Venting Desperate for death

[Ardesevent]

My life is falling apart. My face is still shriveling up, and I still can't fall asleep at night, and haven't for days. I'm starting to show symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome, and if I do have it I probably can't afford to have it treated. I can't stand the thought of leaving the house, knowing that no one's even noticed or cared that I haven't left it for months is pretty discouraging.
I'm just considering setting myself on fire at this point. I'm all for a nasty death, but something like that will take too long and attract too much attention. Almost all other methods have been taken from me, and I've lost count of how many times I've attempted partial. I'll probably wait a bit to see if I can mine bitcoin to order some SN, but my next year of college starts on the 19th. I have to be dead by then- there's no way I'll survive it on my current state.

 

[FriendofDeath]

Please don't try the fire method! Why must you ctb before school starts back up? Has something happened in particular to push you into impulsive behavior? And if you're not getting any sleep, that can DEFINITELY be affecting you - mind, body and spirit.

 

[WornOutLife]

I know that feeling bro, however, I agree with FriendofDeath, setting yourself on fire is soooo painful and also dangerous for the area. Innocent people might die if the fire spreads too much.
Why not hanging or getting a gun? SN sounds nice too.
With you the best.

 

[jameslb72]

are you using stimulants to help lift your mood? that could explain insomnia. when im in why worst periods of wanting to exit life i often only about three hours and thats brokensleep- even with diaz and a sleeping pill. Settingyourself on fire soudns horrific, i think i would choose any other medthod than that. Then again im afraid of everything that is why i live a life i cant bear but im terrified of death. Sending you best wishes and blessings anyway

 

[Ardesevent]

Please don't try the fire method! Why must you ctb before school starts back up? Has something happened in particular to push you into impulsive behavior? And if you're not getting any sleep, that can DEFINITELY be affecting you - mind, body and spirit.

I've been dealing with severe social anxiety for the past few months, and that'll definitely make school impossible, even if it's online. I think mostly boredom is pushing it.

I know that feeling bro, however, I agree with FriendofDeath, setting yourself on fire is soooo painful and also dangerous for the area. Innocent people might die if the fire spreads too much.
Why not hanging or getting a gun? SN sounds nice too.
With you the best.

I had a gun, but it got taken away from me a few days ago. There's not an area I have aces s to where I can hang myself, either.

are you using stimulants to help lift your mood? that could explain insomnia. when im in why worst periods of wanting to exit life i often only about three hours and thats brokensleep- even with diaz and a sleeping pill. Settingyourself on fire soudns horrific, i think i would choose any other medthod than that. Then again im afraid of everything that is why i live a life i cant bear but im terrified of death. Sending you best wishes and blessings anyway

I haven't been using stimulants- I just haven't been able to sleep at all for some reason. Maybe I should look into them.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I hope you find a peaceful way to ctb soon. It sounds like you have so much pain from this life and I wish you well.

 

[FriendofDeath]

Have you had any treatment for the insomnia? It can really mess with you. Has this been ongoing? Did the social anxiety start before, after or with the insomnia? It can't be getting any easier because now you are probably obsessing over no sleep, adding to your anxiety. Have you ever been treated for that? I will certainly respect any decision you make. Just a bit worried because you're experiencing things that make it difficult to make any decision. I may seem overly concerned about the insomnia - it's because I have been pushed for further treatment, or at least a sleep study. Wishing you the best!

 

[jameslb72]

I've been dealing with severe social anxiety for the past few months, and that'll definitely make school impossible, even if it's online. I think mostly boredom is pushing it.


I had a gun, but it got taken away from me a few days ago. There's not an area I have aces s to where I can hang myself, either.

I haven't been using stimulants- I just haven't been able to sleep at all for some reason. Maybe I should look into them.

if you use anything of a stimulant nature, take it before 1pm then it shouldnt affecty our sleep. Sleeping pills are addictive they can help in the short term, being awake at night when yu are in despair is hellish i do sympathise. much love x

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

There are so many issues that could potentially be at play here. I think you should talk to a doctor - not about the suicidal feelings, but about the extraneous issues that seem to augment your suicidality.

You mentioned expensive medical treatment. Does that mean you're in the US? You also mention college. Are you under 26 and on your parents' health plan? I'd really like you to feel free to see a doctor.

And I really, really don't want you to set yourself on fire.

 

[Ardesevent]

I hope you find a peaceful way to ctb soon. It sounds like you have so much pain from this life and I wish you well.

Thank you. I hope you feel better soon too.

Have you had any treatment for the insomnia? It can really mess with you. Has this been ongoing? Did the social anxiety start before, after or with the insomnia? It can't be getting any easier because now you are probably obsessing over no sleep, adding to your anxiety. Have you ever been treated for that? I will certainly respect any decision you make. Just a bit worried because you're experiencing things that make it difficult to make any decision. I may seem overly concerned about the insomnia - it's because I have been pushed for further treatment, or at least a sleep study. Wishing you the best!

I haven't had any treatment for the insomnia.
It's been happening for a few months now. The social anxiety started before the insomnia, and I have medication for it. I've been so focused on trying to fix my face that I haven't really been remembering to take it recently. Good wishes.

if you use anything of a stimulant nature, take it before 1pm then it shouldnt affecty our sleep. Sleeping pills are addictive they can help in the short term, being awake at night when yu are in despair is hellish i do sympathise. much love x

Thanks for the info. If I do sleep, I usually end up sleeping past noon, so taking stimulants probably isn't safe. Good luck out there.

There are so many issues that could potentially be at play here. I think you should talk to a doctor - not about the suicidal feelings, but about the extraneous issues that seem to augment your suicidality.

You mentioned expensive medical treatment. Does that mean you're in the US? You also mention college. Are you under 26 and on your parents' health plan? I'd really like you to feel free to see a doctor.

And I really, really don't want you to set yourself on fire.

I am in the U.S.- but I still should be on my parent's health plan.