Futility
Student
- Aug 13, 2019
- 183
So, I know of a whole lot about my boyfriend's abusive stepfather that I wish I didn't. I really need someone's advice on this because for the last few months, it's been getting to me really bad despite having moved away.
If you're easily offended or squeamish, I recommend you leave this thread and don't read beyond this point.
There really isn't anywhere else I can share this, because I'm afraid of being found out and have my life made even more difficult than it already is.
For a while we lived at their place, because I was always home as I can't work, they felt entitled to me being a live-in maid for them. I did have some deals with them, pretty much the bathroom was my area to keep up, but they kept trying to shove everything onto me anyway.
I tried my best to keep up despite my obvious problems, but as they started to deliberately leave messes behind and got progressively more and more lazy, I dug my heels in and refused as I have just a little bit of self respect, my chronic issues won't allow for miracles.
As a result, his mother would start shit, try break us up, tried to twist how my boyfriend viewed me and finally triggered my PTSD deliberately to the point I could easily spend all day frozen in fear under the blanket with both blackouts and flashbacks, she used this to convince everyone I was just lazy on my phone all day, while she would be on her tablet herself and then leave to play freaking pokemon go of all things instead of doing her part, there was never a single time where I had any kind of peace, for a while I started drinking heavily just to handle the stress, as well as a failed attempt at my own life, all because I wouldn't be her bitch and got bullied for it basically.
If this wasn't bad enough, I soon learned his step dad was far worse, but in a different way.
He's got some strange, very angry views, he's actually been stashing guns, a LOT of them, so much ammo that if the house catches on fire, half that neighborhood will probably be shot to pieces, and water of course because he's certain the government needs to be fought at some point, and has made it very clear that people with certain political views or status will be destroyed the moment he has an excuse. He actually brags out loud whenever he unfriends/abandon people that don't really agree with him. He only shows empathy if something is directly affecting him, and I have caught him multiple times actually torturing my dog by agitating and hurting her because he knows she's too timid to fight back, and because of this, she had developed the habit of constantly licking her paws and biting her nails until she was bloody, thankfully this was back to normal as soon as we moved out.
The way he's raised his children isn't very healthy either, his other son is constantly wearing a gun in his holster even if he's only wearing boxer shorts while changing a light bulb, and he too is also very aggressive, but in a more passive and arrogant way where he thinks that anyone who isn't like him, is beneath him, he cheers whenever he watches police brutality and doesn't care if the law is broken as long as it's something he agrees with. His door also has a huge fist shaped dent in it from a fit of rage. He always insists on locking his door while nobody else does, as if he's hiding something, I fear what he's hiding is a fair bit of child porn, but this is only speculation because he has an obsession with sexualized anime in the style where all women look like they're 4-6 years old. All his ideals pretty much correspond with that of a more subtle, covert narcissist in a way. I remember clearly when one family member passed away, his hug that his mother received was so fake that I cringed.
As for my boyfriend, it's very obvious that he's damaged to the point he has some cognitive problems as well as having developed some disorders in order to survive abnormal living conditions including rape, psychological abuse, child molestation and violence, there's a lot he won't tell me that has happened, but I do know that his step dad used to beat the ever living hell out of him with a belt when he was young and he's witnessed some pretty awful things that children should never be exposed to. The sad/good part is, he's probably the least damaged of them all as he's not malicious, but it's very obvious he has some internal anger because of his upbringing, the only difference between him and them, is that he's trying to better himself and he did get some help along the way.
One day when I was fake sleeping under the blanket again, I heard him and his other son talk about using their guns this time. They were planning to actually allow a robbery to take place because there's far too much surveillance to get away with murder these days, they said, he clearly stated that he'd wait for the robber to turn his back to him and then run before he'd pull his weapon out and kill him, instead of using his weapon as a deterrent or actually having to use it in a legitimate confrontation.
It.. didn't sit well with me? There's just something about using one crime to justify another while using it to live out a fantasy that has every alarm go off in my body.
It's not even the only thing I've overheard.
Then, his step father always seemed to have issues with his computer, I started getting suspicious because I've owned the same computer for the last 10 years and it's never had a virus, and what he got was always so extreme he had to have his computer reset and start fresh every single time.
I must have not been home at the time, but he at some point used my boyfriend's computer to log into his own Google account, because his account was open instead, and I saw some pretty weird links in the history that made my stomach turn.
