Day - 6 before leaving : My first goodbye

[LunarLynx]

Hey !

First thanks to all of you who wished me good luck in my CTB. (on this thread : https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/day-7-before-leaving-first-realisation.147970/#post-2307733)

So to keep y'all updated, I went for 6 hours in school today, I saw a lot of people but I said goodbye to none of them. I was smiling all day long and was pretty happy to finally leave. The thought of leaving peacefully with SN makes me happy ! In maths class we were studying series (riemann etc) and the teacher used to name one Sn. It make me laught !
But yeah, Tomorrow will be my last day. I'll try to say goodbye to most of my friend. I haven't see the girl I like today, I wish to see her tomorrow to talk to her one last time...
Since I'm only CTBing sunday, and not tomorrow, you're going (people on this site) to be the last people I talk to before I leave this word.

6 more day to go... I think I've never been so happy before which is kinda irronic.

I convinced my friend to go out with me tonigh, so I'll be my last meal with them (and the last time I talk to some of them). I think a lot about them... some of them were suicidal at some point and I helped them getting out of it, and now their recovery is over and they are being happier than ever. I've always been the one smiling, the one with no problem, the one helping other.

It reminds me of a text (biblicalI think, don't hesitate to correct me) : "For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow."

I wasn't suicidal at first, I just wasn't feeling well, but after understanding how people are suffering, I started suffering too. And now I think I live in pain since 6 to 10 years (for as long as I remember). But I won't CTB to end the suffering. I will to end living. I just don't want to live and I never wanted it.
I have a lot more to say but I think I'll say it tomorrow ! :)
ps : I won't give my discord, telegram etc in a thread, that's pretty obvious. So if you want to talk to me or contact me come in PM, Don't need to ask beforehand I'm ok with it
ps2 : It's a really good console !
ps3 : If you can't PM me, send a few message and respond to a few thread ! you'll get the option in not too long :) (https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-do-you-unlock-message-pm.26241/)
ps4 : See you tomorrow and have a great day !

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best in your plans, I understand why you'd feel relieved to be leaving this existence, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[PrisonPlanetBreak]

I've seen a few posts from you here and there, and I find this 7 Days idea really unique and it has me invested in following your journey. I hope you will be be able to find the peace you yearn for when you reach the end.
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I convinced my friend to go out with me tonight, so I'll be my last meal with them... I've always been the one smiling, the one with no problem, the one helping other.​

Enjoy your time and your meal. It sounds like you have some good friends. In my group, I am the funny guy... I am good at making people laugh apparently. But as soon as I step in my house, I put down the mask and the real me comes out... Well in the end, my best and closest friend knows I am depressed now, and she's known for some time. She said that's some Hollywood level acting on my part, because she couldn't have told I struggle with depression.​

I think I've never been so happy before which is kinda ironic.​

Actually, this is usually a sign of suicidal people getting closer to CTB. Of course, in the context that other people know they are suicidal and they don't hide their depression, so nothing unusual about it.​

 

[Mayonaise]

you have no plausible justifications for considering this.

You are young, full of health and full of possibilities to change the conditions of your life. Able to choose paths to follow and move in the direction you want.

With due respect, you know nothing about him and his reasons for wanting to leave. Neither do I, by the way.
You are probably good-willing, but you must realize that sentences such as the ones above do not help at all.
"Full of possibilities"? Yes, maybe. "Full of health"? You don't know. For all we know, the poor guy might have been struggling with mental suffering for ages.
The fact that he's so serene about ending his life honestly puzzles me. I always encourage people not to act impulsively as there may be other ways to solve their problems.
I wish I knew where OP's distress comes from but I also know that not everybody can be cured.
Some just can't. Some don't want to. Read what OP posted here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...rs-are-not-ready-to-hear.146195/#post-2290762
I have nothing against you, really. If you're trying to help, I respect you. But you just can't pretend to know what's going on in people's lives.