Death is the only solution.

[WAITING TO DIE]

This so-called life is nothing but constant problems and many of these problems are unsolvable.
I have a few distractions here and there to try and ease the monotony, yet the unbearable pain of existence is always there, lurking beneath the surface.
It never goes away.
I actually feel joyful sometimes knowing that I will soon be freed from this unbearable existence by death.
It is the one and only thing that genuinely makes me feel happy.

 

[puella]

I am so sorry for all the pain you have felt; I wish I were able to take it away.

And I understand you. I'm terrified of there being an unsolvable obstacle between me and the possibility of having a pleasant existence.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I am so sorry for all the pain you have felt; I wish I were able to take it away.

And I understand you. I'm terrified of there being an unsolvable obstacle between me and the possibility of having a pleasant existence.

Thank you for saying such a beautiful thing.
It means a lot to me.
I'm not used to such kindness.
I hope nothing stands in your way of finding happiness in this dreadful world.

 

[dragonofenvy]

This so-called life is nothing but constant problems and many of these problems are unsolvable.
I have a few little comforts here and there to distract myself, yet the unbearable pain of existence is always there, lurking beneath the surface.
It never goes away.
I actually feel joyful sometimes knowing that I will soon be freed from this unbearable existence by death.
It is the one and only thing that genuinely makes me feel happy.

I've felt the same way for the past 15 years. I would comfort myself when trying to sleep with the thought that eventually I would be free no matter how long I had to suffer, whether by my own hand or nature's. It is a truly painful burden you have to shoulder, but know you are not the only one who does. You are not alone. There are others like you. It may feel as though you have to climb an insurmountable mountain, but I hope you can take comfort in knowing that others can see your struggle, and are proud of your perseverance.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've felt the same way for the past 15 years. I would comfort myself when trying to sleep with the thought that eventually I would be free no matter how long I had to suffer, whether by my own hand or nature's. It is a truly painful burden you have to shoulder, but know you are not the only one who does. You are not alone. There are others like you. It may feel as though you have to climb an insurmountable mountain, but I hope you can take comfort in knowing that others can see your struggle, and are proud of your perseverance.

Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me.
I'm a long-term sufferer too, clinically depressed since age 7 because of abuse.
It takes enormous strength to survive 15 years like you have.
I doubt the so-called " normal " people have any comprehension of how much you have struggled.
And yes, it's comforting to know there are others like me.
It makes this dreadful existence a little more bearable.

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

I feel like "normal" people don't feel happier than us, they just for some reason able to be sustained by the little glimmers of comfort to get through the rest of the drudgery. I'm not like that, I do have happy moments but they are few and far between. They feel like less and less the older I get. I feel like so much about the world would have to change to make me feel truly happy

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see death as the only relief, it just comforts me so much the thought of finally being unable to suffer for all eternity, to die is something relieving as then existence won't be my problem anymore. In my case wanting to die is all that feels rational and appealing, I see no value in this meaningless and unnecessary existence that just causes harm and was a mistake in the first place.