I took a closer look at it, and lo and behold, I saw one picture after another of false and very realistic pictures of murdered women hosted by a website that made it pretty obvious that it was of a sexual nature to those who seek these things out, some of these pictures I'm pretty sure were actually real, as well as the oddball snuff videos, there were so many pictures as well as an incredible obsession with a cast member from the Scorpion series on TV by looking at just how many searches per day were being made, you can probably guess the theme too, he did open a few news articles on and off, but ONLY if they were about murdered women or something that agreed with his extremist views, and finally his favorite online weapon store. When he wasn't doing this, he was usually watching a specific episode where this cast member he was obsessed with, had some singing going on, he's watched that episode so many times that I shudder anytime I hear it anymore, especially now that I know he's beyond having a simple crush on a celebrity. I actually cheered when I heard the show had come to an end.
I have now thankfully moved out, but I don't like the fact I've got a necrophile with guns and the worst possible mindset to go with it, it just screams at me internally and it makes me wonder if he's the guy behind some of the disappearances of women over the years that I've seen posted on and off. It's probably NOT him because he comes across as a bit of a coward to me, but I just don't know.
The fact that he's a part of the head of the local boy scouts just sends shivers down my spine, knowing this is the kind of person that's close to other people's children.
What I have done, is that I took a very long snapshot of his Google account, all the pages he frequents too, before I wiped it all off my boyfriend's computer so that he would not end up getting the blame for it, and then I saved everything on my password protected USB drive that I have, I've explained everything on there and I've made sure that if I get killed somehow, it WILL be found out, and it WILL be on blast for the public to see.
Should I tell the police? I fear that someone will be sent after me, is that just my PTSD talking? Is necrophile pornography even illegal in the state of Oregon? I looked around online and found nothing or it wasn't very specific. Is it another instance of "you can watch existing material but you can't make it yourself" or what?
I don't know what to do with all of this knowledge and I really don't want to start a legal war with an entire family covering for the man, I had that happen when I escaped my abusive ex, suddenly I lost all the family I had because they jumped to his defence regardless of the crimes he had committed towards not only myself, but them as well, meaning I now have to watch behind my back for not only my abuser, but his little lackeys as well.
Even if nobody has any ideas, I guess it feels pretty good to get it off my chest.
So thank you anyway, and I'm truly sorry if this bothers anyone.
If you're easily offended or squeamish, I recommend you leave this thread and don't read beyond this point.
There really isn't anywhere else I can share this, because I'm afraid of being found out and have my life made even more difficult than it already is.
For a while we lived at their place, because I was always home as I can't work, they felt entitled to me being a live-in maid for them. I did have some deals with them, pretty much the bathroom was my area to keep up, but they kept trying to shove everything onto me anyway.
I tried my best to keep up despite my obvious problems, but as they started to deliberately leave messes behind and got progressively more and more lazy, I dug my heels in and refused as I have just a little bit of self respect, my chronic issues won't allow for miracles.
As a result, his mother would start shit, try break us up, tried to twist how my boyfriend viewed me and finally triggered my PTSD deliberately to the point I could easily spend all day frozen in fear under the blanket with both blackouts and flashbacks, she used this to convince everyone I was just lazy on my phone all day, while she would be on her tablet herself and then leave to play freaking pokemon go of all things instead of doing her part, there was never a single time where I had any kind of peace, for a while I started drinking heavily just to handle the stress, as well as a failed attempt at my own life, all because I wouldn't be her bitch and got bullied for it basically.
If this wasn't bad enough, I soon learned his step dad was far worse, but in a different way.
He's got some strange, very angry views, he's actually been stashing guns, a LOT of them, so much ammo that if the house catches on fire, half that neighborhood will probably be shot to pieces, and water of course because he's certain the government needs to be fought at some point, and has made it very clear that people with certain political views or status will be destroyed the moment he has an excuse. He actually brags out loud whenever he unfriends/abandon people that don't really agree with him. He only shows empathy if something is directly affecting him, and I have caught him multiple times actually torturing my dog by agitating and hurting her because he knows she's too timid to fight back, and because of this, she had developed the habit of constantly licking her paws and biting her nails until she was bloody, thankfully this was back to normal as soon as we moved out.
