Resource Depression: Treatable but not Curable

[Partial-Elf]

My doctor told me when I first started this journey that depression is very "treatable." At the time, I didn't know that "treatable" does not mean "curable." On an almost subconscious level, I thought I'd make some change in my life and that I would escape from this hell forever.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Treatable means that–with near constant effort and some luck–the symptoms of your illness can be muted and it can essentially "go into remission." The analogy isn't perfect, but I am reminded of a diabetic person who is required to constantly monitor their blood sugar and diet in order to live a functionality normal life.

To this end, I started taking bupropion/Wellbutrin about three months ago. I also made a list of things I can do that improve my mental health and give me even a shred of a serotonin molecule (even if they don't necessarily feel like it at the time). These things include:

• Exercising
• Getting seven hours of sleep
• Socializing outside of work
• Having a day completely free of drinking alcohol
• Doing physical therapy for shoulder
• Dating

I have these on a big piece of chart paper on my wall. Each month I start fresh and tally the amount of times I accomplish each of these things throughout the course of that month. I also tally the number of (alcohol) binges as well as the number of extreme lows (which I define as absolute emotional hell–hard to quantify but I always know when I'm there).

Right now I'm on month two and the results have been slightly noticeable. I'd say my baseline mood is maybe 10% better on average. I still have frequent negative and suicidal thoughts, but those periods are less common and less severe. They no longer dominate my every waking thought and I'm able to function somewhat normally.

Just thought I'd share this method of recovery tracking in case anyone could benefit.

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

Please tell me. Why are you suicidal? What issues in your life have caused your depression?

 

[Partial-Elf]

Please tell me. Why are you suicidal? What issues in your life have caused your depression?

Basically: regret over past decisions and nothing to look forward to in the future. Present consists of boredom, loneliness, and pain.

 

[thepolarbear]

Basically: regret over past decisions and nothing to look forward to in the future. Present consists of boredom, loneliness, and pain.

Sending a hug bro. Know exactly how you feel.

 

[LittleJem]

Tremendous work, so impressed you are fighting this so well. Good luck to you.

 

[Partial-Elf]

Thanks to the commenters. I think about it as if I'm "grinding" (video game reference) for serotonin/mental health points.

 

[thepolarbear]

Thanks to the commenters. I think about it as if I'm "grinding" (video game reference) for serotonin/mental health points.

Always liked grinding games myself, ever since Diablo 1 :D

Grind it is...

 

[marcusuk63]

• Exercising
• Getting seven hours of sleep
• Socializing outside of work
• Having a day completely free of drinking alcohol
• Doing physical therapy for shoulder
• Dating

Good luck with your regime and i hope you get to a point where life is bearable and you go from strength to strength .
A word of caution though be very careful with the last part , as that has been the main catalyst to putting me and many others back to square one .

 

[Partial-Elf]

• Exercising
• Getting seven hours of sleep
• Socializing outside of work
• Having a day completely free of drinking alcohol
• Doing physical therapy for shoulder
• Dating

Good luck with your regime and i hope you get to a point where life is bearable and you go from strength to strength .
A word of caution though be very careful with the last part , as that has been the main catalyst to putting me and many others back to square one .

Absolutely. I really hesitated to put that one on the chart.

 

[WhiteDespair]

• Exercising
• Getting seven hours of sleep
• Socializing outside of work
• Having a day completely free of drinking alcohol
• Doing physical therapy for shoulder
• Dating

Good luck with your regime and i hope you get to a point where life is bearable and you go from strength to strength .
A word of caution though be very careful with the last part , as that has been the main catalyst to putting me and many others back to square one .

The only thing I've done better is the alcohol. Good show.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

Thanks to the commenters. I think about it as if I'm "grinding" (video game reference) for serotonin/mental health points.

Great analogy

Especially because, usually in video games, as you level up, the xp gain is relatively slower. So progress can be fast at first but slow down which can really dishearten us. When progress gets slow and stops, we have to push through.

The lesson I learned fighting depression is to stop asking why/how I'm in such a bad mood. And to start focussing on new ways to change my mindstate.

Hope this helps, good luck

 

[Partial-Elf]

The only thing I've done better is the alcohol. Good show.

Having dry days may be the dimension with the biggest impact for me. It just sucks because I absolutely love being drunk, trying new beer, making beer–all of it.

What's nice about having multiple dimensions is that I can feel successful for a day by accomplishing any one of them. Tonight I had two beers with a friend, but I'll still get 7 hours of good sleep, get a tally for socializing, and not have to put a tally in the dreaded binge column.

 

[Myrvann]

Most commendable! Wishing you all the best on your regime. Lots of very valid details there. But please be gentle on yourself. One day at a time.

Treatable, yes. Curable, does not seem so. While abstaining from alcohol ( 21 months and counting...) has made an improvement on my mental state, I get the occasional down, suicidal periods.

Still constantly dreaming of opening that whisky and tossing away the cork, though...

 

[palatinus]

You are correct that depression is like diabetes. As a diabetic, would you rather manage your blood sugar poorly, or deal with treatment and live a longer, less unhappy life?

 

[BlackPoppet]

My Dr says the same about my insomnia. Manageable but not curable. On tablets for the rest of my life. It's very scary.

 

[Partial-Elf]

Most commendable! Wishing you all the best on your regime. Lots of very valid details there. But please be gentle on yourself. One day at a time.

Treatable, yes. Curable, does not seem so. While abstaining from alcohol ( 21 months and counting...) has made an improvement on my mental state, I get the occasional down, suicidal periods.

Still constantly dreaming of opening that whisky and tossing away the cork, though...

I also have that dream (and have done it several times in the past with predictable results). Ouch.

There's a big part of me that wishes I could just have one intense "kamehameha" moment in which I use 100% of my energy, lay out my values and identity, and then immediately fade away. This whole plodding along for decades thing is for the birds.