Venting Desire to be loved

[Anne Alias]

I know its a rotten, selfish want, but..

I just want to be someones favourite. I want to be the one thing they love more than anything else, more than their parents or their friends or their fucking dog, I want to be the one they love the most. I know I don't deserve it. I know its too much for something like me, but god I just want to be cared about like that. If I left someones life, theyd always remember how much I meant. How good and perfect I was, how much they miss me, I don't want to be forgotten.

I want to belong to someone like that.

I wish, god I wish I had a place in someones heart like that. To be held and loved and known and to know and everything it means to be close to another living thing, wouldn't that be perfect? I wish it could happen. There's nothing inside me though, anytime I see myself its less a person and more a hole in the world. A lack of existence. Still though, it cant help but hold a selfish little want in its heart. It would be so much easier if it didn't start trying- really trying to want. But it did, and here we are. Now it can see how little it really is.

Its such a greedy thing isnt it,

To want to be everything to someone. To be what they care about more than anything. To be someones world; Its not something that can happen. To aim a little lower, below it being everything, it just needs to be a favourite. Sure, its not everything, But its still something. The best something they could ever want or need, loved and cherished and cared for and never forgotten. Thats still too high though, aim lower. Stop dreaming impossible things that only grow the aching want inside your chest, be realistic. To be loved, sure, theres others stealing your space in their life, their time, their attention, but you're still there. They still love it, even a little. Theres late nights spent together, meals eaten together and games played, shows watched, time spent. Its not quite as much as it'd like, but it's a little something. Still, thats too high. For a full person to love a heap of, what, scraps- shaped into a person? Dont be ridiculous, that cant happen. It would be a waste of their time and energy. No, no of course not. To be cared for? To hang out every once and a while, for them to go out of their way to help it out? Help eachother move, go for a walk maybe. Talk once and a while. Still too much. To be known is all thats left, but even that isnt possible. theres nothing here to know.

It's terribly selfish, but being everything to someone just sounds so, so...
Perfect.


Too fuckin bad we all die alone though, eh? Oh well~ its all good. I hope you have a better night than I am, whoever reads this. Really.

 

[Hollowman]

I can't be known either my identity is f**ked. I want the same as you but it's impossible.

 

[encore]

my insatiable need for love is what will inevitably put me in a grave. i don't want to or can settle for less than an all-consuming, forever connection. feeling like our souls are tied, like their world is an extension of mine and vice versa; almost feeling like you can catch glimpses of their thoughts and feelings, knowing all their secrets, being sure this is your person and no one else's. there is no one in this world but you and them.

i had something similar to this once. but only once. my heart will forever stay taken by someone who ultimately couldn't choose me.

 

[monetpompo]

I just want to be someones favourite. I want to be the one thing they love more than anything else, more than their parents or their friends or their fucking dog, I want to be the one they love the most. I know I don't deserve it. I know its too much for something like me, but god I just want to be cared about like that. If I left someones life, theyd always remember how much I meant. How good and perfect I was, how much they miss me, I don't want to be forgotten.

ouuuhgghhhhhh...... sooo truuuee.....
i care about people so much it makes me an insane person and i want to please them so bad to make them happy that i start thinking that my existence isn't enough to make them happy because eventually i get too depressed again and feel like i'm not entertaining and loving them enough. i want to love people so bad because it feels so GOOD!!! it feels so GOOD to love but if people love me back that's kind of weird and disgusting??!?!!? huhhh??

for a while now i've lacked an identity and hobbies and trying to join hobby groups just hurt me because i don't mesh well with everyone else. and being remembered by people or having people care for me when i barely know them or feel attachment towards them makes me feel so weird. maybe people in general caring about me makes me feel weird since i think i need to earn it or do a good job to be loved. i just really want to love a single person a lot a lot a lot and be loved and we can orbit around each other forever even if they have other people in their lives. but that's not happening. that's not how it works. i'm just a crazy insecure person that wants to attach all my value onto another person. but it feels really good to pay attention to someone else more than you pay attention to yourself.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I really can relate...I wonder how it feels to be pandered and pampered, to have someone want to be part of your life, to make everything you do happier and better.

I wonder...

 

[cciro]

I know it's horrible but I wish I could ruin someones life when I'm gone. At least for a little bit. To be loved so much that when it's over their world collapses. Have someone really grieve for you. To be remembered years later, not as an anecdote or someone who was there sometimes, but someone truly missed.

Selfish really. Maybe it's better to leave some distance. Don't hurt others. It would be nice though.