NSFW Death by Hookup

[lomorbu]

I've been thinking about it since I don't have the resources and patience for elaborate protocols. There are so many snuff fetishes out there and I'm a conventionally attractive woman with nothing to live for. Maybe it would be easier to put that in someone else's hands. They don't have to be considerably attractive. I'm apathetic to being on video

Not sure if this counts as suicide (maybe an assisted one?) but it seems reasonable. I wouldn't have to spend any money and I definitely wouldn't survive. It would probably be a really gross and agonizing experience but it absolves me of any guilt of traumatizing my family because they'll never know what really happened to me. It wouldn't feel too foreign to the traumas I've experienced living

 

[Little_Suzy]

Please avoid predators who are sexually sadistic. You will not be treated like a princess; instead, you will be subjected to horrific torture before being killed. If you survive such an ideal, you must decide whether to face the horrific memories head-on or to take matters into your own hands. Please do not put yourself in this situation.

David Parker Ray - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

David Parker Ray's Audio Tape Transcript

David Parker Ray's audio tape transcript recorded on July 23, 1993

thinkingaboutphilosophy.blogspot.com

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Please avoid predators who are sexually sadistic. You will not be treated like a princess; instead, you will be subjected to horrific torture before being killed. If you survive such an ideal, you must decide whether to face the horrific memories head-on or to take matters into your own hands. Please do not put yourself in this situation.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure they aware of that and want that.

It would probably be a really gross and agonizing experience but it absolves me of any guilt of traumatizing my family because they'll never know what really happened to me. It wouldn't feel too foreign to the traumas I've experienced living

Still, I feel like this is a pretty horrible way to die. I'm assuming that your family cares for you based on the whole comment about your guilt in regards to traumatizing them and this could potentially risk you traumatizing them further. Punishing yourself isn't going to do anything besides cause you further pain. You'll likely always feel guilty no matter how much you try to punish yourself, so I'd say it's better to opt for anything other than doing horrible and exploitative stuff.

 

[psp3000]

Please avoid predators who are sexually sadistic. You will not be treated like a princess; instead, you will be subjected to horrific torture before being killed. If you survive such an ideal, you must decide whether to face the horrific memories head-on or to take matters into your own hands. Please do not put yourself in this situation.

David Parker Ray - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

David Parker Ray's Audio Tape Transcript

David Parker Ray's audio tape transcript recorded on July 23, 1993

thinkingaboutphilosophy.blogspot.com

was thinking/going to say the exact same thing and was reminded of this case along with the Abigail Hernandez case and Mr.Cruel

 

[Artemisia]

You have issues, and they are severe. There are many people here wanting to off themselves for all sorts of reasons, some more valid than others, but that doesn't seem to be your case. You most probably have very complex issues that lead you to fantasize about this horrible end. Emphasis on horrible!
If you wanted to ctb because you have nothing to live for, you know what they say... Where there's a will there's a way. There are relatively cheap, accessible ways to do it, like jumping or drowning, and even if they may cause distress, it's nothing compared to what you're asking for!
And do you really think your family would be less distraught knowing that you had been tortured for who knows how long than knowing you had committed suicide but it was a relatively quick death? If they would, that would explain a lot about why you're looking for something like this.
This is the first time on this site than I can't honestly say that I hope you find what you're looking for. You'd most likely benefit from a huge dose of self search, in which way you prefer and works, to understand what your core problem is.

PS - I'm fully aware that I come off as preachy. Well, we all have our limits, I can empathize with many things, but there are a few hard limits, women with an extreme desire for victimization is one of them. I do not believe in any way this comes from any sort of reasonable place, it's an expression of severe mental issues. Also, it impacts all of us women negatively, by unfortunately contributing to the statistics of women as victims, especially as victims of these horrible types of crime.
Think of me what you will.

 

[persimmon]

I've been thinking about it since I don't have the resources and patience for elaborate protocols. There are so many snuff fetishes out there and I'm a conventionally attractive woman with nothing to live for. Maybe it would be easier to put that in someone else's hands. They don't have to be considerably attractive. I'm apathetic to being on video

Not sure if this counts as suicide (maybe an assisted one?) but it seems reasonable. I wouldn't have to spend any money and I definitely wouldn't survive. It would probably be a really gross and agonizing experience but it absolves me of any guilt of traumatizing my family because they'll never know what really happened to me. It wouldn't feel too foreign to the traumas I've experienced living

Yeah, as long as they dodge the Netflix 10-parter on the case I think they'll be fine.

