depersonalization and derealization

[mimiopo22]

is there anyone here suffering from depersonalization and derealization? if so for how long? give me an account of your life. is a large part of why i want ctb

 

[Bruces]

Yes I have it,very unpleasant

 

[mimiopo22]

since..?

 

[Nymph]

It happened to me a few times but I don't have it frequently like a disorder and stuff

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

I started noticing it in highschool but I honestly probably had it longer than that because of abuse and trauma. I know how you feel as it adds on to why I want to CTB too.

 

[Wrennie]

I often try to mentally "escape" from myself, because I feel as though my body is just a defective prison for my mind. And when I'm jolted back to my senses, the despair of being confronted once again with my situation results in derealization.

 

[mimiopo22]

Spesso cerco di "fuggire" mentalmente da me stesso, perché sento che il mio corpo è solo una prigione difettosa per la mia mente. E quando torno in me di scatto, la disperazione di trovarmi di nuovo di fronte alla mia situazione si traduce in derealizzazione.

it happened to me.

 

[sephlove]

For a long time I thought it was normal, until I was formally diagnosed. It feels like a defence mechanism, but at all the wrong times. I had no idea this isn't something most people have, so for me it's as long as I can remember.

What's worse though - is the psychosis which accompanies it. It just started this year and is getting worse gradually. Everyday, for hours on end, sometimes the entire day and few days or a week - I will be 100% sure I believe in something but then like a light switch I will have changed my entire belief system, thoughts, etc. This happens on and off, without any control or will of my own. It's like 2 people living inside me and I am aware of both. It is exhausting. It feels like torture. I can't tell what is real anymore.

More recently I have also started to hear faint noises and seeing things that aren't there or exaggeration of things already there. Am I losing my mind? It feels like it.

 

[http-410]

Yes, I'm constantly derealized and depersonalized for more than 10 years.

It's my main reason for ctb because there was nothing that helped me feel human again and it's just getting worse.

 

[mimiopo22]

friend, you are a warrior. I've had it for 7 years and can't imagine what it would be like to have it for 10.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Living with it since 2014 after a traumatic medical situation. It's been non stop, I always feel out of it, spacey and dizzy. Ruined my life.

 

[mimiopo22]

Conviverci dal 2014 dopo una situazione medica traumatica. Non si è mai fermato, mi sento sempre fuori di testa, confuso e stordito. Rovinato la mia vita.

i send love for you

 

[Pharmaruined]

I have derealization but never realized it :)

seriously my whole life and body is numb.. it's like I'm an empty shell, no soul or emotion..
I still remember being happy but don't posses the chemicals or neurotransmitters to "feel" it
I still care about good people, state of the country etc but not attached to any outcome.. I guess I've achieved zen or I'm just a zombie.. who knows

 

[Shero]

It started when I was a child.
It always came over me spontaneously, like a wave I was struck by sudden hopelessness, sadness, sorrow and a strong feeling that I do not fit to this place.That everything is wrong, that I am adopted, that the world does not correspond to what I perceive. The colors are wrong, the environment is wrong, the people who surround me are wrong. In most cases it happened when i was with my family, occasionally at school. It feels different than a panic attack, but could cause anxiety. I wanted to yell for help, but was paralized. As quickly as it came, it faded away.

Now it is different, it is a part of me, I need it to survive. It is no longer a stone in the way but a way to isolate me when i leave the house. It is mostly there and as mentioned by another user, it makes me sluggish and woozy.

 

[Pharmaruined]

Yes, I'm constantly derealized and depersonalized for more than 10 years.

It's my main reason for ctb because there was nothing that helped me feel human again and it's just getting worse.

Yea.. 10 years for me too..keeps getting worse despite coming back from just about every medical affliction under the sun.. this drug is satan..

 

[NodusTollens]

Diagnosed: BPD (among other things)

I find that I experience it in waves. Triggers vary.

Whatever the given event, I'll start to feel overwhelmed, rife with emotional overload, then I notice I start to fall back; almost retreat into myself for protection. I find it can last anywhere from a couple hours to a few days. Something external often snaps me back to reality.

 

[mimiopo22]

Conviverci dal 2014 dopo una situazione medica traumatica. Non si è mai fermato, mi sento sempre fuori di testa, confuso e stordito. Rovinato la mia vita.

what triggered your depersonalization? people usually say it comes and then passes, but I've never heard of someone having it constantly like me

 

[ceelestial]

its a high anxiety stress response. It can go but drugs arent the answer.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

Hiiiii, I've experienced this since I as very very young like most of my mental illness around 10. I became familiar with the term at 14 but I forgot about until like this year.

2 months ago and a convo with a worker I realized it's still a big part of my issues. I was literally stuck in a "state or episode" for almost 2 weeks back in October and almost the whole month of November.

I also struggle with Complex PTSD so I was also struggling with the emotional flashback aspect.

I find mental health professionals are not that well versed in these things (dissociation included) so I haven't gotten a lot of help outside of just coping by myself.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I had a bad episode of depersonalization just yesterday. Usually are very few times and last hours but yesterday was the whole day and it was fucking horrible. I felt awful. Can't imagine how could one feel having it all days or for more than a week.

 

[mimiopo22]

Proprio ieri ho avuto un brutto episodio di spersonalizzazione. Di solito sono pochissime volte e ultime ore, ma ieri è stata tutta la giornata ed è stato orribile. Mi sentivo malissimo. Non riesco a immaginare come ci si possa sentire ad averlo tutti i giorni o per più di una settimana.

and for 7 years?

 

[sugar]

Yes I've experienced depersonalisation many times. I once entered that state while driving and just knew I had to get home as soon as possible. It started from a young age, I remember feeling like everything I was experiencing in that moment was not really happening.

I still haven't figured out what to do during these episodes. I just wait it out.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

and for 7 years?

7 years is too much for me. I can't imagine dealing with that constantly for 7 years. I feel sorry and wish the best to whoever has to deal with it for such a long time... Just one episode yesterday and I had a complete mental breakdown because of it; felt dizzy, weak and extremely frustrated and suicidal... I don't want anymore of that to be honest.

 

[Kat!]

It happens from time to time.
Sometimes when I get furious at something I just totally blank out and calm myself down. It's a very weird feeling but it can be both helpful, positive, or just negative. As stated above I feel like it is in fact a defense mechanism, mine is related to anxiety. When I'm with a group of a lot of people, everything feels weird, off, and fake. Psychosis, sets in.
It's a positive coping mechanism gone bad essentially.

 

[the_final_countdown]

Me too.

Corricosteroids stripped my soul.

Doesn't happen to many people. I just had a bad reaction. It happens.

I'm actually more irritated that I can't end my life.

Like I accept that life is tragic and sad. That's okay. Things didn't work out for me. That's okay.

But I don't have the courage to end my life and it really irritates me.