Venting Daydreaming about jumping

[skybox]

Long time no talk SaSu. I've been bedrotting for months and I only log on from my laptop. Since February I've been going through some of the worse motions in years. Thinking and deciding where my life should go from here. I am a year off from 30 with nothing going for me but mental illness and (fortunately) a large circle of friends and supportive mother which is just a string keeping me tethered. My cats mean more, they are the hardest to lose. However, since it's gotten warmer, the sun shining, all I have been thinking about is jumping. Jumping off the highest point I can find and feel the wind against my body one last time. It draws me in. It's beautiful. The sky, maybe sunrise since I'm a morning person. Get a pack of camel blues, say my thanks to Mother Earth, and take the plunge. The guilt shakes me to my core because I know the domino effect me dying would cause on my mother and being the cause of someone else's death feels worse than my own.

For now I daydream about jumping...



Source: Bokutachi ga Yarimashita

 

[Agon321]

Jumping from a great height with a beautiful landscape in front of you can be interesting.

I generally focus on the effectiveness of CTB, not the romance, but it would be nice to die in a nice place, not like a rat.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I also daydream of jumping a lot.

 

[skybox]

Jumping from a great height with a beautiful landscape in front of you can be interesting.

I generally focus on the effectiveness of CTB, not the romance, but it would be nice to die in a nice place, not like a rat.

Understandable, I am sure the majority feels this way. I have watched many videos of this method and it really resonates with me. I do to a degree love being alive and experiencing the small things, but I know I will die by my own hand in the near future. My ideal spot would be a large wind turbine because I enjoy them aesthetically.

 

[shatteredcrystal]

I always daydream about jumping and enjoying either watching the stars for the last time (I live in a city), or feeling raindrops hitting my body. It has always been a romantic thing to jump, while the truth being me backing off from the edge the last moment.

 

[Agon321]

Understandable, I am sure the majority feels this way. I have watched many videos of this method and it really resonates with me. I do to a degree love being alive and experiencing the small things, but I know I will die by my own hand in the near future. My ideal spot would be a large wind turbine because I enjoy them aesthetically.

My method is SN, so theoretically I could go somewhere nice and die. Especially since there are a lot of nice places around me.
But I don't want to cause additional problems for my family.
I prefer to die in a place where they have better access to my body.
I also don't want my death to be publicized.

Would you like to jump off a wind turbine? interesting, but access is limited.
Also it's a bit noisy.

 

[skybox]

I always daydream about jumping and enjoying either watching the stars for the last time (I live in a city), or feeling raindrops hitting my body. It has always been a romantic thing to jump, while the truth being me backing off from the edge the last moment.

I feel this, who knows what my reaction will be once I'm up there. Stargazing beforehand would be lovely if you can find a spot without light pollution.

My method is SN, so theoretically I could go somewhere nice and die. Especially since there are a lot of nice places around me.
But I don't want to cause additional problems for my family.
I prefer to die in a place where they have better access to my body.
I also don't want my death to be publicized.

Would you like to jump off a wind turbine? interesting, but access is limited.
Also it's a bit noisy.

Yeah I've read a couple threads of people drinking SN in forests and what not, death is tricky when you care about your family. I'm trying to hold off until the day my mom passes

I actually have pretty good access to turbines where I live, can walk right up to them. I don't think they're the height I want though.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

Understandable, I am sure the majority feels this way. I have watched many videos of this method and it really resonates with me. I do to a degree love being alive and experiencing the small things, but I know I will die by my own hand in the near future. My ideal spot would be a large wind turbine because I enjoy them aesthetically.

I relate to your thoughts around the aesthetics of jumping and location. This is the place I daydream about.

 

[skybox]

I relate to your thoughts around the aesthetics of jumping and location. This is the place I daydream about.

View attachment 142368

Gorgeous bridge! Water spots are nice, I have such a huge fear of drowning since childhood I couldn't bring myself to do it haha

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

Gorgeous bridge! Water spots are nice, I have such a huge fear of drowning since childhood I couldn't bring myself to do it haha

Very understandable! I also don't consider it the most ideal method. There's a strong pull to it though. The bridge is in my hometown. It just feels poetic. The last time I was actively suicidal I almost got a one way ticket there.