 

[snowbird]

See, but this is exactly what I'm afraid of ^^;
I would love to find someone who would do it for me, or just be there with me and make sure I succeed, so there is zero chance of me surviving and then be a vegetable etc.
But my fear of meeting some sicko on the darknet and ending up in a snuff film, suffering for hours and being in agonizing pain until it's over or even worse - never ending r*pe and torture for the pleasure of random strangers - that is something I couldn't bare. Even less than living my current life.

You are very brave if you think you could go through with such a scenario. I would not.
I mean, suffering for a few minutes (poison, strangling, etc) I can do. But not like this :(

 

[lomorbu]

You will not be treated like a princess

Never expected to

Punishing yourself isn't going to do anything besides cause you further pain.

You are very brave if you think you could go through with such a scenario. I would not.
I mean, suffering for a few minutes (poison, strangling, etc) I can do. But not like this :(

These are good counter points actually. I might be indulging in some kind of self punishment with this idea and I have been thinking about the fact that I am at the whim of another's fantasies even if we agree on a specific scenario

You have issues, and they are severe. There are many people here wanting to off themselves for all sorts of reasons, some more valid than others, but that doesn't seem to be your case. You most probably have very complex issues that lead you to fantasize about this horrible end. Emphasis on horrible!
If you wanted to ctb because you have nothing to live for, you know what they say... Where there's a will there's a way. There are relatively cheap, accessible ways to do it, like jumping or drowning, and even if they may cause distress, it's nothing compared to what you're asking for!

PS - I'm fully aware that I come off as preachy. Well, we all have our limits, I can empathize with many things, but there are a few hard limits, women with an extreme desire for victimization is one of them. I do not believe in any way this comes from any sort of reasonable place, it's an expression of severe mental issues. Also, it impacts all of us women negatively, by unfortunately contributing to the statistics of women as victims, especially as victims of these horrible types of crime.
Think of me what you will.

You're assuming a lot about my life in this response. I may not share a lot about my background specifically here, but I'm a lot closer to those victims in these scenarios than you probably think. This is a twisted idea, and I'm well aware of that. It's not far from a fantasy though in my living situation it is extremely pratical for me. If you can't accept the darkness victims often grapple with then maybe you should stop policing how they express it or assume everyone's lives are far away from these nightmare scenarios. "It impacts all of us women negatively" it also impacts all of us negatively when we are assumed to not be the women that have suffered in these ways. I will not elaborate on my life, but I'm not here to wave you off on your high horse

 

[Artemisia]

Never expected to


These are good counter points actually. I might be indulging in some kind of self punishment with this idea and I have been thinking about the fact that I am at the whim of another's fantasies even if we agree on a specific scenario



You're assuming a lot about my life in this response. I may not share a lot about my background specifically here, but I'm a lot closer to those victims in these scenarios than you probably think. This is a twisted idea, and I'm well aware of that. It's not far from a fantasy though in my living situation it is extremely pratical for me. If you can't accept the darkness victims often grapple with then maybe you should stop policing how they express it or assume everyone's lives are far away from these nightmare scenarios. "It impacts all of us women negatively" it also impacts all of us negatively when we are assumed to not be the women that have suffered in these ways. I will not elaborate on my life, but I'm not here to wave you off on your high horse

I am assuming and you are confirming. I've been around this thing called life for quite some time and understanding people has always been my thing. I don't know the details but what you said shows I wasn't far off. Whatever abuse you suffered or witnessed or are suffering, it's no reason for you to want to put yourself through the most extreme of abuses, that is being tortured and killed.
I will only repeat that your problem is not that you truly want to ctb, but that you're looking for a way to deal with your darkness and whatever caused it.
Nothing I can say or do will have much impact on your decision, so it's of course up to you to consider what my suggestion or not.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I am assuming and you are confirming. I've been around this thing called life for quite some time and understanding people has always been my thing. I don't know the details but what you said shows I wasn't far off. Whatever abuse you suffered or witnessed or are suffering, it's no reason for you to want to put yourself through the most extreme of abuses, that is being tortured and killed.
I will only repeat that your problem is not that you truly want to ctb, but that you're looking for a way to deal with your darkness and whatever caused it.
Nothing I can say or do will have much impact on your decision, so it's of course up to you to consider what my suggestion or not.

