Help Dealing with SI

[clockwork_cat]

I hate feeling so weak. It's a huge joke at this point, countless "attempts", I'm not brave, not strong. Does anyone have tips on fighting SI? I get so caught up in death.. until the smallest thing lights hope in me, like even a smell, or looking up at the sky. But this isn't a good thing- I'm sure death is what I want. I'm really tired. I've never felt empty, nor loveless, I love everything and I'm full of hope. Just not for me. Please help :(

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering and keep us trapped here, even if one is fully aware that suicide is the most logical option. But when it comes to the SI I just think that once one has a method that they feel confident in, only the individual knows when the time is right to leave, I believe that many people get desperate and determined which allows them to go through with their plans.

 

[SlowBurn]

It should be noted that we are almost never in our right minds when we're desperate. Any cornered animal will bite, even if what it's biting is itself. The question is, why are we feeling cornered?
I also wouldn't say that survival instinct is just to prolong something, like if you try to burn your hand your nerves will reflexively attempt to avoid it. Most people don't enjoy pain and would go to the ends of the earth to avoid it. Who needs strength or bravery when you can have the freedom of Eternity, which is forever? (that's a long time). You have all eternity to do whatever you want, why not try all this shit life has to throw at you first and get to the stuff that'll come eventually anyway later? Time is the most effective killer, I can promise you that. But it can be a joyful ride if you want it to be, whether the ride is short or long. Life's pretty short as it is.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!

If - by Rudyard Kipling

 

[jotoon]

1-You Should stop talking.
Every feeling like happiness or sadness or.. become weaker when you talking about it.
imagine you are eating an bitter fruit , you feel taste of fruit with more details when you stop talking , if you at the same time that eating fruit , talking about how much it is bad or .. you cant focus on taste of fruit .

2-Everyone are alone . and no one can know another feeling completely . so don't let this forum fool you that you are not alone. You experience your life . You are feel your pain .
you can leave this forum if you have your plan and what you need to ctb.
Isolate your self. it can be helpful .isolating can help you to see daily works as a repetitive cycle.

3-Most of part of your pains come from your beliefs . our experiences and observations and life events made us a belief .
you can still have a life like others IF YOU ACCEPT YOUR BELIEFS IS WRONG AND FIGHT WITH YOUR BELIEFS . But the main problem is that fighting with yourself and trying so hard to remain in life , have worth it?
everyone can be an athlete but is it worth for everyone that try so so hard and use so much time and effort to achieve that goal?
everyone with different amount of effort can be an actor . a football player and ... but people choose different things bast on their priorities.

4-You should accept that when you ctb you loose both mixture of good and bad things . you not gonna be happy like you are going to holiday or vacation .

5-Stop saying "i can't" . you just need one time to do it . if you were suicidal for long time probably you gonna do it .

6-If you have so much low energy to do ctb , you can play a song with normal tempo . it help you to have a little energy while you still want to ctb .

 

[clockwork_cat]

1-You Should stop talking.
Every feeling like happiness or sadness or.. become weaker when you talking about it.
imagine you are eating an bitter fruit , you feel taste of fruit with more details when you stop talking , if you at the same time that eating fruit , talking about how much it is bad or .. you cant focus on taste of fruit .

2-Everyone are alone . and no one can know another feeling completely . so don't let this forum fool you that you are not alone. You experience your life . You are feel your pain .
you can leave this forum if you have your plan and what you need to ctb.
Isolate your self. it can be helpful .isolating can help you to see daily works as a repetitive cycle.

3-Most of part of your pains come from your beliefs . our experiences and observations and life events made us a belief .
you can still have a life like others IF YOU ACCEPT YOUR BELIEFS IS WRONG AND FIGHT WITH YOUR BELIEFS . But the main problem is that fighting with yourself and trying so hard to remain in life , have worth it?
everyone can be an athlete but is it worth for everyone that try so so hard and use so much time and effort to achieve that goal?
everyone with different amount of effort can be an actor . a football player and ... but people choose different things bast on their priorities.

