Its911
Sociopath
- Feb 28, 2019
- 310
Against my own natural insticts i called my mom today, shes almost 71 now but her mental state is better than mine and im only 27, she knows im a sociopath but shes unaware that im in clinically depressed because im so good at hiding my emotions from others and i was already living in a diffrent country at the time i began my depression. Shes really nice and so is my dad, but at this point they think everything i say and do, is because of my sociopathy. I can't express my depression because they think im being manipulative and just trying to get something i want. I wont lie its true 99% of the time they are right, but fuck that other 1% when i go against my natural insticts and try to be truthful and it falls on deaf ears its like being swallowed by every bad thought in my head. I know i have the Night-Night method as my main rn, but i have been looking for the rachet strap i have and cant find it anywhere in my house, tomorrow im just going to the store to get one if i dont find a suitable one im just going to buy gorrila tape and use that for the method.
This sucks. I hope at least my sister reads these posts someday, i wouldnt want my parents to, but i would like them to understand what i was really going through and the tug-and-pull going on in my head constantly.
I have no reason to complain about my life, because i have lived an amazing party life all the time with a smile in my face, but it was all for show, this apple has always been rotten inside.
Everyday i grow more weary of the constant hyperawareness, the constant calculative mentality, the lack of emotion and the lack of understanding for others. The depression now has me wrapped with insomnia and i can olny fall asleep with diazepam, or when my body just ceases to work from the stress and lack of sleep.
Tomorrow this girl i have been wanting to hook up with for years is coming over, and spending the night, i might go out to a club with her and spend the night at the hotel, because i still have my emergency back up noose hanging in the kitchen under the chair, and i dont want to take it down because i dont know if ill even have the strength or courage to put it back up.
Anyways the point im trying to get across is that people that dont know what depression is have no idea how happy a person can "look" and be dying inside.
I wish everyone not just us, would read this forum maybe then they would have an idea of what its like.
This sucks. I hope at least my sister reads these posts someday, i wouldnt want my parents to, but i would like them to understand what i was really going through and the tug-and-pull going on in my head constantly.
I have no reason to complain about my life, because i have lived an amazing party life all the time with a smile in my face, but it was all for show, this apple has always been rotten inside.
Everyday i grow more weary of the constant hyperawareness, the constant calculative mentality, the lack of emotion and the lack of understanding for others. The depression now has me wrapped with insomnia and i can olny fall asleep with diazepam, or when my body just ceases to work from the stress and lack of sleep.
Tomorrow this girl i have been wanting to hook up with for years is coming over, and spending the night, i might go out to a club with her and spend the night at the hotel, because i still have my emergency back up noose hanging in the kitchen under the chair, and i dont want to take it down because i dont know if ill even have the strength or courage to put it back up.
Anyways the point im trying to get across is that people that dont know what depression is have no idea how happy a person can "look" and be dying inside.
I wish everyone not just us, would read this forum maybe then they would have an idea of what its like.
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