Desperate for a boyfriend

[FireFox]

I never had a boyfriend and still a virgin.
Seeing couples holding hands together in public when i used to shopping , hearing couples moving in together like adults etc.

It kills me because want someone to love me like that, take an interest in my life etc

If i had a boyfriend it would make me a better person and give me something to live for.

A relationship means i will never be lonely again, my self esteem will improve and can have more fun.

 

[Mr2005]

I never had a boyfriend and still a virgin.
Seeing couples holding hands together in public when i used to shopping , hearing couples moving in together like adults etc.

It kills me because want someone to love me like that, take an interest in my life etc

If i had a boyfriend it would make me a better person and give me something to live for.

A relationship means i will never be lonely again, my self esteem will improve and can have more fun.

I just read your other comment. Don't give up on your dreams!

 

[Serenity]

I completely understand this - my ex gave me a reason to keep going too. The issue is, what if they leave? For me, when my ex left, it destroyed me. You could end up worse off than before you dated in the first place.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

Unfortunately a relationship doesn't mean you'll never be lonely again, they usually end at some point and sometimes heartache is almost too much to bare. I understand your longing. Despite all the relationships I've have, I long for someone to truly love me. It's corny but have you tried any dating apps? I've met some genuine people through those (also 10x the amount of assholes just wanting a hookup), plus it's nice to just simply talk to new people even if it doesn't go anywhere.

Edit: Have you heard the song To Die For by Sam Smith? Your situation, and mine, remind me of it.

 

[Mr2005]

I completely understand this - my ex gave me a reason to keep going too. The issue is, what if they leave? For me, when my ex left, it destroyed me. You could end up worse off than before you dated in the first place.

You can't enjoy life if you never do anything in case it goes wrong. Take it from me you regret more what you didn't do

 

[qwerty32]

Have you tried dating apps? As a guy, I haven't been successful on them. I've met some in person but no connection came out of them and I've given up on dating apps. Wouldn't hurt for you to try.

Being in a relationship is great, but at the same time (here's a warning) there will be some arguments and problems. One thing to always try to remember is always remember the reason why the both of you love each other. But most importantly try not to be in a relationship for the sake of just being in a relationship. It's not going to solve all your problems.
In my personal opinion, when you're in a relationship, problems will come up outside challenging both parties of the relationship and those problems will either make both of you stronger or it'll break up.

I hate to sound like a dating guru every time I post here on SS, and I sure as hell not an expert in relationship advice, I just don't want people to suffer what I went through which is the reason why I'm here on SS.

 

[itsamadworld]

Come to think of it, from reading other people's posts. I am terrrible at giving relationship advice, but I can tell you this: Relationships can really be toxic.....For instance, when I was married, it was the most miserable 7 years of my life! He and I had such different values...I sum it up as "We came from two different worlds!" And divorce! that is no picknick in the park...it was hell on earth for me! ugg haha This is one of the reasons, that brought me here....I went on dating sites in the past. I recommend taking care. People can be dishonest, not only that, but many people don't know themselves very well....

 

[HelensNepenthe]

With the current mental health problems you're enduring, a significant other may become the enabler of your issues. A relationship will temporarily numb how you are feeling now (e.g. not having a boyfriend and virginity). There is no way of anyone fixing these problems. I believe, with all due respect, having a relationship in your position is selfish. You'll numb your turmoil of problems today, and when these problems occur again, which is almost with certainty they will, it'll only be a large snowball thrown at you or your significant other. It is toxic to place yourself in a relationship while neglecting today's problems you're enduring.

Relationships are temporary. If you're in this fragile state of not feeling appreciated, loved, or however you may be feeling currently, they will come again if someone breaks up with you.

FireFox, you are in for a ride if you believe the world is sunshine and rainbows when you're in a relationship. Your problems of overly being jealous of someone's relationship is unnerving in recent posts I've read from you. That'll only grow if you forget about yourself and don't work these problems out.

