Depression, Drugs, and Loneliness

[mieczyslavcekin]

Hi,

I've tried sobriety - I felt deeply depressed.
When on stimulants, I feel lots of unpleasant emotions, but I don't want to kill myself, which is what I did today.

As far as I can tell, my depression stems mostly from not having enough friends and chronic feeling of loneliness. I no longer believe talking about it during therapy will work. Nor does antidepressants have any effect on me.

Is it possible that all of this can be solved by finding meaningful connections with people? How to do it when one cannot leave one's bed without drugs? I despise most of my family, because I feel like a fool talking to them, knowing they don't get my states. I need just friends, good conversations. Again, how to do it while seriously depressed?
I really feel I ran out of options. When I come home, sometimes I start crying, because I know I'll just lie on the bed.

I'm of the conviction that not everyone can be "saved". I'm scared that I'm one of those people.

On the other hand, why is it so scary to ctb? After all, it's just a little hassle compared with chronic depression.

 

[thenorthern]

I feel this, heavy. It sucks and I wish I had an answer. Survival instinct is a bitch, huh?

 

[mieczyslavcekin]

Thanks.
I've just called a helpline and they've told me to get back on therapy. I'll do it, but I'm almost certain it'll end up with me feeling more and more guilty. What I might change this time, though, I'll try being brutally honest.
Shit, it starts again, the endless fkg explaining.