Venting Cut off another “friend”

[madbananas]

I'm so angry. She sucked me into a friendship where I basically ended up acting like a support worker 24/7. I was fine with that because she needed help. Now though that the tables have turned, she throws in my face that she is putting boundaries up because she doesn't like me phoning for support when I'm drunk (she literally would phone me all times of the night when having overdosed or other drama). She also diverts her problematic ways in the friendship as well. If I highlight anything I find wrong, she would just cut me off and fill me in on where I've went wrong. I'm not denying that I have went wrong but I just can't believe she's making it out like it's all me. I'm so raging right now it's unreal. Just bottling it up as usual. Blocked her on everything now. We had already had a break in our "friendship" and the first time she phoned me back was because she wanted a lift home. She diverts from that also. Ugh I literally have nobody as a friend now though.

 

[yetme]

When you face death it won't matter anymore. All the people you knew, everything good or bad happened to you won't matter

 

[madbananas]

When you face death it won't matter anymore. All the people you knew, everything good or bad happened to you won't matter

That's literally my only comfort right now. Life is unbearable. I'm sick of people treating me like everything is my fucking fault and not taking any accountability themselves for their own shortcomings.

 

[Sherri]

I'm so angry. She sucked me into a friendship where I basically ended up acting like a support worker 24/7. I was fine with that because she needed help. Now though that the tables have turned, she throws in my face that she is putting boundaries up because she doesn't like me phoning for support when I'm drunk (she literally would phone me all times of the night when having overdosed or other drama). She also diverts her problematic ways in the friendship as well. If I highlight anything I find wrong, she would just cut me off and fill me in on where I've went wrong. I'm not denying that I have went wrong but I just can't believe she's making it out like it's all me. I'm so raging right now it's unreal. Just bottling it up as usual. Blocked her on everything now. We had already had a break in our "friendship" and the first time she phoned me back was because she wanted a lift home. She diverts from that also. Ugh I literally have nobody as a friend now though.

Sometimes we better off alone than with friends like that

 

[madbananas]

Sometimes we better off alone than with friends like that

I agree but I'm so angry though. Ugh I hate life so much.

 

[Sherri]

I agree but I'm so angry though. Ugh I hate life so much.

I know what you mean, I had so many friends but when I really needed one I realised I had only clubbing friends. If you know what I mean.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Sometimes when we're so close to people, we start to rub and cause friction. It becomes uncomfortable. It's possible to step away from a friendship without burning bridges. I have two friends that I have known for over 10 years. It sounds as if we have a similar relationship as you do to yours. We take regular breaks from each other for this reason.

I wouldn't share the opinion of most in this matter. When I see anger and a lot of emotion, I think to myself that that person cares a lot. Similarly from what you've said about your friend, they are coming from a good place too. Sometimes it's helpful to think about the source of behaviour. It can help when dealing with potent feelings. I would ask myself, are the actions of my friend coming from a good or a bad place?

 

[madbananas]

I know what you mean, I had so many friends but when I really needed one I realised I had only clubbing friends. If you know what I mean.

I completely understand. It seems that generally, people only care about themselves and will use others but then be a complete hypocrite when the tables are turned.

 

[Sherri]

I completely understand. It seems that generally, people only care about themselves and will use others but then be a complete hypocrite when the tables are turned.

Yup. That's the 21st century for us.

 

[madbananas]

Sometimes when we're so close to people, we start to rub and cause friction. It becomes uncomfortable. It's possible to step away from a friendship without burning bridges. I have two friends that I have known for over 10 years. It sounds as if we have a similar relationship as you do to yours. We take regular breaks from each other for this reason.

I wouldn't share the opinion of most in this matter. When I see anger and a lot of emotion, I think to myself that that person cares a lot. Similarly from what you've said about your friend, they are coming from a good place too. Sometimes it's helpful to think about the source of behaviour. It can help when dealing with potent feelings. I would ask myself, are the actions of my friend coming from a good or a bad place?

I doubt many people come from a bad place. However I'm sick and tired of being blamed for everything and she can't even acknowledge the damage she has done. I'm sitting here like a total fool for accepting my part in the breakdown yet she just points the finger back at me whenever I mention something I'm not happy with her about. I'm normally really good at being compassionate but this has been happening for a long time and every time I give her another chance she just treats me like I'm shit on her shoe. She refuses to accept that she has done everything she states she doesn't like. Reckon I have no other option than burning bridges with her because she completely used me as if I were a therapist but when I have one slight issue I need support with she gives me the whole "you're personality disordered" treatment. Completely gaslights me.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

I doubt many people come from a bad place. However I'm sick and tired of being blamed for everything and she can't even acknowledge the damage she has done. I'm sitting here like a total fool for accepting my part in the breakdown yet she just points the finger back at me whenever I mention something I'm not happy with her about. I'm normally really good at being compassionate but this has been happening for a long time and every time I give her another chance she just treats me like I'm shit on her shoe. She refuses to accept that she has done everything she states she doesn't like. Reckon I have no other option than burning bridges with her because she completely used me as if I were a therapist but when I have one slight issue I need support with she gives me the whole "you're personality disordered" treatment. Completely gaslights me.

I understand. My advice is to step back from the situation without animosity. Out of sight, out of mind. In the past (and actually more recently too) I leave a message for the individual telling them I'm leaving all communication platforms except email and if they want to contact me, they can get me there but to expect a delay in my responses. I've found that doing it this way enables me to put some important distance between myself and the other person while also maintaining control over the situation by filtering their ability to communicate with me. In the past, I have told them to go fuck themselves and stopped all contact. I prefer the former these days.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

tbh I am basically this friend, begging for support and attention and running away when anything is expected of me. Would advise just keeping her cut off, probably not able or willing to change and you'll just hurt yourself being around her.

 

[OminousVaL]

Cutting people off is a habit I am all too familiar with.