 

[MissKatrina]

I've dated a lot. In fact, I've just got out of a fairytale relationship which along with some other stuff led me to this site. Through it I've still had depression and been suicidal, but still made some of the best and worst memories of my life.

Having dated gives you some confidence, but it doesn't completely flip things or make life feel worth it because you've got a man. In fact depression is challenging to manage in a relationship. It feels like you're burdening them with being sad all the time, which can lead you to pretend to be happy which is exhausting and worsens depression.

What's more important than having a relationship with someone else, is building a healthy relationship with yourself. Work on improving yourself and being the badass sexy woman person you want to be. Sure you may be suicidal, but you can also learn to be a great baker, or dancer, or love reading or know every single song in the chart, or play a great game of chess. Build your self esteem, build your personality and character. It's a very attractive quality to have and it makes you a better person. If you can't do anything, clean. Healthy sight leads to a slightly healthier mind.

 

[FireFox]

A relationship would give me a purpose in life.
Since graduating university i have no purpose anymore and cant stop crying everyday.

Primarily the biggest reason why i want to catch the bus

All i ever knew was how to study and write an essay now i dont know anything else. It is so awful .

If i had a boyfriend i will have an idenitity, a purpose.
I am just fed of everything in my life. I just dont belong here anymore and feel like i will never find my place in the world.
I feel like i will never find a new normal

 

[Xunnsu]

You have to put yourself out there and continue to look and meet new people. It can be quite hard to find someone that connects with you. But there's just no way around it. There's no other option.

I can understand that desire to connect with someone. I was 20 years old the first time I connected with a girl and the only reason it happened is because I met someone new.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

Living vicariously through other people is not healthy. Having a codependency will cause your problems to escalate into much larger, uncontrollable problems. Not leaving the house will not lead someone to magically come crawling at your doorstep either. Enjoy people. Life will not be in order for the next 8 to 12 months, with many facilities like concerts for example being cancelled until 2021.

COVID-19 has caused large elephant in the room -- mental health. We cannot do what we would normally do day-to-day. I genuinely empathize with you a lot. I struggle with a similar problem where my happiness is contingent on others. If you work on yourself, practice hobbies, go to meetups, you will find someone who is interested in you. If you're going to get a boyfriend out of going to social events is not a guarantee.

Socializing in addition to looking groomed are the stepping blocks of finding anyone. You're more focused on having that relationship status than focusing on getting out to talk with other men.

 

[limpingtowardfreedom]

You're in a position where you have a unique opportunity to find out how to live for yourself and not just how you were told to live up until now. It's hard, and it's miserable, and it sucks, but what you can gain from it is immeasurable. Most people never even have the chance to realize they were living without purpose.

I'm unattractive and socially inept and I've managed to have several fulfilling relationships and you can too, all you have to do is take the steps to get there. Connection is important, and I certainly won't presume to tell you you don't need it, I know I do, but be careful not to replace one source of external validation with another when you can become so much more right now.

 

[porfin1234]

Everyone here has given really good advice.
I empathize with you, I really do... but be careful what you wish for. You could find the partner of your dreams but if you don't have a solid ground to stand on on your own and expect them to save you, no matter how much they love you, if there are deep seated issues it will never be enough and you run the risk of causing damage to both of you. Even if it helps you at first , a healthy relationship requires a lot of work and patience. It's a give and take, and like the saying says, "you can't pour from an empty cup". Plus you don't want to end up with someone not suitable for you out of sheer desperation. You have to know yourself and own identity well enough to know what you want from a partner. It's hard to find someone that fits you well plus is willing to fight for a serious healthy relationship that lasts and isn't just a fling- and if you do get lucky enough to find that, do not take it for granted and be the best you can for the both of you. It's very hard to come by.

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Aw I do believe you will find a loving partner one day. But this mentality is very unrealistic.

If i had a boyfriend it would make me a better person and give me something to live for.

A relationship means i will never be lonely again, my self esteem will improve and can have more fun.

A relationship comes with its own set of challenges. From the outside it can seem like a 'fix' for our loneliness, low self-esteem, etc. That is simply not true. Those issues will continue to follow you and even affect your future relationships (possibly codependant).