The way he's raised his children isn't very healthy either, his other son is constantly wearing a gun in his holster even if he's only wearing boxer shorts while changing a light bulb, and he too is also very aggressive, but in a more passive and arrogant way where he thinks that anyone who isn't like him, is beneath him, he cheers whenever he watches police brutality and doesn't care if the law is broken as long as it's something he agrees with. His door also has a huge fist shaped dent in it from a fit of rage. He always insists on locking his door while nobody else does, as if he's hiding something, I fear what he's hiding is a fair bit of child porn, but this is only speculation because he has an obsession with sexualized anime in the style where all women look like they're 4-6 years old. All his ideals pretty much correspond with that of a more subtle, covert narcissist in a way. I remember clearly when one family member passed away, his hug that his mother received was so fake that I cringed.
As for my boyfriend, it's very obvious that he's damaged to the point he has some cognitive problems as well as having developed some disorders in order to survive abnormal living conditions including rape, psychological abuse, child molestation and violence, there's a lot he won't tell me that has happened, but I do know that his step dad used to beat the ever living hell out of him with a belt when he was young and he's witnessed some pretty awful things that children should never be exposed to. The sad/good part is, he's probably the least damaged of them all as he's not malicious, but it's very obvious he has some internal anger because of his upbringing, the only difference between him and them, is that he's trying to better himself and he did get some help along the way.
One day when I was fake sleeping under the blanket again, I heard him and his other son talk about using their guns this time. They were planning to actually allow a robbery to take place because there's far too much surveillance to get away with murder these days, they said, he clearly stated that he'd wait for the robber to turn his back to him and then run before he'd pull his weapon out and kill him, instead of using his weapon as a deterrent or actually having to use it in a legitimate confrontation.
It.. didn't sit well with me? There's just something about using one crime to justify another while using it to live out a fantasy that has every alarm go off in my body.
It's not even the only thing I've overheard.
Then, his step father always seemed to have issues with his computer, I started getting suspicious because I've owned the same computer for the last 10 years and it's never had a virus, and what he got was always so extreme he had to have his computer reset and start fresh every single time.
I must have not been home at the time, but he at some point used my boyfriend's computer to log into his own Google account, because his account was open instead, and I saw some pretty weird links in the history that made my stomach turn.
I took a closer look at it, and lo and behold, I saw one picture after another of false and very realistic pictures of murdered women hosted by a website that made it pretty obvious that it was of a sexual nature to those who seek these things out, some of these pictures I'm pretty sure were actually real, as well as the oddball snuff videos, there were so many pictures as well as an incredible obsession with a cast member from the Scorpion series on TV by looking at just how many searches per day were being made, you can probably guess the theme too, he did open a few news articles on and off, but ONLY if they were about murdered women or something that agreed with his extremist views, and finally his favorite online weapon store. When he wasn't doing this, he was usually watching a specific episode where this cast member he was obsessed with, had some singing going on, he's watched that episode so many times that I shudder anytime I hear it anymore, especially now that I know he's beyond having a simple crush on a celebrity. I actually cheered when I heard the show had come to an end.
I have now thankfully moved out, but I don't like the fact I've got a necrophile with guns and the worst possible mindset to go with it, it just screams at me internally and it makes me wonder if he's the guy behind some of the disappearances of women over the years that I've seen posted on and off. It's probably NOT him because he comes across as a bit of a coward to me, but I just don't know.
The fact that he's a part of the head of the local boy scouts just sends shivers down my spine, knowing this is the kind of person that's close to other people's children.
What I have done, is that I took a very long snapshot of his Google account, all the pages he frequents too, before I wiped it all off my boyfriend's computer so that he would not end up getting the blame for it, and then I saved everything on my password protected USB drive that I have, I've explained everything on there and I've made sure that if I get killed somehow, it WILL be found out, and it WILL be on blast for the public to see.
Should I tell the police? I fear that someone will be sent after me, is that just my PTSD talking? Is necrophile pornography even illegal in the state of Oregon? I looked around online and found nothing or it wasn't very specific. Is it another instance of "you can watch existing material but you can't make it yourself" or what?
I don't know what to do with all of this knowledge and I really don't want to start a legal war with an entire family covering for the man, I had that happen when I escaped my abusive ex, suddenly I lost all the family I had because they jumped to his defence regardless of the crimes he had committed towards not only myself, but them as well, meaning I now have to watch behind my back for not only my abuser, but his little lackeys as well.
Even if nobody has any ideas, I guess it feels pretty good to get it off my chest.
So thank you anyway, and I'm truly sorry if this bothers anyone.
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