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eaturdirt
Focused on healing 💭
- Apr 14, 2024
- 104
I knew this was going to happen and still it feels like a punch to the gut. The fact that probably no one is going to understand how I feel, how my brain works and why I act the way I do. The fact that I'll never be able to make a romantic connection with a person because I got too much going on in my mind to even function normally. Nobody will ever romantically like me again and I'll stay alone forever. I want to be loved so badly, but I'm scared because it overtakes my entire being, I don't want to put that pressure on someone else. I just make every relationship toxic and unstable. It's not like I have the looks to let people stay with me. I'm so sad, I just wish I was normal. The urge to kill myself has immediately gotten worse too. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate feeling and being like this. I just read something that felt so familiar to me. "I wanna burn down every bridge I built because I'm the only one who keeps it from falling apart". I feel this way about all the friendships I have and about all the people I know. (And I don't even know a lot of them) the urge to just die en wither away is huge. I just want to not exist and not deal with people and basic life stuff. I want to rot away.