D
Dookieshoes
Member
- Aug 15, 2020
- 64
Just posted about my buddy I lost recently, hoping that someone could point me toward an answer, and I'm just not finding anything.
This is weird. I've heard about people that I've crossed paths with that have taken their own lives. Until recently, I've not lost any of my closest friends, much less to suicide. It sucks. I feel so weird. In the morning I'm reminded that they're no longer in the same world, and it just hurts. I walk through the house and I'm remi ded of the time we spent in this room, or that room knowing that they'll never be there again. We shared so many laughs, and so many deep conversations in the back yard over drinks, staring at the sky.
Later in the day my grief succombs to anger. How could they? Why didn't they leave anything behind to explain, or to just say goodbye? Didn't I mean enough to warrant SOMETHING?
At the end of the day it turns to guilt. Why didn't I call them in Monday when they popped into my head? Why didn't I insist we get together the week before? Why didn't I check in more often during quarantine? I knew they were down, I should have done more.
Fuck. It hurts so bad. Tomorrow the cycle will repeat. I won't get answers. I won't hear that laugh. We won't crack wise. Jesus.
So long friend. I really hope you are at peace. I hope you know how much I care, how much I love you.
This is weird. I've heard about people that I've crossed paths with that have taken their own lives. Until recently, I've not lost any of my closest friends, much less to suicide. It sucks. I feel so weird. In the morning I'm reminded that they're no longer in the same world, and it just hurts. I walk through the house and I'm remi ded of the time we spent in this room, or that room knowing that they'll never be there again. We shared so many laughs, and so many deep conversations in the back yard over drinks, staring at the sky.
Later in the day my grief succombs to anger. How could they? Why didn't they leave anything behind to explain, or to just say goodbye? Didn't I mean enough to warrant SOMETHING?
At the end of the day it turns to guilt. Why didn't I call them in Monday when they popped into my head? Why didn't I insist we get together the week before? Why didn't I check in more often during quarantine? I knew they were down, I should have done more.
Fuck. It hurts so bad. Tomorrow the cycle will repeat. I won't get answers. I won't hear that laugh. We won't crack wise. Jesus.
So long friend. I really hope you are at peace. I hope you know how much I care, how much I love you.