I'm so fucking desperate to stop hurting. I need help- I so desperately need help-- I have tried every major treatment with no shift in my depression. I couldn't call for help without being hospitalized, professionals don't have any new suggestions for me anymore, and just talking about it is as helpful as putting a bandaid on a tumor. I'm fucking terrified because I can't continue to live like this indefinitely but I can't actually find the help I need either.
I have not a clue which country you currently live in, but I know in some places there are emergency room for people who's mental are in critical condition-voluntarily temporary hospitalization-basically it provides a safer environment against self-harming, stronger drugs treatments, more intensive therapy. The most important thing is that unless you hurt yourself or others during the process, you can leave based on your own decision. I went to places like this a couple of times when things went really really bad during those periods. It is the exact opposite of involuntarily hospitalization.
If there is no such a facility in the place you live, maybe contacts close friends, revisit your happy moments together, in the purpose of taking your mind away form the current awful situation, other than that, watch your favorite movies or read your favorite books would do the same trick.
In any case, wish you well and good luck.