Venting Desperation is like the only thing I feel anymore

[DeadD]

Im always desperate. Desperate for satisfaction, Serotonin, for the pain to stop, to feel like I'm being heard, etc. I'm always desperate and my needs always feel wildly unmet to a degree where I just feel like I'm rotting away. Trying to talk about it in the actual depth I'm feeling is impossible. I feel especially isolated from the people I'm supposed to feel close with. No one gets it. It's exhausting. You have to construct everything you do and say because people cannot handle the reality of the situation and their reactions make everything worse. "You can talk to me" but you really have no idea how much I cannot. Coupled with the fact that just the way everyone in my life reacts to me saying I want to die, my disabled brain won't let me get out the words I need to properly express what I'm feeling

I'm done feeling like I'm trapped in a body that's just constantly short circuiting and breaking down. I'm tired of not living in the environment I need to thrive. I know that environment is unobtainable.

I hate how I feel every day and I hate the way I interact with others. I want to be done so bad. Deadass I'm just done and I'm only here because I don't want to hurt anyone with my death but idk how much longer I can lay around in my own rot

 

[RedDEE]

Oh believe me, I know desperation.

I'm so desperate I walked to the store and shoplifted a 12 pack of beer. For the fourth time this month.

I'm so desperate, I made a thread 2 days ago begging someone to bring me a shotgun shell, because I have a shotgun and no ammo, and no way to get any.

I'm so desperate, I emailed my ex-lover of 5+ years to take me back..

I feel like a baby-bird, waiting for my momma to bring home some worms, but only get very small morsels.

I'll explain this all to the COPS when I go MOTHERFUCKING LUNATIC!

 

[Cry]

I understand you
I understand what it is to not be understood or to be treated as "crazy" just because of what our disabled mind feels and not being able to say what you really feel for fear of being judged

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

"You can talk to me" but you really have no idea how much I cannot.

This resonates so strongly with me. The few people who have been brave enough to even approach me like to offer their ear, but I know I couldn't actually talk to them about how I'm feeling. I can't actually tell my husband or my mother. How am I going to tell you?

 

[stillweary]

"You can talk to me" doesn't work because those conversations are always so simple and shallow. It's the emotional equivalent of trying to teach someone something new and breaking it down into baby steps, just to have them try to give "advice" back about something they only just learned and barely understand. There's no connection because their depth of experience doesn't match yours. You aren't met where you need to be met, yet they walk away feeling self-congratulatory, because they gave you some "advice."