Venting Dating troubles - should i continue dating as a suicidal person?

[howcanigo]

I have a girlfriend, she's lovely but I cannot find myself being happy with her or with anyone. and yet I am too selfish/selfless? to pull the plug.
I think I'm too depressed and burnt out to love anyone beyond family and pets. I'm her first serious relationship and she seems to adore me. I'm just so numb.
I dont want to be on this earth two years from now. I mean, if i had a heart attack and died today I wouldn't mind.

I feel i can't open up to her about anything, and it has nothing to do with her character really. It's just that talking to her is tiring. She's never struggled with any mental health issues beyond occasional anxiety and she's not neurodiverse at all. All of my relationships in the past have been with other mentally ill and/or autistic people, so i felt like they really understood. if anything, i was their confidant. I feel like if she really knew everything, she wouldnt be comfortable with me. I try to keep nice and sweet and happy, as I do with everyone but with her it feels even more tiring. I don't know when/if I'll break up with her.

I'm sure other people with experiences with dating and/or friendships here know the feeling. I just wish being with her made me happier and not just anxious.

should i just break up with her before it gets anymore serious?

 

[brownbear]

I totally understand your situation and can even relate partially. Im also at a loss weither I should break up or not.
In my opinion its best to be honest with her, talk to her about your feelings, communication is key. I think then you have the necessary perspective to rationally decide whether to break up or not.

 

[アホペンギン]

I understand your situation and how this is difficult to deal with. The only thing that you should do is try to talk to her about how you are feeling with a rational conversation and from there consider possibly ending the relationship. It will be hard but its the best thing to do concerning this topic at this point. I'm sorry.

She will probably not believe that you are struggling and will offer to get help for you since she hasn't experienced the things you experience so it might even be necessary to end the relationship without her consent OR if you haven't, try to get help if that is what she wants.

Dating while being suicidal is like playing with emotions and its really cruel to inflict so much pain on your SO after ctb.

 

[howcanigo]

I understand your situation and how this is difficult to deal with. The only thing that you should do is try to talk to her about how you are feeling with a rational conversation and from there consider possibly ending the relationship. It will be hard but its the best thing to do concerning this topic at this point. I'm sorry.

She will probably not believe that you are struggling and will offer to get help for you since she hasn't experienced the things you experience so it might even be necessary to end the relationship without her consent OR if you haven't, try to get help if that is what she wants.

Dating while being suicidal is like playing with emotions and its really cruel to inflict so much pain on your SO after ctb.

I have gotten help before, all the 'help' has been traumatizing or whenever i tried to get it, i was denied it. not really searching for it anymore. She doesn't even know the full extent of things, and nor does she really need to. We're exclusive but, not as serious as like hanging out regularly (we don't live close and she, although an adult, is from a culture where the dad controls their daughter until they're married to a man...) or even in the near future living together. So, there's not really anything she can do other than metaphorically holding my hand, which im not even sure I want.

it does feel cruel not to tell her. even if i dont ctb in the next year, i am desperately depressed and dont feel emotionally invested. this torture feels a bit like my brain trying to isolate me more but i cant make the feeling go away.

 

[rainseahorse]

if you've maintained a persona of being nice, sweet, happy, it's probably that persona she adores and from the sounds of it, it's not who you really are (or not your complete self). it might be shocking for her for you to reveal how you really feel at times, but i think it's better to be open about it if you want to consider a serious relationship, unless you're just in it for her loveliness.

 

[howcanigo]

if you've maintained a persona of being nice, sweet, happy, it's probably that persona she adores and from the sounds of it, it's not who you really are (or not your complete self). it might be shocking for her for you to reveal how you really feel at times, but i think it's better to be open about it if you want to consider a serious relationship, unless you're just in it for her loveliness.

very fair. i think deep down i am a generally okay person, at least i try to be. but i think im too depressed for someone to have a genuinely happy relationship with. i think we both went into it thinking like we probably wouldn't be dating 5, 10, 20 years from now, but she likes me a lot. and i like her but man it would be easier to just be friends with her. i feel like im just avoiding confrontation and trying to avoid breaking her heart. i really just dont want to hurt her.

 

[rainseahorse]

very fair. i think deep down i am a generally okay person, at least i try to be. but i think im too depressed for someone to have a genuinely happy relationship with. i think we both went into it thinking like we probably wouldn't be dating 5, 10, 20 years from now, but she likes me a lot. and i like her but man it would be easier to just be friends with her. i feel like im just avoiding confrontation and trying to avoid breaking her heart. i really just dont want to hurt her.

i don't think you need to hurt her though. you feel depressed and burnt out, and talking to people tires you, especially since you don't want to show your vulnerable side and therefore you force yourself to be cheerful. you like her, but you feel anxious because you don't think you can be a good partner. i don't see how saying any of this would hurt her. if you just break up without explanation, that would be an easier way out, but that would probably be more hurtful.

 

[howcanigo]

i don't think you need to hurt her though. you feel depressed and burnt out, and talking to people tires you, especially since you don't want to show your vulnerable side and therefore you force yourself to be cheerful. you like her, but you feel anxious because you don't think you can be a good partner. i don't see how saying any of this would hurt her. if you just break up without explanation, that would be an easier way out, but that would probably be more hurtful.

yeah. i think i'd wait till after her upcoming birthday. but then her favorite holiday is halloween and i dont wanna mess with that for her. im a mess lmao. i wouldn't just dip out on her, it's not like im just texting her on a dating app or something, she's actually in my life. it'd be cruel to do that.

 

[strawb12]

I would probably break up with her if I was 100% serious about ctbing & doing it soon. I can definitely relate because I'm in a relationship right now & I don't know how hed react if he knew about all of my mental health issues. I don't plan on living a long healthy life but for right now just having him is enough of a reason to live for me & if it doesn't work out then its not a big deal, I can just ctb but if it does work out that'll be great. So if you're sure that you don't want to live & don't want to live a life with her you should break up, even if its really hard it'll be worth it in the future.

 

[Lydia12]

sure why not enjoy as much as you can but please stay safe and use condoms, please don't bring kids into this shithole :/
sure why not enjoy as much as you can but please stay safe and use condoms, please don't bring kids into this shithole :/

 

[front of me]

I don't think dating is a good idea for someone who will die soon. I'm talking about serious relationships, and I think it's an ugly and inhuman act.

 

[howcanigo]

sure why not enjoy as much as you can but please stay safe and use condoms, please don't bring kids into this shithole :/
sure why not enjoy as much as you can but please stay safe and use condoms, please don't bring kids into this shithole :/

we're lesbians so no worries about that here! :)

I don't think dating is a good idea for someone who will die soon. I'm talking about serious relationships, and I think it's an ugly and inhuman act.

yeah like i had mentioned, i dont imagine it getting much more serious than sort of puppy dog like. we're both college aged, she's in college and im her first partner. not to say people dont get serious in those situations but i think she will definitely find someone else out there at some point. i dont see myself moving in with her or getting married or anything like that.

 

[front of me]

we're lesbians so no worries about that here! :)

yeah like i had mentioned, i dont imagine it getting much more serious than sort of puppy dog like. we're both college aged, she's in college and im her first partner. not to say people dont get serious in those situations but i think she will definitely find someone else out there at some point. i dont see myself moving in with her or getting married or anything like that.

You should tell your partner that the relationship is not serious. Breaking someone's heart is very brutal. If you love her, stop suicidal thoughts or leave this person. If you are in a serious relationship, love is not a game. I will commit suicide because my boyfriend left me.

 

[howcanigo]

UPDATE: i broke up with her finally. she was very good about it. <3 thank you all for your input.