You are a wonderful person as you are. Nobody can give or take that away from you.

You really need to love yourself first and find satisfaction with just being you. A relationship will let you share your love, experiences, etc with a great person who will reciprocate that. But nobody can fill that deep void within you except yourself.

The journey to self love is a long one, but I believe it is the wise path to take before you pursue a relationship.

 

[The nerd]

Male? Female? Reason I ask is to give proper advice. Imo, any woman has a better chance of landing a guy than a guy has of landing a woman. Just depends on the woman mindset. Won't get into too much detail until I know ops gender. And yes, it does make a difference. A man looking for another dude has the weight of the world on their shoulders and so much they may be worried about when looking for a mate.

 

[FireFox]

Male? Female? Reason I ask is to give proper advice. Imo, any woman has a better chance of landing a guy than a guy has of landing a woman. Just depends on the woman mindset. Won't get into too much detail until I know ops gender. And yes, it does make a difference. A man looking for another dude has the weight of the world on their shoulders and so much they may be worried about when looking for a mate.

Female

 

[The Abyss]

I never had a boyfriend and still a virgin.
Seeing couples holding hands together in public when i used to shopping , hearing couples moving in together like adults etc.

It kills me because want someone to love me like that, take an interest in my life etc

If i had a boyfriend it would make me a better person and give me something to live for.

A relationship means i will never be lonely again, my self esteem will improve and can have more fun.

Not so sure about all that, I'm in the same boat as you & 33. Yeah, it ain't good but I have bigger problems than that namely Asperger's & social anxiety, could have bipolar on top but that last one was never diagnosed.

 

[MartyByrde]

Fwiw, some of my loneliest times have been while in a relationship.

 

[FireFox]

Fwiw, some of my loneliest times have been while in a relationship.

Why
If you dont mind me asking?

 

[Nem]

Omg, the sole reason I'm on here is because I was in a shit filled relationship with a fucking sociopath and I kid you fucking not. Embrace the fact you are single and the fairy tale relationships have nothing over the toxic ones that you don't see.
I'd kill to be in your position and I'm not using the word kill lightly either
Peace/hugs

 

[MartyByrde]

Why
If you dont mind me asking?

No problem.

Long story short, I have intellectual and social needs that cannot be met by a single person. When I become too reliant on my partner, I oftentimes end up frustrated because I want and need more out of life than one person can be reasonably expected to provide. I also think it's important for my partner to have their own lives outside the relationship, because I can only do so much too.

When I was younger, I thought being in a relationship was everything I needed. Once I became single in my late teens, I realized I was missing out at times, due to be so involved in romance. Having time alone helped me grow as an individual, as well as get to know myself.

(Don't mind me, now that my life has fallen apart, and I'm on this site. I did have some great times. If only I could turn the clock back 20 years.)

 

[FireFox]

Omg, the sole reason I'm on here is because I was in a shit filled relationship with a fucking sociopath and I kid you fucking not. Embrace the fact you are single and the fairy tale relationships have nothing over the toxic ones that you don't see.
I'd kill to be in your position and I'm not using the word kill lightly either
Peace/hugs

No person is worth ending your life over .

I hope you find love again with someone who really respects you and loves you for you.

You are right i forget toxic relationships also exist.

As my birthday approaches i am actually losing my mind .

I keep worrying the older i am men will not find me attractive anymore.

We are always told men like young women

I always thought by now i would be in a relationship.

I feel immature for my age i feel like maybe if i had a relationship i can actually grow up.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Been single all my life. It hurts me sometimes when I see couples outside. I feel bad when I see all my friends have gfs except me. This is not the main reason I want to ctb but it contributes. But I know it won't make me happy being in a relationship. I'd still be depressive because of my deformed torax and chronic pain. And my mental health can't improve. I refuse treatment. I wish i were healthy..
But how could I know being in a relationship is good for me? I should start to focus in things that I have (family, friends, house,job) instead of things I don't.. maybe it helps. I became a man that the only thing that wants is to be dead. That's sad but it's the truth. I feel like this for a long time.

