Venting debilitating anxiety

[twistedtransistor69]

I feel like my anxiety has ruined my life. I'm literally scared of anything that has to do with people to the point where I've lost all my friends and I almost never leave the house. The only people I talk to are my small handful of online friends, my mom, and the cashier at the convenience store haha.

I see people my age performing basic adult tasks and to me it's like everyone around me is magically flying to the fucking moon or something and I'm left behind the only idiot that can't figure out how to do it. How do you even speak to another person without freaking out and wanting to turn around and scream and throw up? Even just walking down the sidewalk I always feel like I'm being watched and judged like I'm doing something wrong by just existing. I feel like I just can't do anything right and I fuck up everything. I don't trust myself to do anything now.

I'm so terrified of doing anything at all that I've built this safety bubble that I'm slowly rotting away in. I'm alone but it's so warm and comfortable and safe and I just can't bring myself to step out of it. Why try doing anything anyway? It's not like there's a point to doing anything when I have zero plans to work for a good life. It's just so hard and I'm so tired and it's easier to do nothing and die. Everything makes me scared and I don't want to feel scared anymore.

Sorry for the rambley nature of this rant, my brain feels like apple sauce lately. (I also dropped out of highschool years ago and I'm not very good at organizing words lol)

 

[maniac116]

Can't you get medication & maybe a therapist to help you? I did & once I got on the right meds I'm better. I hope you're able to find peace

 

[Redarshia]

This was somewhat relatable for me even though I don't really know the extent of what you're going through. The thing is I feel like you give people wayyyy too much credit. Not everything is as effortless as people make it out to be and some stuff actually is easier than it looks like. Everyone had to start somewhere but not everyone had to deal with the same challenges. It's natural to unintentionally alienate yourself in times like this.
I guess a good way to go about it is not to exit your bubble but to expand it instead. Slowly try to familiarize yourself with more and more when you feel ready and make yourself comfortable. Don't antagonize or blame yourself for something that is normal and out of your control. You don't deserve to be mean to yourself even if it feels like it. If venting seems to help, feel free.

 

[over2025]

I feel like my anxiety has ruined my life. I'm literally scared of anything that has to do with people to the point where I've lost all my friends and I almost never leave the house. The only people I talk to are my small handful of online friends, my mom, and the cashier at the convenience store haha.

I see people my age performing basic adult tasks and to me it's like everyone around me is magically flying to the fucking moon or something and I'm left behind the only idiot that can't figure out how to do it. How do you even speak to another person without freaking out and wanting to turn around and scream and throw up? Even just walking down the sidewalk I always feel like I'm being watched and judged like I'm doing something wrong by just existing. I feel like I just can't do anything right and I fuck up everything. I don't trust myself to do anything now.

I'm so terrified of doing anything at all that I've built this safety bubble that I'm slowly rotting away in. I'm alone but it's so warm and comfortable and safe and I just can't bring myself to step out of it. Why try doing anything anyway? It's not like there's a point to doing anything when I have zero plans to work for a good life. It's just so hard and I'm so tired and it's easier to do nothing and die. Everything makes me scared and I don't want to feel scared anymore.

Sorry for the rambley nature of this rant, my brain feels like apple sauce lately. (I also dropped out of highschool years ago and I'm not very good at organizing words lol)

How old are you? I was very much like you. This is one of those things that is guaranteed to get better over time.

 

[oneeyed]

I think I know how you feel. I've also isolated myself to a select few.

For those unsure what this level of anxiety feels or how some people feel...When I get anxious (basically all the time), it feels like my gut is on a trampoline or something. It's the strangest feeling, you almost feel like vomiting but it never ends up that way. Your chest feels like there's a bunch of weights on it, dragging you to your knees. Sometimes I just stop what I'm doing, as if someone clicked on pause on a remote pointed at me. Just staring into space with so many thoughts in my head, I can't separate them. I get the first couple of symptoms often at work. Now before someone says, everyone gets that! But most people don't feel this way nearly every day.

Other than sedatives, which won't help with being proactive at life, there's anxiety meds which vary widely in effectiveness from person to person. There's mindfulness which in theory would help alot but someone in the above mentioned headspace, basically needs to forced to do this and probably with a guide to keep us on track. I wish you luck, I know it's hell.

 

[KillingPain267]

I have the same. Social anxiety. When someone walks by me a million thoughts pass in my head and I don't know where my eyes should go, so I look down. But I feel ashamed afterwards. I literally can't work because it's just too uncomfortable to face people. They always judge me as too quiet. I tried various medications but they failed. Even alcohol doesn't make me more talkative, it just eases the shame a little bit in the moment. But my brain is so used to social anxiety that it's hardwired to not be talkative with strangers and even long-known acquiantances no matter what meds or drugs I use. I don't see a way out of it. It's just too painful to just "push myself out there" like everyone advises. I've been like this since age 14.

 

[ocdsucks]

This sounds so hard. Anxiety and overthinking are so awful to deal with.

 

[twistedtransistor69]

Can't you get medication & maybe a therapist to help you? I did & once I got on the right meds I'm better. I hope you're able to find peace

I'm so happy to hear it helped you! I've been on and off therapy and medication for about 5 years now for anxiety and depression and I honestly don't think it works that well for me? A major problem I have is a lack of motivation to get better. At the end ofbthe day you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

 

[Ligottian]

I'm in anxiety hell, too. Medication only takes the worst edges off for a time.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I am going through a cycle of anxiety now. It's this overwhelming sense of doom and it feels so awful. The anxiety is due to a life stressor, and it's been made worse by an SSRI I was put on two weeks ago. Apparently, worsening anxiety is an initial symptom. Has anyone else had this?