my thoughts out to people which was what lead me to go down THAT whole rabbit hole of misery
ugh just remembered i also went looking on drughub and dark matter for china white cut with fent and also some m30s to crush up and smoke so i can die, unfortunetly neither
of them sell it, well DH has a outright rule that says no fent but DM is seeming to have people selling cut heroin. i also am thinking that posting on sasu will lead to
me finding another SN vendor especially seeing that the og guy got arrested ages ago. people have been saying that its easy to make a buisness as a front and buy it from a
certain official vendor i cant remember the name of. i had a dream last night about killing myself with SN and my thoughts are overall just really dark at the moment.
and another bad thing happened today too. i ended up getting my own weed pen and edibles too because richard and rian bought 14g. i feel like my life is going to spiral but
this time i wont have friends or family to be with me when shit gets rough, even rougher than it already is. next week i plan to start only smoking friday and saturday which
will maybe work and maybe start me on my track to begin becoming more normal again even though i was never normal and only faking it to others.
sorry for poor grammar or spelling mistakes im just taking it straight out of my notepad and pasting it here
feel even more stupid than i did yesterday. i cannot believe i smoked spice because i was so desperate to get high. how and why do i feel this bad i dont
understand its driving me crazy. i knew socialising at uni would be fucking hard but jesus christ this is insane. i have to do so much to socialise and try so hard when
others do it so seemlessly and without even thinking. its unfair and i fucking hate it. i want to cut myself so bad to get rid of the weight in my chest because it just
wont go. ive been basically hibernating from people since the weekend just to try and recover from the amount of socialising i endured. not to mention im also
back on sasu, nothing has come from it yet but im begining to start typing my thoughts out to people which was what lead me to go down THAT whole rabbit hole of misery
ugh just remembered i also went looking on drughub and dark matter for china white cut with fent and also some m30s to crush up and smoke so i can die, unfortunetly neither
of them sell it, well DH has a outright rule that says no fent but DM is seeming to have people selling cut heroin. i also am thinking that posting on sasu will lead to
me finding another SN vendor especially seeing that the og guy got arrested ages ago. people have been saying that its easy to make a buisness as a front and buy it from a
certain official vendor i cant remember the name of. i had a dream last night about killing myself with SN and my thoughts are overall just really dark at the moment.
and another bad thing happened today too. i ended up getting my own weed pen and edibles too because richard and rian bought 14g. i feel like my life is going to spiral but
this time i wont have friends or family to be with me when shit gets rough, even rougher than it already is. next week i plan to start only smoking friday and saturday which
will maybe work and maybe start me on my track to begin becoming more normal again even though i was never normal and only faking it to others.
sorry for poor grammar or spelling mistakes im just taking it straight out of my notepad and pasting it here
