Death by alcohol and freezing

[Codependent loner]

So my sons father died on a December night it was around 10 degrees Fahrenheit. He messaged me and said he had just found a home for his bird…he loved this bird it was his mothers who passed. I knew this was for lack of a better term a red flag. So I asked why he would do that. He said "now I'm free". I tried to message him back but he put this phone on the table and walked two blocks to the bar. (He got $100 from the bird cage he sold to the people who took the bird.) he drank till his money was gone and then walked outside and sat down in the cold until his death. Now some say it was an accident, but I knew him.
The reason I share this story is it seemed so peaceful, and I feel like this could be an option for me. I love the cold I'm not a drinker but could definitely drink enough to make me pass out till I froze to death, it gets cold enough to make it work. There is just one thing making me hesitant, our son. He is a young adult, but he already feels his fathers death was " his fault ". As much as my pain of living consumes me, knowing the damage to my son I could inflict is stronger. No matter how I go will hurt him, but to have both parents choose to go, and in the same way could damage him for his whole life.

So do I live for him or die for me? Edit: I'm not actually asking if you think I should die, I guess I'm asking do I put my pain first or my sons…I'm wondering as a child would you want your parents to suffer or end the pain.

 

[StreetSweeper]

Im sorry for your loss and your pain.

Im not going to tell you if you should live of die, but as somebody whos been homeless in Canada, its not as peaceful as one would think. I wouldnt even bring it up to respect your feelings, but you mentioned the potential peacefullness makes it a tempting option for you. There is nothing peaceful about freezing. its VERY hard to get drunk enough to just sleep through the cold and not wake up while you die. i know this first hand. The pain of freezing yourself is intense, and if you dont succeed, youll get severe frostbites and have to cut off fingers, toes, maybe more.The delirious state of hypotherima that makes you feel warm and take your clothes off comes after a long and painful struggle. The cold kills plenty of people every season, even those trying to avoid it, so im not going to pretend its not a viable option..but the risks of failure is extremly high, and the concequences for failing is even higher. Trust me, if getting drunk and laying down in the snow till im dead was easy, id be long gone. Shit ive done that on accident plenty of times and the cold always makes it a quick nap.

 

[makethepainstop]

So my sons father died on a December night it was around 10 degrees Fahrenheit. He messaged me and said he had just found a home for his bird…he loved this bird it was his mothers who passed. I knew this was for lack of a better term a red flag. So I asked why he would do that. He said "now I'm free". I tried to message him back but he put this phone on the table and walked two blocks to the bar. (He got $100 from the bird cage he sold to the people who took the bird.) he drank till his money was gone and then walked outside and sat down in the cold until his death. Now some say it was an accident, but I knew him.
The reason I share this story is it seemed so peaceful, and I feel like this could be an option for me. I love the cold I'm not a drinker but could definitely drink enough to make me pass out till I froze to death, it gets cold enough to make it work. There is just one thing making me hesitant, our son. He is a young adult, but he already feels his fathers death was " his fault ". As much as my pain of living consumes me, knowing the damage to my son I could inflict is stronger. No matter how I go will hurt him, but to have both parents choose to go, and in the same way could damage him for his whole life.

So do I live for him or die for me?

Any suicide that can be interpreted as death by misadventure, is preferable to an obvious suicide, such a using a firearm. If a final exit can be made less painful for all involved, so much the better. Much love to you.

 

[Codependent loner]

Im sorry for your loss and your pain.

Im not going to tell you if you should live of die, but as somebody whos been homeless in Canada, its not as peaceful as one would think. I wouldnt even bring it up to respect your feelings, but you mentioned the potential peacefullness makes it a tempting option for you. There is nothing peaceful about freezing. its VERY hard to get drunk enough to just sleep through the cold and not wake up while you die. i know this first hand. The pain of freezing yourself is intense, and if you dont succeed, youll get severe frostbites and have to cut off fingers, toes, maybe more.The delirious state of hypotherima that makes you feel warm and take your clothes off comes after a long and painful struggle. The cold kills plenty of people every season, even those trying to avoid it, so im not going to pretend its not a viable option..but the risks of failure is extremly high, and the concequences for failing is even higher. Trust me, if getting drunk and laying down in the snow till im dead was easy, id be long gone. Shit ive done that on accident plenty of times and the cold always makes it a quick nap.

Thank you so much for your insight.

 

[R. A.]

Sounds like a tough spot to be in. I don't wan't to make this seem like a "holier than thou" take, but please do take into consideration that you brought that child into the world. Yes things change, obviously you aren't the exact same person as you were when this occurred and obviously society does not teach anyone to consider the ramifications of creating sentient life, but if you do believe your exit would seriously damage him then seriously think about that. That you will be inflicting possibly unspeakable pain on a being you brought into existence.

I would never say this kind of thing to someone regarding other people in their lives generally, but I honestly think one seriously has to consider children they created. Unless of course it was an adoption.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only you can decide what you should do as after all, it's your life and only you are the one who is experiencing it. But it does sound like a difficult situation to be in, and it must be hard to deal with. I understand that it's tiring having to carry on existing when you suffer so much. To me freezing to death does sound like a horrible way to go but I wish you the best.

 

[Codependent loner]

Sounds like a tough spot to be in. I don't wan't to make this seem like a "holier than thou" take, but please do take into consideration that you brought that child into the world. Yes things change, obviously you aren't the exact same person as you were when this occurred and obviously society does not teach anyone to consider the ramifications of creating sentient life, but if you do believe your exit would seriously damage him then seriously think about that. That you will be inflicting possibly unspeakable pain on a being you brought into existence.

I would never say this kind of thing to someone regarding other people in their lives generally, but I honestly think one seriously has to consider children they created. Unless of course it was an adoption.

I wrote 10 responses, but then questioned every one of them…you gave me more to think about. I can say I gave birth to him, and I love him. I'm still agonizing over the pain I could/would cause.

 

[flightless bird]

You should live for him, you brought him into this world. My mom attempted suicide more than once, I LIVED IN HELL for years. Please don't hurt him, I'm begging you.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

You live for him. My mum is my world. I wouldn't survive if anything happened to her.