Depressed with suicidal thoughts but no intention or intrest in ending my life.

[notcomingbackatall]

So a few years ago when I was under the care of the local mental health team when I said I'm having suicidal ideation and there so intense I may follow through . The replies I got from nurses I found amazing they would say " you have capacity and if you want to do that it's your choice)

Looking back they were no help at all but that's the stance London mental health trusts take in England United Kingdom. I've been told by so many mental health practitioners if you have capability you can choose to end your life.

I felt at the time if I wanted to do it fair enough I would of but I wanted help to get rid of the intrusive thoughts and they just want you off the books for a easier job.

 

[grapevoid]

So a few years ago when I was under the care of the local mental health team when I said I'm having suicidal ideation and there so intense I may follow through . The replies I got from nurses I found amazing they would say " you have capacity and if you want to do that it's your choice)

Looking back they were no help at all but that's the stance London mental health trusts take in England United Kingdom. I've been told by so many mental health practitioners if you have capability you can choose to end your life.

I felt at the time if I wanted to do it fair enough I would of but I wanted help to get rid of the intrusive thoughts and they just want you off the books for a easier job.

For me, and maybe this will resonate with you, suicidal ideation serves as a kind of security blanket. Life is extremely over whelming sometimes and I feel very down, anxious, frustrated. Depression makes it hard for me to come up with creative solutions to my problems or see a future where things could possibly be less stressful. I mean, if it's not one thing it'll just be another right?
Anyway, I've realized that even at times when I had no interest in going through with it I always fell back on the thought process because it comforts me and gives me a sense of relief and control. No matter what's happening around me, I could always just end it all whenever I want to.

Maybe, if you check in the resources there are some free online programs that may help you? I saw one that was centered around taking control of your depression. Could be worth checking out because if you can take control of something in your life, maybe you can guide away from suicidal ideation to give you the sense of control and stability?

 

[getoutgirl]

I mean yeah technically if you have capability you Can end your life. You can also eat a shoebox. Is it the best idea or the best for you? Probably not and they should stress that in both cases. I'm sorry mental health services in your country majorly suck and haven't been able to help you properly. Maybe they wanted to highlight the fact you can have control over all you choose, including dying, and including bettering yourself. Or maybe they just suck at communicating or generally.
If you are still dealing with suicidal ideation there are probably better resoures here and elsewhere that may help you with that if your healthcare system hasn't. Take care <3

 

[grapevoid]

I mean yeah technically if you have capability you Can end your life. You can also eat a shoebox. Is it the best idea or the best for you? Probably not and they should stress that in both cases. I'm sorry mental health services in your country majorly suck and haven't been able to help you properly. Maybe they wanted to highlight the fact you can have control over all you choose, including dying, and including bettering yourself. Or maybe they just suck at communicating or generally.
If you are still dealing with suicidal ideation there are probably better resoures here and elsewhere that may help you with that if your healthcare system hasn't. Take care <3

All these years and I never once considered eating a shoe box. Am I even living life at this point?

 

[notcomingbackatall]

But I've spoken to medical practitioners that have said when i have been activly suicidal and told them before i had a attempt "suicide is a irrational decision and i would even argue in court that if your actively suicidal that you lack capability, so I can't let you go" and another time they have said " you have capacity these are the consequences"

 

[MarketValueadded]

For me, and maybe this will resonate with you, suicidal ideation serves as a kind of security blanket. Life is extremely over whelming sometimes and I feel very down, anxious, frustrated. Depression makes it hard for me to come up with creative solutions to my problems or see a future where things could possibly be less stressful. I mean, if it's not one thing it'll just be another right?
Anyway, I've realized that even at times when I had no interest in going through with it I always fell back on the thought process because it comforts me and gives me a sense of relief and control. No matter what's happening around me, I could always just end it all whenever I want to.

Maybe, if you check in the resources there are some free online programs that may help you? I saw one that was centered around taking control of your depression. Could be worth checking out because if you can take control of something in your life, maybe you can guide away from suicidal ideation to give you the sense of control and stability?

I feel the same; I think I just use suicide as a shield. I am at the stage when even a minor inconvenience will make my brain think of suicide and how to do it. I have no idea if there is an end to this or if I will ever be happy. I am not as strong as other people on here, and I don't think I can CTB so i just feel stuck and just watching videos all day doing nothing with my life.