Venting Damn..im...a failure

[LadyAlastor]

You know in my 32 years of life I never thought I would say this but abusive As they were I think my parents were right.

I am an incompetent failure and it has shown every time at every Moment even at my relationship, I do not understand how someone so intelligent and beautiful can stick with someone so incompetent and unintelligent like me, It doesn't make sense she left me for almost 2 years and came back I mean I get it I have charm I know how to have a good sex real well, And I give comfort And we'll walk any distance no matter how far it is if it means me helping her in some way if she's on her time of the month I will literally walk a mile 2 miles doesn't matter, As long as she is comfortable and taken care of.

I'm not that person that asks for much all I want to do is make her happy and I can't even do but yet she's still here she still says she loves me and I do believe that but I hate that I have very little to offer I am damaged to goods.

I make her pretty upset when I f****** or when I don't listen I don't mean to do these things at all I know of it of a list of mental illnesses adHD all that other bad jazz.

I hate this so much As much as my obsession and infatuation Digs in to my very soul I sometimes think if I ended myself she would be better off, I want to make her happy I want to make her life better not miserable or frustrating.

 

[ManchildLoser]

You know in my 32 years of life I never thought I would say this but abusive As they were I think my parents were right.

I am an incompetent failure and it has shown every time at every Moment even at my relationship, I do not understand how someone so intelligent and beautiful can stick with someone so incompetent and unintelligent like me, It doesn't make sense she left me for almost 2 years and came back I mean I get it I have charm I know how to have a good sex real well, And I give comfort And we'll walk any distance no matter how far it is if it means me helping her in some way if she's on her time of the month I will literally walk a mile 2 miles doesn't matter, As long as she is comfortable and taken care of.

I'm not that person that asks for much all I want to do is make her happy and I can't even do but yet she's still here she still says she loves me and I do believe that but I hate that I have very little to offer I am damaged to goods.

I make her pretty upset when I f****** or when I don't listen I don't mean to do these things at all I know of it of a list of mental illnesses adHD all that other bad jazz.

I hate this so much As much as my obsession and infatuation Digs in to my very soul I sometimes think if I ended myself she would be better off, I want to make her happy I want to make her life better not miserable or frustrating.

Hey at least you got a girlfriend that loves you...i'm 34 and ive never been in a relationship because im ugly and a loser at life. So i will never experience that...
Anyways enough about me. What did you do that made her life miserable ? Im curious

 

[LastingSolace]

You know in my 32 years of life I never thought I would say this but abusive As they were I think my parents were right.

I am an incompetent failure and it has shown every time at every Moment even at my relationship, I do not understand how someone so intelligent and beautiful can stick with someone so incompetent and unintelligent like me, It doesn't make sense she left me for almost 2 years and came back I mean I get it I have charm I know how to have a good sex real well, And I give comfort And we'll walk any distance no matter how far it is if it means me helping her in some way if she's on her time of the month I will literally walk a mile 2 miles doesn't matter, As long as she is comfortable and taken care of.

I'm not that person that asks for much all I want to do is make her happy and I can't even do but yet she's still here she still says she loves me and I do believe that but I hate that I have very little to offer I am damaged to goods.

I make her pretty upset when I f****** or when I don't listen I don't mean to do these things at all I know of it of a list of mental illnesses adHD all that other bad jazz.

I hate this so much As much as my obsession and infatuation Digs in to my very soul I sometimes think if I ended myself she would be better off, I want to make her happy I want to make her life better not miserable or frustrating.

you ending your life would scar her heart forever. she wouldn't be better off, the fact she is around you means she loves you, you make her happy to some extent definitely, you aren't damaged goods, you never were or will be, you are a person and you are loved by her.

Hey at least you got a girlfriend that loves you...i'm 34 and ive never been in a relationship because im ugly and a loser at life. So i will never experience that...
Anyways enough about me. What did you do that made her life miserable ? Im curious

it's not safe to say you won't experience it, being "ugly" or a "loser" isn't a deal breaker, many people just look for good people , true kindness, someone to be there. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Mimi_]

Hello!! I think she's fully grown to decide what she wants :) and... If she wants to stay with you let her be.

Hey at least you got a girlfriend that loves you...i'm 34 and ive never been in a relationship because im ugly and a loser at life. So i will never experience that...
Anyways enough about me. What did you do that made her life miserable ? Im curious

I am pretty sure you can still find someone, not every body is chasing after good looking people

 

[LadyAlastor]

Hello!! I think she's fully grown to decide what she wants :) and... If she wants to stay with you let her be.

I am pretty sure you can still find someone, not every body is chasing after good looking people

Yeah I'm not going anywhere I'm just venting however comments are indeed appreciated, However when it does come to these points it does push me to the edge sometimes and again that's why I'm glad I'm here at least on this site keeps me sane.

you ending your life would scar her heart forever. she wouldn't be better off, the fact she is around you means she loves you, you make her happy to some extent definitely, you aren't damaged goods, you never were or will be, you are a person and you are loved by her.

it's not safe to say you won't experience it, being "ugly" or a "loser" isn't a deal breaker, many people just look for good people , true kindness, someone to be there. I wish you the best of luck.

Well I did tell her as much as I would like to end my life I will always take care of her I'm sure that's why she made it that whole 7 year suicide pact contract thingy

you ending your life would scar her heart forever. she wouldn't be better off, the fact she is around you means she loves you, you make her happy to some extent definitely, you aren't damaged goods, you never were or will be, you are a person and you are loved by her.

it's not safe to say you won't experience it, being "ugly" or a "loser" isn't a deal breaker, many people just look for good people , true kindness, someone to be there. I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you however I will say I definitely am damage to goods due to my very f***** u* childhood and teen life and not that bad s***.
Then again she's damaged herself I guess damaged people make each other happy and are very weird toxic way.

 

[ExistHarm]

thanks for the music

 

[LadyAlastor]

thanks for the music

Anytime

 

[Linty Leans]

I admire your tenacity in being there for your girlfriend, and I think you're really brave for getting so far in life battling demons like you have. For an 18 year old like me who finds their inner struggle paralyzingly daunting, the fact that you've survived for 32 years is marvelous for me, and i celebrate your strength and bravery. i'm sure that your girlfriend sees strength in you that you don't see in yourself, and i know how hard it is to fixate on the negative. i might myself, utterly and completely. i'm just floating through life and use drugs and alcohol to numb myself from the fact that i'm utterly hopeless and doomed to fail. i honestly don't see myself getting past 30, but you did it. i think you're marvelous and that you've lived a marvelous life regardless of what you decide to do from here on.

 

[TakeMeBack07]

I'm jealous of you.

 

[LadyAlastor]

I'm jealous of you.

Beg your pardon?

I admire your tenacity in being there for your girlfriend, and I think you're really brave for getting so far in life battling demons like you have. For an 18 year old like me who finds their inner struggle paralyzingly daunting, the fact that you've survived for 32 years is marvelous for me, and i celebrate your strength and bravery. i'm sure that your girlfriend sees strength in you that you don't see in yourself, and i know how hard it is to fixate on the negative. i might myself, utterly and completely. i'm just floating through life and use drugs and alcohol to numb myself from the fact that i'm utterly hopeless and doomed to fail. i honestly don't see myself getting past 30, but you did it. i think you're marvelous and that you've lived a marvelous life regardless of what you decide to do from here on.

Thank you but I will say it's not easy, gone through many attempts and I never really know when that next time will be but just like the rest of us the void is constantly an eye blink away and that alone is blissful and terrifying.