Deciding what day

[NancyVicious]

How do you decide the day you go? I see so many of you planning dates months in advance. What makes you choose it?

I didn't think I'd make it through today. I called in sick to work, thought I'd use my dressing gown belt to hang myself. But I've just laid still for hours without the energy to move.

My partner called and I thought what if I could just wait to see his face once more. To see my kids and tell them I love them for the last time.

I have to go through with it. I don't know if having those last moments will make it harder to do. Or harder for them if they have seen me. I know I should get it over with now before everything crashes down on me at the weekend. But I keep laying here not moving

 

[Engström]

My birthday used to be a trigger for me, then after failing my first attempt, I'd think to myself, try not to CTB around any holidays or around any loved one's birthdays, etc.

Now, it doesn't really matter too much. I'm estranged from my so-called father, brother and SIL and my sister who I'm very close with doesn't celebrate holidays.

Also, my situation allows for some more flexibility in the sense I don't have children and broke things off with my partner in August. I'm physically sick, and my mother died on November 2nd, 2019. Her birthday was November 17. I've got my eye on the 2nd, to go when she went.

When you wrote of your partner calling and thinking if you could just see his face once more, I felt that. I wish I could have one last kiss on the forehead and die in the arms of someone I love.

 

[NancyVicious]

When you wrote of your partner calling and thinking if you could just see his face once more, I felt that. I wish I could have one last kiss on the forehead and die in the arms of someone I love.

Exactly that. A quick moment of not being alone before everything is gone.

I hear what you say about birthdays and holidays. My brother died at Christmas and it was never the same after. I wouldn't want to do that to those I leave behind. I can understand why you are choosing your mum's anniversary, it seems poignant.

I suppose I admire those of you that have a proper plan. My previous attempts have been in desperation, no forethought. More of a can't make it through another hour kind of moment.

 

[reallysleepy]

For me the best time would be around my own birthday, that way my loved ones would be triggered only around that time. If I ctb now then they would mourn me harder around my birthday and around this time of the year.