Not to be rude, but this post reads as condescending. If they (rightfully) don't take pleasure in you assuming things about them then how about you don't double down on it? Being older doesn't give you magical insight into others, all it means is that you have been alive for a long time.

 

[Abyssal]

I'd give my thoughts but honestly if you really wanna what's stopping you. I wanna say it's cruel to force someone else into your ideal situation but a doubt you give a shit at this point. That said you aren't gonna enjoy it, probably will really suck. Really think this one through.

 

[BardBarrie]

I've been thinking about it since I don't have the resources and patience for elaborate protocols. There are so many snuff fetishes out there and I'm a conventionally attractive woman with nothing to live for. Maybe it would be easier to put that in someone else's hands. They don't have to be considerably attractive. I'm apathetic to being on video

Not sure if this counts as suicide (maybe an assisted one?) but it seems reasonable. I wouldn't have to spend any money and I definitely wouldn't survive. It would probably be a really gross and agonizing experience but it absolves me of any guilt of traumatizing my family because they'll never know what really happened to me. It wouldn't feel too foreign to the traumas I've experienced living

This is a terrible idea.

 

[lomorbu]

I will only repeat that your problem is not that you truly want to ctb, but that you're looking for a way to deal with your darkness and whatever caused it.
Nothing I can say or do will have much impact on your decision, so it's of course up to you to consider what my suggestion or not.

I'll consider it. It doesn't change how I feel about your assumptions though. I'm not keeping the details to myself because the issue is a lot bigger and complicated than myself. It's frustrating to be put in that position, as an ongoing victim, that seems to be a constant experience. I know I must come off very immature and you're right about me being fucked up. But my life is not absent of genuine problems, I am stuck in this exploitation and it is too easy to find someone to surrender to in the midst of it. If I could delete every video of me, and unsee the world like that, I would

 

[Artemisia]

Not to be rude, but this post reads as condescending. If they (rightfully) don't take pleasure in you assuming things about them then how about you don't double down on it? Being older doesn't give you magical insight into others, all it means is that you have been alive for a long time.

I am aware of it and don't intend to insist. But I will be clear that I'm not here to push people into offing themselves, especially in horrible ways. Most people here are young and with issues that seem insurmountable at those ages, but that usually sort themselves out if they decide to stick around and try some more living. I'm pretty sure OP is dealing with something much darker than that. I may be wrong of course. If possible, I'd rather see most of you sort out your issues and find some joy in life before it inevitably ends. Especially before it ends in such a horrible way.

I'll consider it. It doesn't change how I feel about your assumptions though. I'm not keeping the details to myself because the issue is a lot bigger and complicated than myself. It's frustrating to be put in that position, as an ongoing victim, that seems to be a constant experience. I know I must come off very immature and you're right about me being fucked up. But my life is not absent of genuine problems, I am stuck in this exploitation and it is too easy to find someone to surrender to in the midst of it. If I could delete every video of me, and unsee the world like that, I would

You do not come off to me as immature, quite the opposite. As I replied above, I sense that your darkness is of a much darker shade than that of most here. That's why I suggested looking deep within yourself and truly decide if you really want to ctb in such a horrible way and why.

 

[lomorbu]

You do not come off to me as immature, quite the opposite. As I replied above, I sense that your darkness is of a much darker shade than that of most here. That's why I suggested looking deep within yourself and truly decide if you really want to ctb in such a horrible way and why.

I understand now. I will sit with this

 

[Serblood]

I've been thinking about it since I don't have the resources and patience for elaborate protocols. There are so many snuff fetishes out there and I'm a conventionally attractive woman with nothing to live for. Maybe it would be easier to put that in someone else's hands. They don't have to be considerably attractive. I'm apathetic to being on video

Not sure if this counts as suicide (maybe an assisted one?) but it seems reasonable. I wouldn't have to spend any money and I definitely wouldn't survive. It would probably be a really gross and agonizing experience but it absolves me of any guilt of traumatizing my family because they'll never know what really happened to me. It wouldn't feel too foreign to the traumas I've experienced living

Why you wanna do this? There are many peaceful options.

 

[lomorbu]

Why you wanna do this? There are many peaceful options.