4-You should accept that when you ctb you loose both mixture of good and bad things . you not gonna be happy like you are going to holiday or vacation .

5-Stop saying "i can't" . you just need one time to do it . if you were suicidal for long time probably you gonna do it .

6-If you have so much low energy to do ctb , you can play a song with normal tempo . it help you to have a little energy while you still want to ctb .

Thank you. I'm such a baby sometimes. I know where my path lies. This helped me.

It's true that the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering and keep us trapped here, even if one is fully aware that suicide is the most logical option. But when it comes to the SI I just think that once one has a method that they feel confident in, only the individual knows when the time is right to leave, I believe that many people get desperate and determined which allows them to go through with their plans.

My method is likely going to be jumping, train death. I came close to it in January, but on the way to my location, I was stupid and said goodbye to someone.. I was tracked down and the police were notified, they showed up at the station.

My attempts ever since have been pretty weak, if anything at all. I've passed out in my bathtub a few times after cutting/drinking/diphenhydramine combo, but I haven't attempted to jump again. I tried different ways of coping, different plans on the future.. different ways to forget someone.. but in the end, I can never fall asleep normally anymore, I see my path so clearly. I need to be strong. I need to do it. I keep prolonging it. Time doesn't heal. Time opens the wound every single night.

Please pray that I'll find the bravery, so I'll be in a better place

It should be noted that we are almost never in our right minds when we're desperate. Any cornered animal will bite, even if what it's biting is itself. The question is, why are we feeling cornered?
I also wouldn't say that survival instinct is just to prolong something, like if you try to burn your hand your nerves will reflexively attempt to avoid it. Most people don't enjoy pain and would go to the ends of the earth to avoid it. Who needs strength or bravery when you can have the freedom of Eternity, which is forever? (that's a long time). You have all eternity to do whatever you want, why not try all this shit life has to throw at you first and get to the stuff that'll come eventually anyway later? Time is the most effective killer, I can promise you that. But it can be a joyful ride if you want it to be, whether the ride is short or long. Life's pretty short as it is.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!

If - by Rudyard Kipling

I enjoy pain. It's what I deserve.

 

[CrappyMJ]

I've had two attempts and music was the thing that helped me push through it. I get pretty emotional when I hear a song so that helped me a lot

Try it for yourself , maybe it works for you

 

[clockwork_cat]

I've had two attempts and music was the thing that helped me push through it. I get pretty emotional when I hear a song so that helped me a lot

Try it for yourself , maybe it works for you

I have a playlist ready for this, I get carried away too…
Something today tells me that it won't be as hard as I thought

 

[kwho]

It is going to sound strange, but i recommend a tv show Severance. It has been the most effective cure for SI for me.

It is without a doubt the best show i have ever seen. I will not describe it, words cannot do it justice, but trust me - watch that show.

I watched all of it today and am still overwhelmed. I'll let it sink in a bit and then i'm good to go.

 

[clockwork_cat]

It is going to sound strange, but i recommend a tv show Severance. It has been the most effective cure for SI for me.

It is without a doubt the best show i have ever seen. I will not describe it, words cannot do it justice, but trust me - watch that show.

I watched all of it today and am still overwhelmed. I'll let it sink in a bit and then i'm good to go.

I'll watch the first episode now and let you know

 

[nightshade00]

I've had two attempts and music was the thing that helped me push through it. I get pretty emotional when I hear a song so that helped me a lot

Try it for yourself , maybe it works for you

That's helpful advice. There are definitely songs that trigger a strong emotional reaction from me.

 

[Rollo]

Confidence and Self-esteem

Those characteristics seem more important to me now than ever before. It’s like they are the foundation of who you are and what you’re able to make of yourself. I mean there are literal confidence men out there, that pull off crazy shit with confidence alone. On the other hand, you can have all...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Here you can read my post on anxiety I made for another user. The post is also about external validation and self-esteem, but if you're interested in anxiety only you can skip like half way. SI is but a kind of anxiety, with the exception that here there's also an element of craving to impress, which needs to be addressed separately (in a great deal it's addressed in the same manner as general external validation).