 

[Blackpoolbootz]

Hi Firefox. I've made loads of mistakes with relationships, Perhaps I was too eager for one I've ended up with real narcissist and was not mentally strong at time to defend myself. Getting into a relationship meaning meeting people alot of times I wish I didn't being used ect. Think it's best to take it easy get to know people and don't have enticipation that you want a relationship to fix things instantly. Think we all want a fairy tail relationship thous of us that are single, their will be someone out for you somewhere just don't waste time with someone that's not suitable cause you don't want to be lonely (mistake I always make ) take care x

 

[FireFox]

Do you put yourself out there (for instance through dating apps)? I've never had a gf and I'm 23 because I knew I'd end up killing myself so I figured why should I bother? Probably one of my biggest regrets in life, I passed on so many relationships which I now regret. Consequently, I'm beyond lonely and I understand very much how you feel. Everyone telling you to be happy that you're single just doesn't understand, it's impossible for them. Sure having a toxic relationship might be bad, but so is being alone. It's impossible to be happy when you have no one.
Keep your head up and try to identify the reasons for which you aren't finding a boyfriend. If this is your only reason to CTB, then work on it before killing yourself. Sign up for 20 dating apps, go to bars, whatever it takes. There's no reason to not give it a good amount of effort. If it doesn't work, you can always come back here at a later point in time.

I take an interest in guys but they never seem to recopricate.

At university i asked a guy out at the last minute he sent a text message saying he was not interested . This has happend again with another guy.

 

[Apathy79]

I've been engaged before, and single now, and in my case I vastly prefer the latter. Each to their own, but I think Coach Irv from Cool Runnings summed it up best when he said:

"If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it".

A relationship might be a nice change but it's not a fix. That something to live for needs to come from within. In general any "I'd be happy if only x happens" is not going to turn out true.

As for running out of time, unless you're hellbent on having kids, you've got your whole life. Heck my Mum's best friend just got married a few years ago in her 70s.

 

[darkhorse256]

I never had a boyfriend and still a virgin.
Seeing couples holding hands together in public when i used to shopping , hearing couples moving in together like adults etc.

It kills me because want someone to love me like that, take an interest in my life etc

If i had a boyfriend it would make me a better person and give me something to live for.

A relationship means i will never be lonely again, my self esteem will improve and can have more fun.

I used to think the same until I got into a relationship. My partner definitely loves me but that alone is not enough for me to not want to CTB. There are a whole host of problems that make me want to CTB and love alone cannot solve them. I'm not dead because I do want to try and stay alive for him but this type of existence is painful too. I'm living for the sake of someone when all I want to do is end it.

 

[waterbottleman]

I never had a boyfriend and still a virgin.
Seeing couples holding hands together in public when i used to shopping , hearing couples moving in together like adults etc.

It kills me because want someone to love me like that, take an interest in my life etc

If i had a boyfriend it would make me a better person and give me something to live for.

A relationship means i will never be lonely again, my self esteem will improve and can have more fun.

Hello there, I sympathize with you as I'm a man who has struggled his whole life attracting women.

I don't know who you are or what you're looking for so maybe my recommendation wont appeal to you which is okay but if I were you I'd recommend trying online dating like tinder (or something like that).

There's a lot of guys there who just want to hook up (which is totally cool to do if that is what you want to do) but I'm sure there are some looking for a girlfriend. Just make sure if you do try this route that you stay safe as there are a lot of questionable men out there.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

I never had a boyfriend and still a virgin.
Seeing couples holding hands together in public when i used to shopping , hearing couples moving in together like adults etc.

It kills me because want someone to love me like that, take an interest in my life etc

If i had a boyfriend it would make me a better person and give me something to live for.

A relationship means i will never be lonely again, my self esteem will improve and can have more fun.

There are a lot of lonely nice fellows. Maybe some might even be here because, like you, they wish they had a nice girl. Wouldn't it be great if you two could meet!