Discussion Depression warping my views of people and my life

[Helplessturtle79]

I feel like a lot of my emotions are really unstable. It goes everywhere. The reason I'm thinking about ctb is because of life circumstances, but depression and whatever other 800 issues I have make me wonder if my mental illness is warping or exaggerating things. It's constantly hard to tell.
I feel like sometimes I have these moments of clarity where my head is above the water and I think maybe things could be better. But it can be so, so hard to tell how bad things are, whether everyone actually hates me or not, etc. Can anyone else relate?

 

[whywere]

Yes, I have through all the years had ups, downs and arounds in my mental moods and perceptions of myself, life, heck everything. I always wondered why so many people would tell me that I thought strange, looked at the world very different than anyone else and then of course that would fire up the aspects of emotions, am I so "weird" that people do not want to be around me.

Then like you said @Helplessturtle79 I not only question myself but I at times find it so darn hard to tell if I am doing good or bad, is things around me going which way? Do folks actually like or dislike me, do people really think that I am "weird" or just giving me a bad time? I did not know back then, and frankly still do not.

So, like the entire set of folks here on SS, us two have a lot in common and also we are part of a greater whole here that is fantastic!

Please take good care of yourself,

Walter

 

[timf]

Carnival fun houses have mirrors that intentionally distort how you look. They can make you look short and fat or tall and skinny. Depression is somewhat similar in that it is a filter that offsets how you see yourself, the world and the future. in a negative direction. That you get occasional glimpses of hope and positive possibilities indicates that you may be able to control the influence of this offset.

It can be helpful to recognize the influence of offset. For example when Ibuprofen was first available over the counter, one could take it after a couple of hours shoveling snow. In an hour one would feel much better and be tempted to continue. It was important to understand that the drug was just covering up (causing offset) the damage already accumulated.

Offset can be positive or negative and still cause problems. That you can recognize it a such gives you a big advantage. As you experiment with medication, supplements, nutritions, exercise sleep, and any other influences, you should be able to more accurately gauge what is effective for you because you can recognize the offset.

 

[Celerity]

Absolutely. Dealing with similar issues right now.

However, I think therapy has failed and will continue to fail for me in part because I don't think the non-depressed are necessarily any more "sane" than I am. When I really sit back and analyze the behavior and desires of ostensibly happier people, I don't see the bastions of rationality approaches like CBT say should be there.

I see a lot of people who got lucky with their life circumstances and who have stronger emotional support. They have the same propensities for rumination, self-absorption, and confirmation bias I have. They are only much more optimistic about the odds of getting what they want in life - sometimes to very bewildering degrees.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

100% relatable. My emotions ruled me with an iron fist for many years, it feels like my rational mind, pushed behind the scenes, has forgotten to think properly.
And if it does, from time to time, my emotions just push it back.
I have zero control over my emotions, or whatever you call that mixture of vivid traumatic memories, inducing social inadequacy, inducing social isolation, inducing more time to spend with invasive fears and doubts I can't tame.