Cutting ties

[birthdayboy]

Hi everyone. I'm trying to find ways to make my CTB less painful for my loved ones. I had a nephew who CTB and an uncle who drank his way to the bus stop, and I want to minimize causing any of them more pain than necessary when I CTB.

What's a way I can cause a rift between myself and my family (mostly my parents) without being outright cruel? I know I can just ghost them, but that would take time to register and might make them call the police on me if they think I'm in danger.

Short of being mean to them, how can I cause them to (for lack of a better term) disown me? They've always seemed to accept me unconditionally so it's hard to think of a way to make them think of me as a lost cause.

 

[PI3.14]

That's painful, and very difficult to do, especially if your parents love you unconditionally.

 

[CutePrincess]

Is it really better that way? For me the idea of cbt while in conflict seems terrible. I told my parents how I feel to kinda prepare them for my cbt. I try to spend quality time with them not cut ties. I doubt it will work unless you cut contact for a really long time.

 

[avalokitesvara]

:( Honey. Even if you succeeded at this, and I'm not sure how you'd go about it, it won't make you killing yourself any easier for them. If anything, it will probably make them suffer more to think that there was a rift between you at the time you died.

Anyway, if you have a normal good relationship, doing something so completely extreme and out of character as an act with the aim of being disowned would have to be, is gonna make them worried and try and intervene with cops/psych intake.

I've also thought that the kindest thing for my family would be to distance myself from them. But recently, I've actually thought the opposite. I'm trying to mask less and be more open about my struggles. I'm trying to let them know that I've had issues for a long time and am nearing the end of my rope. I'm letting them know I'm going to try treatment and a shot at life but that it could just be something unfixable. I'm surprised at the result this is having. I feel less ashamed and panicked, and I feel my family actually do understand to some extent what I'm going through. Like you I've been lucky to have been accepted unconditionally, and it seems this is extending even to being potentially irreversibly fucked.

I know if I do kill myself they will be devastated and there's nothing I can do to alleviate that... However I think that going out with a sense that our relationship was honest and open, that they know I loved them, that they were aware (not totally, but to an extent) of my issues, aware that I fought a long time, aware that I at least tried conventional treatment as well as unconventional methods (like doing some pretty radical life things), that I trusted them, that we loved each other til the end- all that will help them in the long run as they go through their grief process.

If their last memories of you are of you acting totally out of character, acting violently or destructively, knowing that you deliberately drove them away... That will make their grief all the worse.

 

[birthdayboy]

:( Honey. Even if you succeeded at this, and I'm not sure how you'd go about it, it won't make you killing yourself any easier for them. If anything, it will probably make them suffer more to think that there was a rift between you at the time you died.

Anyway, if you have a normal good relationship, doing something so completely extreme and out of character as an act with the aim of being disowned would have to be, is gonna make them worried and try and intervene with cops/psych intake.

I've also thought that the kindest thing for my family would be to distance myself from them. But recently, I've actually thought the opposite. I'm trying to mask less and be more open about my struggles. I'm trying to let them know that I've had issues for a long time and am nearing the end of my rope. I'm letting them know I'm going to try treatment and a shot at life but that it could just be something unfixable. I'm surprised at the result this is having. I feel less ashamed and panicked, and I feel my family actually do understand to some extent what I'm going through. Like you I've been lucky to have been accepted unconditionally, and it seems this is extending even to being potentially irreversibly fucked.

I know if I do kill myself they will be devastated and there's nothing I can do to alleviate that... However I think that going out with a sense that our relationship was honest and open, that they know I loved them, that they were aware (not totally, but to an extent) of my issues, aware that I fought a long time, aware that I at least tried conventional treatment as well as unconventional methods (like doing some pretty radical life things), that I trusted them, that we loved each other til the end- all that will help them in the long run as they go through their grief process.

If their last memories of you are of you acting totally out of character, acting violently or destructively, knowing that you deliberately drove them away... That will make their grief all the worse.

Good points. Looks like other people are saying something similar. I just wish they could forget me when I'm gone, but that's not reality. Thank you.

 

[NellyGoes]

I'm so sorry you are feeling all this. But there's absolutely nothing in this world that could relieve the pain a parent will feel at the loss of their child (sadly, often even more intensely when it's by their own hand). Many say that it's worse than being dead themselves…

I'm so sorry for all your pain. I hope you can find healing, light, and love.