I'm less in the pit of despair now, but I still want to die.
I gave myself until April 25th to see if things will get better. I've been trying everything and I am actually getting better, at least a little bit. But I still want to die. It all seems so exhausting and awful.
Do I push the date, or just give in? I went to the top of seven stories the other day. I looked down. I decided to wait. I didn't want my roommate to be stuck with the lease. I didn't want people to find my overly honest journals. I didn't want to scar my ex so close to our breakup, even though he dumped me because I was suicidal. I decided to try treatment and wait. The roof would still be there tomorrow.
I have to actually decide at some point, I think. I am getting better too slowly because I still want to die and had decided to. I don't want to get better and am fighting it. I'm still in a lot of deep emotional pain. I still feel like living isn't necessarily for me anymore.
I'm out of work for PTSD. So many people that I know are dead now. My government is doing evil things. My partner of 8 years left me when I begged him to fucking care that I wanted to die. I can't afford my own rent now and am just eating fucking peanut butter as a meal so I can make as much of my bill as I can. On April 26, it will be one month since I was dumped and one year since my partner violated my consent. I stuck with him through so much shit and he dumped me when I needed him.
I'm really struggling. Everything hurts. I don't want to get better. Is anyone else feeling like this?
I gave myself until April 25th to see if things will get better. I've been trying everything and I am actually getting better, at least a little bit. But I still want to die. It all seems so exhausting and awful.
Do I push the date, or just give in? I went to the top of seven stories the other day. I looked down. I decided to wait. I didn't want my roommate to be stuck with the lease. I didn't want people to find my overly honest journals. I didn't want to scar my ex so close to our breakup, even though he dumped me because I was suicidal. I decided to try treatment and wait. The roof would still be there tomorrow.
I have to actually decide at some point, I think. I am getting better too slowly because I still want to die and had decided to. I don't want to get better and am fighting it. I'm still in a lot of deep emotional pain. I still feel like living isn't necessarily for me anymore.
I'm out of work for PTSD. So many people that I know are dead now. My government is doing evil things. My partner of 8 years left me when I begged him to fucking care that I wanted to die. I can't afford my own rent now and am just eating fucking peanut butter as a meal so I can make as much of my bill as I can. On April 26, it will be one month since I was dumped and one year since my partner violated my consent. I stuck with him through so much shit and he dumped me when I needed him.
I'm really struggling. Everything hurts. I don't want to get better. Is anyone else feeling like this?