My finances aren't in my control and there are a lot of predatory men in my life

 

[JustA_LittlePerson]

I've been thinking about it since I don't have the resources and patience for elaborate protocols. There are so many snuff fetishes out there and I'm a conventionally attractive woman with nothing to live for. Maybe it would be easier to put that in someone else's hands. They don't have to be considerably attractive. I'm apathetic to being on video

Not sure if this counts as suicide (maybe an assisted one?) but it seems reasonable. I wouldn't have to spend any money and I definitely wouldn't survive. It would probably be a really gross and agonizing experience but it absolves me of any guilt of traumatizing my family because they'll never know what really happened to me. It wouldn't feel too foreign to the traumas I've experienced living

Wouldn't think giving these sort of people what they want is a good idea, even if your point is to punish yourself.

 

[cujoh]

how do you intend to find someone willing to partake in this?

 

[lamargue]

Wouldn't think giving these sort of people what they want is a good idea, even if your point is to punish yourself.

^
it may encourage them to continue on to other people

 

[derpyderpins]

I've been thinking about it since I don't have the resources and patience for elaborate protocols. There are so many snuff fetishes out there and I'm a conventionally attractive woman with nothing to live for. Maybe it would be easier to put that in someone else's hands. They don't have to be considerably attractive. I'm apathetic to being on video

Not sure if this counts as suicide (maybe an assisted one?) but it seems reasonable. I wouldn't have to spend any money and I definitely wouldn't survive. It would probably be a really gross and agonizing experience but it absolves me of any guilt of traumatizing my family because they'll never know what really happened to me. It wouldn't feel too foreign to the traumas I've experienced living

I started to say "well if you'd do it for me first" but then realized that won't work.

Honestly, I joke about it but today I think I'd absolutely say yes to a sadistic woman killing me.

That said, these aren't good thoughts and we should pursue other methods.

 

[maneose]

never expected someone else on here to have the similar thinking to me lol, it's seems like getting murdered would be such a cathartic experience but the chances of it actually happening are pretty slim. i tend to put myself in dumb situations anyways just for the chance of it happening, but cause of the small percentage rate i'll probably go by traditional suicide.

 

[dolemitedrums]

Watch a movie like Hostel or Martyrs and ask yourself if you really want to experience that...and also if you want it to be on video that could potentially somehow make its way to the people who care about you.

You don't deserve an infinitely worse death than what society gives serial killers.

Plus this sounds incredibly difficult to arrange. Why not just try to get a regular hitman to shoot you or something...that's already next to impossible to achieve anyway. You'll probably hire ten undercover cops before you ever come within a hundred yards of a real hitman.

 

[rozeske]

I can't imagine the level of truma you went through to want this type of exit. I hope you find a way to peace from your sufferings some other way.

 

[Linda]

I've been thinking about it since I don't have the resources and patience for elaborate protocols. There are so many snuff fetishes out there and I'm a conventionally attractive woman with nothing to live for. Maybe it would be easier to put that in someone else's hands. They don't have to be considerably attractive. I'm apathetic to being on video

Not sure if this counts as suicide (maybe an assisted one?) but it seems reasonable. I wouldn't have to spend any money and I definitely wouldn't survive. It would probably be a really gross and agonizing experience but it absolves me of any guilt of traumatizing my family because they'll never know what really happened to me. It wouldn't feel too foreign to the traumas I've experienced living

I don't think it's a good idea. If you do choose to ctb, it would be better to use a method where you retain control (not least in case you change your mind).

 

[etherealspring]

ive thought of doing this myself. the thought of doing it myself is overwhelming, and i know no matter how much i want to die, i know im more likely to chicken out than actually go through with it.

the idea of my death being in someone else's hands is comforting.

but i also understand that this method isn't reliable and if i still end up alive, then it would be pointless.

im gonna consider other methods before i resort to this

 

[Worndown]

A pretty aggressive method. So much can go horribly wrong!

 

[Lilythefenfen]

You don't want this.

There is no guarantee they'll kill you. The experience is worse than you can ever imagine.

Just reading this thread is flaring up my CPTSD and causing me to feel extremely ill to my stomach recounting my own experiences.

I hope you reconsider this method and find a method that is a lot more quick and painless.

It's not worth the risk for this method, and it certainly isn't what you want if they decide to keep you instead of killing you…

 

[Serblood]

My finances aren't in my control and there are a lot of predatory men in my life

I would try my chance to escape. or ask help if you live in first world country.

 

[Superdeterminist]

You probably wouldn't be killed and you would probably contract one or more incurable stds which wouldn't kill you, but make you suffer a lot.