Deleted all socials

[valentineisbackyall]

I just deleted all my socials (except Reddit.) I am SO SICK of seeing happy shit. I know it's fake, I know people only show the best of what they have going on in their lives, but I literally have nothing to show off.

Deleting socials is like committing electronic suicide. Maybe my actual suicide won't come as much of a shock to anyone.

I still have to wait for my parents to die. That could take a few years. But after they're gone, I have no need to exist.

 

[rokonie]

Gosh i commit mini forms of "electronic suicide" so often. I'd make a new account in a new online space (like a new fandom or a new social sphere online), make mutuals and get acquainted with people, try to join some servers in hopes of feeling like i belong in a friend group, only for me to feel like everyone else gets along better with each other more than me. So then i'll end up deleting all socials related to that attempt and not speak to the new ppl i've met. Rinse and repeat with new accounts in new places.
It's kind of addicting to do because it's like im "starting new" and i have a new chance to finally find lasting connections, and if it doesn't work out i can always erase and start again. The way nobody really reaches out or cares much after I delete accounts solidifies my belief that really nobody outside of my immediate family would care if I left.

 

[valentineisbackyall]

I'm part of the Forever Alone "community," so it's becoming increasing difficult for me to see other people getting married and starting relationships and posting pictures of their vacations with their significant others. It's been a decade since my last relationship and everyone keeps saying "oh it'll happen, it'll happen," and like… no… it won't. And I'm tired of the constant reminders that it won't happen for me.

I can't even form cursory friendships with new people because they'll eventually leave me too. So I figure the best way to stop this cycle is just close the door on my socials.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense. I'm depressed and rambling.

 

[rokonie]

I'm part of the Forever Alone "community," so it's becoming increasing difficult for me to see other people getting married and starting relationships and posting pictures of their vacations with their significant others. It's been a decade since my last relationship and everyone keeps saying "oh it'll happen, it'll happen," and like… no… it won't. And I'm tired of the constant reminders that it won't happen for me.

I can't even form cursory friendships with new people because they'll eventually leave me too. So I figure the best way to stop this cycle is just close the door on my socials.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense. I'm depressed and rambling.

The lack of relationships is becoming a bigger reason why it's hard for me to connect with new people i meet now that im getting older. People my age are starting to find lifelong partners, move out with them, or get married. Even the ones who haven't have had some amount of dating experience and will find someone eventually. I'm missing out on all that, always have and probably always will. I'm aroace and feel like im missing out on a fundamental part of the human experience that everyone else seems to understand and can relate with each other to.
Pride month is particularly isolating for me even if i know aromatic asexuals are supposed to be a part of the group. But i don't get it. I don't see what's the point of being unable to feel what so many other people can. Everyone eventually finds a partner and moves on. Lovers come before friends always. I can't trust new "friends" because i know i'll always be left in the dust.

 

[Vicolo cieco]

They say social media is just a highlight reel. The fact is that other people HAVE a highlight reel, their lives are actually better than mine.