Desperate for Advice

[yellowcat]

I can't find help, peace, safety anywhere I feel like no matter what I do it's always hurting others and I don't want to feel the guilt anymore.
I'm desperate to die and to be at peace with no guilt, worry and pressure. I want to leave my loved ones in peace knowing I am not longer suffering but I'm a coward and always feel lonely in the end.

I am desperate to hit the floor feel all the pain I deserve to feel or suffocate. Overdoses haven't worked for me.

No one can help me and I can't help myself I just hate feeling so alone in a scary place.. no one understands. If I just had the courage to jump. I hope someone here can hopefully relate. Is it worse to stay or to go?

 

[Mitsumi]

I understand you. When I was 10-16 I always feared what would happen to my family and people around me if I were to disappear. That is why I didn´t try as much as I wanted. I always feel guilty and can´t control my emotions on the inside. Also overdoses didn´t do anything for me either. I feel like no one seems me even. Beyond understanding. Hope this helps.

 

[yellowcat]

there's just no hope.. nothing left and no one to talk to. The people that do are being broken down by me hurting myself but I don't know how to cope with the pain. I want peace and when is the point you accept that nothing is going to work.. some people are evil. I envy my dad for getting to die peacefully and leaving us so how can I do that to my mum.. i wish I was brave enough to do it. But in the end I get scared and alone I just want someone to be there to tell me it will be okay. I think I'm going to jump tonight but the fear of it not working is stopping me
I was thinking about trying something that isn't as high as when I'm on the bridge I just imagine hitting the cars and hurting those at the bottom.. and I struggle to let go.

 

[Bruce]

Is it worse to stay or to go?

@yellowcat You are asking if we know the future. I for one, don't. All I can give is :hugs: and truth, all I can do is care. I'm sorry that you're suffering but if you're asking if it will stop or go on forever like this.. I don't know. : (

 

[yellowcat]

I know I'm asking the impossible.. my plan was to do it tonight and it's my perfect opportunity and everything's sorted. I'm hoping I have the strength and won't be a coward this time. I can't wait to be at peace

 

[yellowcat]

hoping if anyone has any tips for getting past that letting go of the railings. Feeling calm and ready now thanks to some lovely chemical friends but they won't end it for good. Need to be sure I'm ready and go without taking too long. If anyone is there it would be nice to know I'm not on my own. Please pray it works I'm looking forward fo the peace it will bring

 

[UKscotty]

Only you know if you should stay or go.

If you want to stay, check out the recovery section. If you want to go, there are loads of quick and easy methods outlined in the various mega threads.

 

[Bruce]

hoping if anyone has any tips for getting past that letting go of the railings. Feeling calm and ready now thanks to some lovely chemical friends but they won't end it for good. Need to be sure I'm ready and go without taking too long. If anyone is there it would be nice to know I'm not on my own. Please pray it works I'm looking forward fo the peace it will bring

You're not alone! As long as you're on SS, you're not alone.

 

[Chelsea Leng]

20 apples may solve your problems
The lethal dose of cyanide is 1mg per kg of body weight. An apple contains around 4mg so a person of 80kgs (175lbs) would need to eat 80mg or the seeds of over 20 apples to reach the lethal dose but these would have to be ground into fine powder.
Whole seeds would likely pass through your digestive track mostly undigested.